The Submission of the IMperfect

Goodbye 2011. Hello 2012.

2011-12-31T19:22:00.001+08:00

For the past two years, I posted a super long entry summarizing the year that was about to exit my life. However, for this year, I don't think I'd do the same. However, what I will do is share the things that I have learned and realized this 2011.

It wasn't a perfect year but it was in all sense, a great one. I felt, learned, needed, wanted, and realized a lot of things in 2011. And I am wisely picking what I am going to bring in to face 2012. I pray to be able to face the next year without any excess baggage. I played a great role in 2011 as the "traveller-wanna-be" and I am hopeful that after all the trips that I have taken, I have learned to pack well and to pack light.

2011 was a year of too many ups and too many downs for me. It was literally a roller-coaster ride of emotions. I felt so imperfect. I felt so down. I felt so happy. I felt so sad. I felt so embarrassed. I felt needed. I felt so insignificant. I felt so in love. I felt so afraid. I felt wanted. I felt unwanted. I felt pretty and sexy. I felt ugly and fat. I felt insecure. I felt pity. I felt rage. I felt doubt. I felt passion. I felt grief. I felt loss. I felt lost. I felt nothing. I felt apathy. I felt so many positive and negative things this year. And I thank God for letting me feel all these because I believe I have become a stronger and a more confident person. I have gotten all the validation I need and not getting the validation I want and not getting it from the person or people I want to get it from will not break me... at least, not anymore.

2011 was not just a year to me that came and will soon be gone because it was in its lifeless way, a great teacher. I learned how to cook Kaldereta. I learned that Vicks inhaler is the most effective drug for me. I learned that it is possible to be pimple-free. I learned that havaianas look and feel great when you wear them but it breaks easily. I learned that water, alone, can heal colds. I learned a lot of pickup lines. I learned that eating something sweet will actually give you extra energy. I learned how to do simple music editing. I learned to work on my own. I learned that I can be responsible. I learned that I can work solo to come up with something big. I learned that no matter how much you try to plan a perfect trip, at some point it will still fail. I learned new things that can hurt me because it has repeatedly hurt me a lot of times for the past year. I learned how to deal with myself, my feelings, with others, and others' feelings. I learned to take care of myself. I learned to be tougher to face things on my own because in the end, all you really have is yourself. I learned that the only person you can trust to not let you down is yourself. I learned that not all dogs bark first when you piss them off, most of them bite right away. I learned that not being on the same page creates a lot of misunderstanding. I learned that sleep can break my heart. I learned that I should stop begging for what I want because it just hurts more if you still don't get it after you have begged. I learned to have a pride and to keep it as much as possible, low. I learned that love and commitment should really go hand in hand in a relationship. I learned that there is still hope in being hopeless. I learned that friends do come and go. I learned that friends who decided to go, sometimes decides to come back. I learned that life can be really short. I learned that this can be the last day of my life. I learned the difference between needs and wants. I learned a lot about true love. I learned about patience and understanding. I learned about heartbreaks and how to face them. I learned that simple things can make someone really happy. I learned that you cannot teach someone to want or to need you the way you want them to. I learned the true value of money and that it is the cheapest thing in the universe but is also the most powerful one since it can make the world go round. I learned that I can be who I want to be. I learned that I can do good alone but I do better when I work with someone. I learned that two cups of coffee a day can cause me palpitation. I learned that no matter how insignificant or how simple or how complicated these lessons are, I am just so thankful that I LEARNED.

As I evaluate the year 2011, I realized I still have so many needs and wants. Some of these were already satisfied but I still need to work on most of them. As much as I'd like to write it all down to the littlest detail, it's too personal. However, to share a few, I know I still need to work on my cooking. I want to further strengthen my relationship with God. I need to learn how to strictly follow my budget. I want to loose weight. I need to loose weight to ensure good health. I want to be totally financially independent. I need to work harder for the things that I want to achieve. And the list goes on. I am just thankful that I already know what I need to get what I want and to make sure that I have everything that I need. I only need prayers and hardwork. Right? Right!

2011 is about to end in a few hours and I am really excited for the coming year. We are all clueless of what it has to offer but what excites me more about it is that it is another chance for change. Another chance to make things right. Another chance to make things happen. Another chance to chase my dreams. Another chance to love better. Another chance to work harder. Another chance to live life.

2011, you were a great year for me but you have to go and make way for 2012.
2012, I am hopeful that you'd be better than 2011 and that we'd be good to each other.
CHEERS TO THE NEW YEAR!! CHEERS TO THE GOOD LIFE!!

Kiss kiss kiss mo (sa pader)

2011-12-11T20:37:00.001+08:00

She tries to kiss you.
And you pull away.

UNTITLED

2011-11-30T08:02:00.001+08:00

I really wanted to write last night to somehow release this depression. But I know myself too well. I may end up writing something that I wish I didn't. So I let the moment pass before I decided to blog about this. I don't want to go in to details anymore, though. Wow, parang si KC lang. Hehe.

I need someone to talk to or so I thought. But I realized it'd be pointless. It'd just be a waste of time for the people who knows what I'm going through right now because they'll just be hearing and saying the same thing. And it's tiresome too, you know. Hearing the same thing from different people. I'm tired of being told of my stupidity or martyrdom or whatever this can be called. So I preferred to stare on this lifeless monitor that won't even console me. Blogging has always been one of my refuge at times like this. I just hope it hasn't lost its magic yet. We'll see.

11.11.11.

2011-11-11T00:51:00.001+08:00

Of course, just like last 9.10.11, I wouldn't miss having an entry dated 11.11.11. for the world. This comes only once in a lifetime. I think that's about it.

P.S. If it wasn't too personal, I'd write a letter for someone here. For now, I'd rather keep my thoughts to myself.

Of long weekends and Nostalgia

2011-11-07T08:47:00.000+08:00

Spent the long weekend at Ilocos with my highschool friends. I am so glad I joined the trip. Every penny was worth it. The great scenery, the trip, the food, the bonding, the pictures, everything about it was a great and fun, fun, fun experience.

'Twas my second time to visit the place. The first was in June 2010 with my friends from Meralco. However, I was still blown away by the beauty of Ilocos - the vintage establishments, the history, and the beach.

From L to R: Maricar.Princess.Camille.Dim.Jojo.Gene.Jhul.Kit.ME.Mikes.Rona.

The whole trip was crazy and full of excitement and laughter. There was never a dull moment while we were awake. It was like running back and forth memory lane. We talked about a lot of stuff; most are crazy and some are serious. Oh my, it was really fascinating to see how each of us have grown and matured but is still the same person that we were back in highschool. One got engaged already; most are still single; one is heartbroken; the other came out of his closet and is more gay than I can imagine. All of us have a job but still figuring out if we really are on the right track.

It was fun to look back on the old days. The place was perfect for our trip because it was like going back in time when we were just highschool kids who dreamt of having the perfect job and making good money.

P.S. I highly recommend EXPLORE NORTH. They offer affordable and well-organized tour packages. Check them out.

Our 2nd October 21st :)

2011-10-21T10:46:00.000+08:00

with Bebe Love <3

…because the first one was when we became each other’s better half

Off to Bohol to celebrate 12 months of lovin’. This was taken a few minutes ago at Manila Domestic Airport while waiting for our flight. We re so happy in lalalalalove!

Of 15th of October Surprises, Frogs, and Friendships

2011-10-15T07:09:00.000+08:00

This year’s 15^th of October was the longest and most dramatic Saturday that I can remember.

It was Froggy’s birthday. Being that he’s one of my closest pals, I know how he is. He loves setting up surprises for other people but he doesn’t want the same for himself. Weird, right? As a matter of fact, his senses and radar are extra sensitive every 15^th of October. His mindset is that it’s his turn to be surprised. Froggy loves spoiling surprises for him as much as he loves setting up surprises for others. Yes, that’s how he really is.

Bottom line is, we were able to surprise him for two consecutive years already. As much as he would hate to admit it, he was surprised and indeed, touched. By the way, the party lasted overnight. Venue and other arrangements were taken cared of by Marvin Oriarte (mastermind).

SURPRAAAAAAAYYYS!!

Froggy’s party was more like a reunion more than it was a birthday party. Karlo, our long(figuratively) lost friend, decided to come over. And as much as I would hate to admit it, I really missed the guy. It’s been almost a year since our misunderstanding happened and for me, that ship has already sailed. Time really heals wounds, I guess.

P.S. Thanks to Marvin Oriarte (mastermind) for letting us use Suede Room Studio as the venue.

Promotion is Sweeter the 2nd Time Around :)

2011-10-15T00:14:00.000+08:00

Finally, the result of my technical examwas released earlier today! The result? Let’s just say, GOD IS GOOD!! I am sohappy like a happy meal. Lol.

After almost two months of waiting, Ifinally got what I have been praying for - my second promotion! (Yes, theexclamation point is really necessary. Lol.) Finally. Thank you, Lord.Since I waited for almost two months, I cannot help but nurse a sort of “panic”about the result of my exam. Out of sheer desperation, I remember forwarding everysingle silly chain text message that I received while waiting for the longoverdue result. But today, I feel like I am salvaged.

I feel so much better now because earlier this week, I was full of doubts - questioning mydecisions, and my judgment. I, for awhile, felt like I am heading to the unknown without a plan for a good monumental escape.

The timing was really perfect. God is really good. When you are at what you can consider a low point of your life, Hehugs you with this kind of good things to remind you that everything is worthit and that all else will be okay.

Thank you, God.

Call for Justice: RIP Given Grace Cebanico

2011-10-13T23:56:00.003+08:00

Our God is a God of justice.

MAY THE BALLS OF HER KILLERS ITCH ENDLESSLY

AND MAY THEIR ARMS BE TOO SHORT TO SCRATCH IT.

Only in the Philippines: Kwek-kwek Lovin'

2011-10-13T23:20:00.000+08:00

Kwek-kwek lovin'

Here's a dose of lovely cholesterol. My favorite streetfood next to isaw. I took this photo yesterday. I ate a total of nine kwek-kwek. It's over-priced in our canteen. In the street, you can buy four of it for ten bucks but on our office, it's three-for-ten. Demmit.

P.S. The only time I put Vinegar in my food is when I eat kwek-kwek.

Spell Odd: m-y-(space)-m-e-m-o-r-y

2011-10-11T20:01:00.001+08:00

There really are things that you willalways remember for some reason that even you cannot understand. Weird, I knowbut not as weird as remembering the birthday of my classmate in grade school,who goes by the name Walton. His birth date is October 10, which was yesterday.Man, I am not even close to the person and never was and no offense meant butit’s not like he is someone special or significant in my life. But I nevermissed remembering his birthday since I-cannot-remember-when. This made mewonder, if someone, somewhere, remembers something about me too the way Iremember Walton’s birthday every year no matter how insignificant I am inhis/her life.

First Love Never Dies

2011-10-10T23:58:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, you realize something and it breaks your heart.

Okay. I miss dancing. I still want to dance. I want to come back. But the more that I want it... the harder it is to reach. The feeling is like entering a place you know by heart only to find out that nothing there is familiar anymore. I guess I've been gone for so long. I don't know where and how to pick up. I always believed that if I really want it, I'll find a way to go back. But then, I realized that it's not always the case. Wanting something so bad doesn't mean you'll get it. Not possible especially if you're not willing to make a sacrifice. You cannot serve two masters at the same time.

I tried to find a tangent between dancing and my professional career but it is just so hard. I don't think I can meet the level of commitment that dancing is going to require from me if I ever decide to go back. And it's not like I can sacrifice my career for dancing. Reality check. I am not as good as others. There's no bright future waiting for me in dance. And I need something stable. I need a fallback.

For now, I will just keep my faith that my decisions will bring me to the right path. I am not losing hope because my love for dance will never end. No matter what happens, it will always be what it has always been to me - my first love.

Of Multi-tasking and Instagram

2011-10-09T17:11:00.000+08:00

So what else is perfect for a lazy afternoon? Movie! and Chips! and Wifi! and Bed!

I really need to save up money in prep for my upcoming trips this last quarter of the year. So in accordance to this "so-effin-hard-to-achieve" goal (ehem ehem), I try to stay home as much as possible, like today. And here's what I realized: It's easier to stay at home and avoid getting bored (Thank you, Instagram) than to go out and avoid spending. I know, it's like stating the obvious and not that it's big of a deal, maybe I'm just trying to calm myself here. Hehe.

Too much of avoiding boredom, I am watching a movie, blogging, instagramming, and eating chips simultaneously. And I'm doing all these without sweat. I know, it's really not something I should be proud of. Someone out there or maybe you could do all these better or prolly can do even more. Duh. Anyway, back to what I was saying.

The Movie: The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants 2.
I watched the first one and liked it so when I knew about its 2nd movie (Thanks to Astroplus), I bought a copy. And I was right. I am enjoying the movie so far. Reminds me pretty much of Now and Then, a movie from 1990-something. It was also about a story of four friends who grew up together and blah blah blah. Blake Lively is so pretty. Her looks never changed even after she got in to Gossip Girl. But Amber Tamblyn is my favorite. Not that I can relate to her because I don't think we're the same. I just really lover her character in the movie and her beauty.

Reminds me of my lovies, Rosa-Leri-Joy!

And the photo above is an indication of how fast I got addicted to Instagram, right? Oh no.

Instagram, finally.

2011-10-09T12:48:00.000+08:00

I was so intrigued on how Instagram works so I used my brother's Iphone to experience its features. 'Twas cool since you don't need to manually edit the photos. You can just set it according to your preferences. Too bad you need an Iphone to use this. However, with the pacing of technological breakthroughs nowadays, in no time, Instagram will be available to non I-phone users. Otherwise, I am doomed because this is pretty addicting.

Someday. Someday.

Anyway, here is my first Instagrammed photo. And I'm still Instagramming right now. I want an Iphone!! Oh no!!

Test shot feat. my Champ

Bonchon: The best chicken in America

2011-10-08T10:52:00.000+08:00

I don’t know about the tagline since I haven’t been anywhere outside Asia ever. I know little about Bonchon Chicken. I’ve only heard of it in Facebook because some of my friends would post statuses about how delicious the said chicken is. So, much to my intrigue, when I saw this in Shangri-La last week, I told Boyfriend that I want to eat there so we did.

I ordered 2-pc Drumsticks marinated with Soy-garlic while boyfriend had Porkchop. The food tasted great. The Porkchop was yummier though. My friends were right, Bonchon Chicken is indeed delicious. A bit pricey (145 PhP) for the size of the chicken though but for the taste, it’s A-okay!

Service at Bonchon was tad bit disappointing. Lucky them their food compensated for the bad service. We ate there at around 2:30pm and paid them 500 bucks. Our total bill amounted to 305 PhP but I had to wait a few more minutes (15-20) to get my change. It’s not like the place had few customers; it was actually jam-packed so why the heck would they have trouble in giving out changes, right? Right! Plus, their cashiers really seemed inexperienced.

While we were at the counter, one of the service crew (SC) took the initiative of finding a table for us. It was really, really nice of him to do that. However, when we got to the table, it was still dirty. There were water spillage, drops of sauce, and other what not on the table. We had to ask another SC to clean our table. Not only that, while we were eating, the table beside us got vacant so expectedly, an SC cleaned the table and he accidentally spilled the glass of water on our side of the table. Lucky him, Antonio didn’t get wet at all. Whew!

Bonchon *burp*

So to sum this up,
Bonchon Chicken= great food=bad service

Nth Comeback post

2011-10-02T21:22:00.000+08:00

Out of boredom, I decided to read my older entries. Doing so made me realize that most of my entries really didn’t make any sense. If it isn’t about how boring my day was, it was about how things suck. I wrote a few happy entries, though. I don’t know. I miss writing with passion. I miss writing and actually making sense. What happened to me?

9, 10, 11

2011-09-10T23:17:00.002+08:00

Cute date today. That's it.

Francel de Leon

2011-09-04T12:26:00.004+08:00

Rest in Peace, brother.

Thank you for all the goodtimes, laughters, and smiles that you've shared with me. We may have known each other for a short time but I will never forget you. You were such a goo friend to us... a great lover to Leri... a good son to your parents... a brother to everybody.

We love you, Francel. Thank you for everything.

FRANCEL PANGANIBAN DE LEON

May 11, 1986 - August 28, 2011

Back?

2011-08-27T10:58:00.003+08:00

I lost passion and want in writing. I lost time. I lost everything I have that makes me want to write. And just because I wrote again today, it doesn't necessarily mean that I had it back, whatever it is that got lost. I don't know really. I am tired of analysing things so I'm just writing while I want to. No more over-thinking because it stresses me A LOT.

So yeah, I guess I'm back to writing (for) now.

26 years.

2011-04-28T21:35:00.001+08:00

It's my mom and dad's 26th anniversary today. We celebrated, all four of us. They picked me up at the office after my duty (4pm) then we went to this small spa near SM Marilao, Solace Spa. We had a relaxing massage. After the massage, we went to Pixie's and bought dinner. Then to another stall of a very infamous yummy crispy pata. Then at Ministop and bought Icecream and a cake. Then went home and had a simple dinner with baby brother and his yaya. I super love this day. We are so happy celebrating their love.

Twenty-six Years of togetherness. Cheers to the good life!

One cold summer night.

2011-04-27T23:21:00.003+08:00

Ellipsis

I am 25.

2011-04-23T13:19:00.004+08:00

When you get to "THE" stage of your life where you, sooner or later, would be altar-bound, your priorities, goals, perspective, and lifestyle change. Everything changes. At least for me.

Growing up + Feeling grown up = Another (higher) level of maturity

When I was younger, I thought the perfect life plan is to get married at age 24 and have a baby at 25. That was the kind of life schedule (if I should call it that) my mom had so I wanted my life to happen that way too. But I realized, it's really not something that can be scheduled or planned.

So here's the thing, I am 25. Not yet married, not even engaged, and (fortunately) not yet a mom. In short, the life plan I constructed for myself was more like just some random note doodled on a scratch paper out of boredom that should go directly to the trash bin and be recycled. But hey, I do not feel any remorse about this. I'm happy the way my life turned out to be. I am young. I have a loving boyfriend, a stable job, and lots of good friends. I am living a pretty much happy life.

Last night, I got myself to thinking and it has dawned on me how I've matured and changed over the years. From thinking about booze and monopoly nights with friends, taking a leave at work for a dance gig, random movie nights, and the like, I now think of saving up for the future, taking up masters degree, job promotion, marriage and family. Wow, things are really different now. I am still the same person though, only with different priorities. Different goals.

I am at a point in my life where:

Boyfriend comes first before family.

Work before leisure.

Church before play.

I don't mean this is in any negative way. We were taught that family should always come first and that was what I was taught too but things are different now. I am now building a life of my own. A life that only I can make or break and it's not like I love my family any less. I love them just as much, prolly even more. Thing is, I like to build with my boyfriend a relationship as deep as I have with my family because I know someday, he will be my family. We will be each other's family.

Life is never simple nor easy. It's not like a movie where you write the script and everything just falls accordingly. It can change faster than a snap. It's your response to the changes that determines how your life will go. It's your life... live it. Just some tip though, if you think you've had it all figured out, you haven't. *naughty grin*

Summer Outing? Duh.

2011-04-22T20:00:00.005+08:00

The title has a tad bit of sarcasm on it. After I've updated my planner-slash-journal and my calendar of events/activities I've posted in my room, I just realized that I'll be out on all weekends of May. Well, almost all since the last week is still free. I really didn't realize it. I just kept saying yes to different groups of friends who planned to get together this summer. I can just imagine how neg-neg i'll get after all these outings. I will be a CHINITA. Half Chinese-Half Ita. Bwahahahaha!!

MY OWN CALENDAR OF ACTIVITIES/EVENTS

April 30 to May 1: Summer getaway with CRS Cheering Team 2011 (THUNDERS) at Puerto Galera

May 7 to May 8: Summer getaway with UPLB Street Jazz Dance Company at Nasugbu, Batangas

May 13 to May 14: Summer getaway with my BARKADA in the office at Canyon Cove

May 21 to May 23: Summer getaway with MITCH and another set of Meralco barkada at Boracay

May 28: STILL VACANT. Hahaha!

The downside of having lots of friends is spending much on seasons like Summer and Christmas. I remember, being on the same situation last December. Well, that was off-topic. Anyway, I can't wait for May.

Oh wait, what's the highest SPF available for sunblock again? *Big Smile*

You are my pain.

2011-04-22T12:40:00.004+08:00

No matter how disappointed I get. Or how much long you keep me waiting. I will still be feeling this way. So go ahead... disappoint me, do keep me wait until I run out of patience. Keep doing it until the day I feel no sadness despite the disappointments anymore... Until I know no more pain... Until I turn numb. Til then, I will still say, I love you.

...and because I KNOW you're constantly checking on my blog site.

2011-04-22T11:32:00.004+08:00

Call me judgmental, arrogant, assuming. I don't care. I call this being REAL.

-----------------------------

Dear YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE,

I don't need to be close to you or to talk to you everyday just to know you or the type of person that you are. You're much easier to read than a book I've kept since pre-school.

Truth is, I don't like you because I know you don't like me too. I've long tried to contain the fact that ignoring you forever will not be possible since we are on the same field but I will not be harmed if I try. I have tried a couple of times though to be friends but for some reason, I end up vomitting inside. I really cannot do it. Not just yet.

Probably because I still can not understand why on Earth would you make a fake account of mine in Facebook and try to ruin me. How low can you get and WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU? Huh. WHAT?! And the best-worst part of all of this is that you don't think that I'd find out. Well, be surprised because I did!

You think you're smart and you've figured everything out. You mapped out a plan of ruining me. Step 1: Create a Facebook account using my name and my picture. Step 2: Add friends who you know works at Meralco too. Step 3: Wait til a friend posts something. Step 4: And when someone finally does, you'd write stupid, mean, and low-life comments. Saying "THEN GO TO HELL!" for example. "Then go to hell"??? What the eff. Is that the best you've got. I honestly thought you could come up with something better. Something that's cheaper and dumber. But say what, you never fail to disappoint me, that is to say.

Here's another truth, I have not forgiven you yet. Forgiving someone who's not even asking for forgiveness and worse, not even owning up to the mistake, is not something that I am really good at. I am still frantically mad about this though it's been six months already since then. I can not forget nor forgive what you did.

Now, if you really want to be my friend, you just have to leave me alone. Let me move at my pace and STOP pushing my buttons. Use your mind and grow up. When that happens (if it ever will) then we can be friends.

-----------------------------

Whew! I feel a whole lot better now.

Ay Em Paking PAGOD =(

2011-04-22T10:32:00.003+08:00

1) Of nursing all these "why" questions.

2) Of hoping that things will get better.

3) Of feeling inferior.

4) Of understanding things that I don't really know.

5) Of feeling fat and unpretty.

6) Of feeling that I'm never good enough to get what I want.

7) Of hearing pleas and excuses of why things are the way they are.

8) Of feeling like I am non-existent.

9) Of waiting for nothing.

10) Of being stubborn.

I really need to be slapped in the face. True friends, where you at?

Slap me, please. Slap me f*cking hard.

Six months and counting ♥

2011-04-17T15:52:00.007+08:00

Mitch and I celebrated our sixth monthsary in advance because the 21st would fall on Holy Week. We spent the day together and since we agreed to do something different on special occasions like our monthsary, we tried the Manila Bay Cruise at Mall of Asia. We took the Sunset cruise schedule (5pm-7pm) so we could watch the sunset together and watch the fireworks while cruising in the bay. It was a nice experience. The scenery wasn't outstanding, though. And the food offered in the cruise wasn't really that great. However, it was such a romantic experience to watch the sea turn orange as the sun exits the horizon.

Aside from the Manila Bay Cruise, we also tried Banchetto for the second time. We ate breakfast there. It took us about half an hour to decide on what to eat and on what stall to buy it from. Food was amazing!! We were really stuffed. After at bacnhetto, we went straight to MOA to catch a movie. We watched Big Mommas II and it was friggin' hilarious! After the movie, we strolled around then ate lunch at Kitaro where we spent half of the time laughing and camwhoring. Since the cruise isn't until 5pm, we killed time at Timezone where we, for the nth time, tried to take home a stuffed toy from one of the machines. Every attempt was an epic failure but we still had a great time. Then by 4:40, we left Timezone and went to the port of Prestige Cruise, Inc. The cruise was pretty much the highlight of our celebration.

Now, we're done with six and so ready for our seventh month. We can't wait for our next celebration. We'd be on Boracay! Yeaaaah! Fast forward to May 21, please!!

Inlababong Bogart: Post #1

2011-04-12T23:02:00.003+08:00

He's all that matters. He can either break or make my day. Only he can do that. I'm just so in love and i can no longer explain why. Prolly because this time it's really real. He's that someone.*crossfingers*

Some of my Untold Adventures (March 2011)

2011-04-11T19:38:00.009+08:00

March was a busy month for me, especially at work. The only good thing about this month is that I lost wait effortlessly. I met an injury. I have tendonitis. I can't bend or straighten my left leg without feeling tremendous pain. I've always been very tolerant with physical pain so when I say something hurts, it really does. Boohoo! Oh, and I turned 25. This is by far the best birthday ever.

Meralco-Valenzuela Business Center Summer Outing 2011

Villa Concepcion Wet n Wild (Marchn 5)

We have "special" guests!

Yayan meets Kuya Mishhh

Cosmikidz, Mall of Asia (March 12)

We look so wasted because we've been chasing Yayan around the playplace.

MERALCO CHEERDANCE COMPETITION 2011

CRS THUNDERS (March 17, 2011)

OYEEEEEEEN!!

MY SILVER BIRTHDAY

At our humble home (March 20)

The best birthay everrrrrr!! :)

HAPPY 5th MONTHSARY TO US!!

Dad's Buffet, West Ave (March 21)

Oh happy day... ♫♪♫

THE 2ND MVP CUP

Meralco Fitness Center (March25-27)

One beat... GO MERALCO!!

*********************

Wooooaaaah, whattamonth! Loads of activities and responsibilities! Nevertheless, I'm so happy with how this month went. I had the best birthday ever and celebrated it with the people that I lalalalaloooooooove!!

Some of my Untold Adventures (February 2011)

2011-04-10T20:16:00.008+08:00

I've only written few entries for this month because I was so busy. So here's some of the things that I haven't shared in here.

YAYAN'S DAY OUT

Manila Zoo (February 6)

Our little rockstar on his little adventure.

A PRE-VALENTINE WEEKEND

Subic (February 12 an 13)

Love overload! *love*

OUR FIRST VALENTINE'S DAY

Recipes, Trinoma (February 14)

Lucky me, I have you. The best Ogre in town. *love*

2nd MUSICAL PYROLYMPICS - China vs. France

MOA (February 26)

Cause baby you're a firework *love*

*********************

It was a February to remember. Definitely.

Some of my Untold Adventures (January 2011)

2011-04-10T10:26:00.008+08:00

Here are some of my untold adventures or activities last January that I wasn't able to share here because of either laziness or busy-ness! Lol.

GOODBYE 2010, HELLO 2011!

STEPHEN PIA's Birthday Celebration

with the Birthday celebrator :D

the TOS that I love. I miss these guys.

JAYSEAN'S BAPTISM

TOS's first baby. Another addition to my list of godsons/daughters.

He's an angel without wings.

The pretty ninangs! *clears throat*

The crazy ninongs. Ow em nyi. Poor baby!!

DOUBLE CELEBRATION

3rd Monthsary & Mitch's (Late) Birthday Celebration

Lalalala-loooooove <3

The whole gang =)

*********************

January was a blast. I started the year right and everything's A-ok! :)

Somebody in love with someone.

2011-04-08T21:49:00.008+08:00

Somewhere along the road, you'll meet someone who will change your life. A person who will not change you but instead, will bring out a part of you that you never knew existed. And you'll love and hate the person that you are when you're with him - so patient, always understanding, always giving, never doubting, just loving. It's always his feelings before yours. Always him before you. Always. He has that great power over you all because you love him. And when you finally realize how much you have abused yourself, "Too Much Love Will Kill You" will play on the radio for the added coincidental drama. But you just laugh it off. C'mon, you love the person and if that's the case then you're ready to die anytime; afterwhich, you will still feel like you're on Cloud 9... Because this is what he do to you. He drives you crazy. He makes you fall endlessly.

He will hurt you in many different ways but will always stay loyal, faithful, and in love with you. He will upset you today then make you happy tomorrow; Disappoints you on the day after and will make you laugh the next day. He will give you a dose of frustrations at its most bitter taste every now and then but you'll still love him anyway. No matter what he do or how he disappoints you, you never see any reason to give up loving him.

He doesn't seem to know how much you love him no matter what you do or no matter what kind of surprise you come up with. That's just the way it is. That's just not possible because your words and actions combined will still not suffice the way you feel about this person.

You always want to see this person and be with him. But as much as you want to see him everyday, instances will not allow it and later on you realize that is a good thing. It somehow gives you time for yourself, or time with other things and other people. It provides you room to miss each other. You get to feel that strong urge of wanting and needing to see him... to be with him... with silent hopes that he feels the same. With him, there's always something to look forward to. You'll never know what to expect.

He is that someone you always think of in anything and everything you do. He makes the good things all the more joyful and makes the bad things easy to bear. He is that someone you want to talk to after a long day at work because just hearing his voice is enough to keep you energized. He is the first person you think of when something good comes up. And when you see an upcoming movie that interests you, you'd want to see it with him. When you feel the need or just simply want to go somewhere, he's the first person you want to travel with. Needless to say, you just want this person to be a part of everything you do.

When asked to spell love, you would spell out his name because to simply put it, he is your everything. He is your love. He is your pain. He is your happiness. He is your frustration. Every good thing about you is him. You love him and you just keep on falling and you will never hit the ground.

MARCHing out.

2011-03-31T23:32:00.000+08:00

I planned to end March by summing up the craziness of this month in a single entry that's why I haven't been writing the past weeks. The original plan was to tell the story of this month down to its littlest details but as usual, laziness got the best of me. If I have time and if I am in the mood, prolly, I'll rewrite this entry with details and substance to it. But for now, I'll just go to bed. Goodnight!

Love, Technology, and Everything in Between

2011-02-07T22:22:00.000+08:00

Okay, I am surprised by two things. One, that Ashton can write this good. Two, what he wrote actually made sense. Well, I am an instant fan.

****************************************

I was shooting a scene in my new film, No Strings Attached, in which I say to Natalie Portman,

“If you miss me, you can’t text, you can’t email, you can’t post it on my Facebook wall. If you really miss me, you come and see me.”

I began to think of all of the billions of intimate exchanges sent daily via fingers and screens, bouncing between satellites and servers. With all this texting, emailing, and social networking, I started wondering, are we all becoming so in touch with one another that we are in danger of losing touch?

It used to be that boy met girl and they exchanged phone numbers. Anticipation built. They imagined the entire relationship before a call ever happened. The phone rang. Hearts pounded. “Hello?” Followed by a conversation that lasted two hours but felt like two minutes and would be examined with friends for two weeks. If all went well, a date was arranged. That was then.

Now we exchange numbers but text instead of calling because it mitigates the risks of early failure and eliminates those deafening moments of silence. Now anticipation builds. Bdoop. “It was NICE meeting u.” Both sides overanalyze every word. We talk to a friend, an impromptu Cyrano: “He wrote nice in all caps. What does that mean? What do I write back?” Then we write a response and delete it 10 times before sending a message that will appear 2 care, but not 2 much. If all goes well, a date will be arranged.

Whether you like it or not, the digital age has produced a new format for modern romance, and natural selection may be favoring the quick-thumbed quip peddler over the confident, ice-breaking alpha male. Or maybe we are hiding behind the cloak of digital text and spell-check to present superior versions of ourselves while using these less intimate forms of communication to accelerate the courting process. So what’s it really good for?

There is some argument about who actually invented text messaging, but I think it’s safe to say it was a man. Multiple studies have shown that the average man uses about half as many words per day as women, thus text messaging. It eliminates hellos and goodbyes and cuts right to the chase. Now, if that’s not male behavior, I don’t know what is. It’s also great for passing notes. there is something fun about sharing secrets with your date while in the company of others. Think of texting as a modern whisper in your lover’s ear.

Sending sweet nothings on Twitter or Facebook is also fun. In some ways, it’s no different than sending flowers to the office: You are declaring your love for everyone to see. Who doesn’t like to be publicly adored. Just remember that what you post is out there and there’s some stuff you can’t un-see.

But the reality is that we communicate with every part of our being, and there are times when we must use it all. When someone needs us, he or she needs all of us. There’s no text that can replace a loving touch when someone we love is hurting.

We haven’t lost romance in the digital age, but we may be neglecting it. In doing so, antiquated art forms are taking on new importance. The power of a hand-written letter is greater than ever. It’s personal and deliberate means more than an email or text ever will. It has a unique scent. It requires deciphering. But, most important, it’s flawed. There are errors in handwriting, punctuation, grammar, and spelling that show our vulnerability. And vulnerability is the essence of romance. It’s the art of being uncalculated, the willingness to look foolish, the courage to say, “This is me, and I’m interested in you enough to show you my flaws with the hope that you may embrace me for all that I am but, more importantly, all that I am not.”

- Ashton Kutcher

A Walk To Remember

2011-01-25T22:21:00.000+08:00

: This is Love.

Landon: I might kiss you.

Jamie: I might be bad at it.

Landon: That's not possible.

***

I miss this movie. I love the story. But I love the novel more.

Nicholas Sparks is a genius in love.

null. nadah. empty.

2011-01-18T22:37:00.003+08:00

Let the title speak for this entry. This day was a total bore. Energy just picked up around 4 o'clock when I received a call from someone inviting me to go to the auditions for the cheerdance team of Meralco for the 2nd MVP Cup this coming March. That was pretty much the highlight of my day. I was swamped with work again but at least I have something to do while killing time at the office. hehe. I was home early and so were my parents. I gave Yayan a back massage after dinner and he loved it. He even asked for more. He is really adorable in so many ways! :)

Fast forward to tomorrow, puh-lease?!

Boys Talk

2011-01-18T00:19:00.003+08:00

Had a great serious talk with Stephen awhile ago. Was able to tell him almost everything that's been going on my mind lately and sobrang I feel a lot better now. Thanks to him for being all ears on me. Sabagay, malaki kasi tenga, haha! Kidding aside, I am super thankful I have friends like Stephen and the rest of my Meralco barkada. Love you, TOS!

Sleep, c'mon now. Let's go.

117.

2011-01-17T21:50:00.000+08:00

It's Mitch's birthday today. Naka-birthday leave sha but since wala naman kami napagusapan na plan to celebrate together, hindi kami nagkita. I sent him a huge birthday card via LBC. Na-receive nya nung umaga. Natuwa naman sha at na-suprise, sabi nya. So Yey for that! :)

I was kinda upset that I didn't see him today, lalo na at may special occasion. But family should always come first, of course. So naiintindihan ko naman. May sort of panghihinayang lang, you know.

Change topic.

I was swamped with work in the office today. Tambak yung due ko for feedback letters, homaygad talaga. I even had to work during my lunch break just to make sure I'll finsih everything before five o'clock dahil hindi na kami allowed na mag-overtime, which sucks a lot! pffft.

Oh life! Kelan kaya ako matututo? Stubborn me. Parang may dyslexia lang ako when it comes to life. Hate it!

Lonesome.

2011-01-14T23:06:00.003+08:00

I was alone at Trinoma earlier. Haven't done that for awhile. I don't k now why but I felt lonely when I shouldn't really be. It was like everyone knows someone there and me? I was a total stranger.

Loneliness, leave me alone. Huh?

ONE day.

2011-01-11T23:24:00.000+08:00

Wala naman talaga akong balak mag-blog dahil sobrang busy ko ngayon. Ayoko lang talagang palagpasin yung date ngayon. Harhar!

*BACK TO WORK*

2011. So far, you're so good.

2011-01-09T15:45:00.004+08:00

This year has been so good t o me, so far. Parang gusto ko na ata maniwala sa mga psychic who said that Pisceans are lucky this year. 2011 is just 9-days old, though so it's technically still too early to say that I'll be lucky this year. Oh well, I'm just living this year one day at a time. If there's one thing I've learned from last year, it's to avoid over-thinking things and planning too much because I just end up feeling either disappointed or stressed out. Actually, most of the time, I feel both.

So how's my year so far... Lemme see.

Mitch finally met my folks. He's too shy, though.
I was booked for Palawan. The trip is on March.
Planned a perfect Valentine getaway with three other couples :)
General meeting with Musiqality. MAI as the new leader. Go Kekemonski!
Stephen's birthday celebration.

Marami na ata agad nangyari sa nine (9) days, ha? :D More on the coming days, please. Lord, let this be my year.

Yesterday is Love.

2011-01-06T20:14:00.003+08:00

Mitch and I met at Trinoma.

We drove off to Il Terrazo at Tomas Morato.

We ate (A LOT) at Carlo's Pizza.

We had a funny "Gamit mo, linis mo... Pagkain mo, luto mo." coversation.

Drove off to my lola's sister's wake at La Funeraria Paz, La Loma.

He met almost everyone.

P.S. 2011, so far, you're so good! ♥

Spell cool? "T-O-D-A-Y-!"

2011-01-06T19:52:00.002+08:00

Today was awesome. Planned a Valentine weekend with my Meralco "couple" friends (Rhoss and John, Leri and Francel, Kat and Anjo, and of course, Mitch and I) at Subic. Booked a round trip flight to Palawan with Musiqality scheduled on March. Can this day get any cooler? I don't think so. Fast forward to February 12 please!! Then to March 5!! :)

Lord, thank you for this day! :)

Good Vibes.

2011-01-03T22:29:00.005+08:00

Purple and Orange are the lucky colors for this year. Do I still need to explain why my page looks like this besides the fact that it looks really cute and childlike? :D Well, let's just say that I'm really hopeful for this year. I really am. Lord, please help me make this year the best that it can be for me.

New year. New page design. New goals. New life.
EVERYTHING NEW.

blah. blah. blah.

2011-01-03T21:05:00.000+08:00

I want to study again. I want to learn how to drive and buy my own car. I want to go out-of-town. I want to lose weight. I want to dance again. I want to visit my brother in Canada. I want to believe these things will happen for me.

Okay. Enough.

2011 Buddy!

2011-01-01T02:16:00.003+08:00

I am equipped. Like I said in my Facebook status, I am so ready for 2011. And this... this journal will be my buddy for this year. I know and I feel that this year will rock! Bring it on, 2011! :)

2010 was a great year. 2011, may you be better!

Goodbye 2010. Hello 2011.

2010-12-31T19:25:00.004+08:00

Last year, before 2009 ended, I wrote an entry summarizing everything that happened, everything I felt, everything I thought in that year. Everything that I can remember. And as this year comes to a close, I want to do the same.

2010 was a year of CHANGE for me. So many things happened and I am a changed person because of these events.

JANUARY. January was a month of adventure. A lot of new people came in my life. I met a lot of new friends because I was invited to join the Cheerdance Squad of our department. This is the month when I met Ryan and Grace, who are now two of my closest pals. SOLID! I remember going through some emotional problems. At some point, I asked myself if time does really heal all wounds.

Highlights:
1) I was given a solo part for our cheerdance routine. (1/9)
2) I was chosen to be a part of the power dance for our routine. (1/24)
3) My anniversary in Musiqality. (1/21)
4) My first bonding experience w/ Ryan and Grace at Timezone Trinoma, where it all began. (1/31)

Movies I watched this month:
1) Mano Po 6 (1/3)
2) Avatar (1/17)
3) Sherlock Holmes (1/20)
4) Legion (1/29)

FEBRUARY. February was a month of struggle for me. I was so confused during this month. I don't know whether what I was going through was just a phase or a permanent condition.

It was also in this month when I had an old suitor. Old as in around 60-ish. He wrote me an old-school love letter. He's an old contractor I met at work.

I spent and celebrated Valentine's Day with Musiqality in Bohol.

Highlights:
1) I took an exam for my first promotion. (2/9-10)
2) My Bohol Trip w/ Musiqality. (2/12-14)
3) Overnight Bonding w/ my Cheermates. (2/18)
4) Photoshoot with Musiqality for 2010. (2/21)
5) Family dinner w/ Arnel Pineda's Family at Dencio's, Eastwood. (2/28)

MARCH. March was a month of goodbye. In this month, I learned that not all good things last. Life will do what it does best. It always surprises you... never fails. I chose to love myself more and to love myself 'first'. I was able to build a stronger bond of friendship with the people around me; the people who have seen me broken.

I always believed that if you really love a person, never let him go. If he walks away, run after him. That's my philosophy in love.

Being scared means you're on to something important, right?

Highlights:
1) Saw Lola Chie again. (3/7)
2) Paramore concert. (3/9)
3) CRS Cheerdance Squad projection workshop w/ teammate Louie. (3/11)
4) Meralco Cheerdance Competition. (3/16)
5) Meralco Day/My birthday I spent with my barkada. (3/20)
6) My PURPLE Birthday Celebration at San Pablo, Laguna. (3/21)

Movie/s I watched this month:
1) Alice in Wonderland (3/7)

APRIL. This is the month where I had to find acceptance of whatever happened in my life. It was when Arianne asked me this "Tinapon na nga nya, bakit hindi mo pa itapon?" when I realized that it's better to just move on. All the hopes of getting everything back died. At some point, I had to make a choice and I chose to love myself first a little more. Paula Deanda's Overloved was the best song for me.

This was also the time when I started reconnecting with my officemates because I was away more than I was with them during the first quarter of the year because of my extra curricular activities.

Highlights:
1) I lost weight. From 125lbs to 117lbs.
2) Baguio Trip with Karlo, Stephen, Ryan, and Grace. (4/9-11)
3) Got the result of my promotion. (4/21)
4) Heart-to-heart talk. (4/23)
5) My parents' Silver Wedding Anniversary (4/28)

Movies I watched this month:
1) Babe I Love You (4/16)
2) Kick Ass (4/21)

MAY. A month of maturity and higher level of involvement. This was the first time I felt that whether my presidential bet loses or wins, my vote was worth it. Gibo was my president.

Death happens everyday but if it happened to someone you really know, it's different. We miss you, Uncle Ed!

I remember the night of our Cheering Squad outing at Pawikan Island. Everything was surreal. I still recall everything as if it just happened yesterday.

TOS is a barkada to keep. I love you, guys!

All the weight I lost in the first quarter of this year, I gained back this month... prolly more. The downsides of not dancing anymore. I miss dancing. But I missed Musiqality even more.

I lost and found my way this month.

Highlights:
1) Mom's Day celebration at Lim's (5/9)
2) Meralco Valenzuela BC Outing (5/14)
3) Club Bureau for Jaic's Birthday (5/15)
4) Cheering Outing at Pawikan Island (5/22-23)

Movies I watched this month:
1) Iron Man 2 (5/11)
2) Shrek 3D (5/29)

JUNE. The month where I realized that I am finally living, selflessly loving, and really learning. I let myself move at my own pace and I really think that it was by far the best thing I've ever let myself do.

I had another 'first' on this month. It was my first time to watch a Musical Play starred by a famous celebrity. I watched Legally Blonde for free at Meralco Theater. Oh well, the perks of being a Meralco employee. Hehe.

I was able to go back and shop at Divisoria again. It really is the place to be.

Highlights:
1) TOS Trip to Pagudpud (6/11-13)
2) Divisoria w/ Avs and Kiwi (6/19)
3) Legally Blonde Musical Play at Meralco Theater (6/23)
4) Birthday surprise for Avs (6/26)
5) Heart to heart talk with TOS boys and Avs (6/27)

Movies I watched this month:
1) Prince of Persia (6/7)
2) Karate Kid (6/26)
3) Knight and Day (6/30)

JULY. In this month, I've proven that FIRST LOVE NEVER DIES. I tried to set aside dancing to be able to focus on my professional career but it wasn't easy at all. Hinahanap-hanap ko ang pagsasayaw. I can never leave it behind. It's who I am.

I started to feel the hunger for greater knowledge. I want to study again.

I bought a netbook as a late Birthday gift for myself. Best thing about it? It's purple!! Yehesss! That's pretty much the highlight of this month.

Movies I watched:
1) Toy Story 3D (7/1)
2) Eclipse (7/10)
3) Inception (7/24)
4) Hating Magkapatid (7/27)

AUGUST. A month where I felt scared most of the time because of my health. I've consulted my doctors regularly just so I'd know what to do. I was under medication starting this month. One time I was rushed in the hospital after my mom found me almost unconscious in the bathroom.

My dad met an accident. He slipped and bumped his head on a rock. He had a cut. Thank God Medocare covered all the expenses.

So much about health problems.

For the first time, I brought Mitch along with me on an event and introduced him to my friends from the dance community. It took time before it sunk in to them that I am actually dating again. They were happy or me... well, if not all, at least most of them.

Highlights:
1) Mitch's surprise visit at the office (8/19)
2) Maximum Groovity 6 (8/27)
3) Musiqality's anniversary celebration (8/30)

Movies I watched this month:
1) Salt (8/7)
2) Step Up 3D (8/14)

SEPTEMBER. This month was superb. I was finally able to watch the UAAP Cheerdance Competition live. I am kamote no more. Not to mention we had a great seat. Thanks to my dad and to his connections. UP won 1st place, yeah!

I was able to dance with the female members of All Stars for the Skechers Kickoff Party but it was a MAJOR FAILURE. Costume malfunction at its worst. Demmit.

There was that fear that my dreams will not happen for me. Well, broken dreams are still dreams nonetheless. In my 24 years, I felt like I haven't learned anything. I wish I am wrong.

"I think I forgot how it feels to chase the real thing. I think I'm ready again." - How I Met Your Mother

Highlights:
1) UAAP Cheerdance (9/12)
2) Skechers Kickoff Party (9/18)

Movie/s I watched:
1) Mamarazzi

OCTOBER. I was enraged in this month. Someone, a low-life being, tried to ruin me by creating a fake facebook account using my picture and my name. How low can she get. Insecurity is a social disease and there's no cure for that. SORRY. :P As paulo Coelho puts it, Haters are confused admirers who can't understand why everyone else likes you.

October is a special month for me because it was at this month when the right time came. Antonio and I became officially together. I am so happy in love.

Highlights:
1) PBA Opening. Go Meralco Bolts! (10/2)
2) Jacknina & Rocky's Wedding (10/10)
3) Meralco Valenzuela BC Octoberfest (10/15)
4) Surprise for Froggy (10/16)

NOVEMBER. This was a month of events and major detox! I love this month!

I was asked to choreograph a whole routine for the Meter Readers' Recognition Program. But when Balintawak CATL, Sir Kalaw, saw our practices, he asked us to perform at the Corporate Governance Roadshow! Wooooot! This is some sort of an achievement for me because this is my first time to choreograph a whole routine all by myself and I pullet it off.

And because the year was about to end, all the business centers had a planning workshop. Ours was held at Pansol, Laguna. It was more of an outing rather than a planning workshop. Had a heart-to-heart talk with Leri and Rosa.

I also applied for postpaid plans under Globe and Sun. Its more convenient for me.

This was also the first time I experienced Vertigo.

I was re-assigned by Mam Vivian. I no longer handle service applications. I'm now assigned at Complaints Resolution.

Highlights:
1) The Vagina Monologues (11/5)
2) Roadtrip to Alabang (11/16)
3) Nightout with officemates (11/17)
4) Skechers Finals at Araneta (11/20)
5) First Monthsary (11/21)
6) Surprise for Mitch (11/22)
7) Tagaytay Roadtrip (11/28)

DECEMBER. It's the most wonderful time of the year. Lalala ♪♫♪. I wish my brother was here though. This is the 2nd Christmas that we're not together and I miss him big time.

I am proud of myself because I rose above the situation. I was able to forgive someone even though she wasn't even apologizing and worse, not even owning up to her own mistakes. But I was able to do it. Little steps.

Highlights:
1) Quest crew at Eastwood (12/4)
2) Roadtrip to UPLB (12/5)
3) Meralco Christmas Party at Ortigas (12/11)
4) Emcee at Meralco Valenzuela BC Christmas Party (12/17)
5) Musiqaity Christmas Date (12/18)
6) Simbang gabi with Mitch & 2nd Monthsary (12/21)
7) Fortaleza Clan's Christmas Reunion (12/24)
8) House Blessing (12/28)
9) Christmas Party - Pamana Canteen (12/29)

Movies I saw this month:
1) My Amnesia Girl (12/11)
2) Dalaw (12/31)

- 30 -

What a year it was. Life is really full of surprises. Tomorrow is never a promise that's why we should cherish everything and everyone in our life. 2010 was one heck of a memorable year.

Goodbye 2010. Hello 2011.

Random. Again.

2010-12-01T20:57:00.002+08:00

I keep getting less than what I deserve. Is the problem with me? Or with the people around me?
I miss my brother. BIG TIME.
To my DEAR officemate, if you really trust your boyfriend like you say you do, then maybe you can leave me alone? And don't go giving me that bad look and deny it in the end. I KNOW WHAT I SAW. Don't go acting all goodie-goodie on me when someone's around and do otherwise when no one's looking. I seriously think you're stuck in highschool.
Why can't I feel the things you say. :( Broken promises. That's what you keep giving me so far.
Gracie really is my soul sister.
I DREAD THIS DAY.
I want to go away from everything and from everybody.

First of a Last

2010-12-01T20:20:00.002+08:00

Hello December means goodbye November. It's the first day of the last month of this year and I don't think it's a good thing to be feeling the way I do. I don't know. It gives me negative vibes like I'm gonna be feeling this way for the entire month. I hope not.

My day was a total bore. Usually, at this time of the year, I'm already feeling giggly over the thought of Christmas. But I'm not feeling that way, at least not yet. Something just feels so wrong about my day and it frustrates me that I can't identify what that is. Demmit. Instead of writing about positive stuff, I am ranting over a bad day as if something's gonna change if I continue doing this. I don't understand but I really have to let this out with the hopes of being able to get rid of this feeling after this entry. *Fingers crossed*

I guess I'll just have to end this day earlier than usual. Tomorrow should be better. I hope it will be.

-30-

P.S. Why do I keep giving almost everything even though I get less of what I know I deserve. This sucks.

First 21.

2010-11-23T21:07:00.000+08:00

How we spent the day? Nothing really special except that we played lotto. Harhar! And our "aalilain-mo-lang-ako-pag -nagkatuluyan-tayo-conversation" was just the funniest. We also watched Unstoppable, which by the way is a super cool movie!! Breathtaking. And the best part of the day... we heard mass together. It was just the first and we both pray to have more to come. We are just so happy in love.

P.S. Anj delos Santos and Gracie Manuel, if you two ever happen to read this, THANK YOU for helping me set up the surprise. It worked in a major majora waaaaay! :)

Monday on a Tuesday.

2010-11-23T20:22:00.001+08:00

It was like Monday on a Tuesday. I think it's even worse. I don't remember feeling this tired ever because of work. I am so exhausted. Demmit.

P.S. Cheetos lost its magic. Not working.

philosophy churva

2010-11-06T11:38:00.003+08:00

One of my philosophies in life:

If someone does something that I dislike, I react or tell it to them right away. Because if I don't then they'll think that's okay. And if it happens again then it's my fault and I'd have no right to feel bad because I always had a chance to tell them when it happened for the first time and I just didn't.

Boring Saturday.

All About Vagina

2010-11-05T21:42:00.004+08:00

After a year or so of trying to hunt a copy of this book, I finally got one. YAHOOOOOOOO!

My very own copy of Eve Ensler's The Vagina Monologues!
FINALLY! Haylavet!

October is out. November is in.

2010-11-01T12:57:00.008+08:00

I wasn't able to write much about how October was a blast for me. So much has happened... Too many interesting stories too tell but to tell a few, I'll share two of my most favorite happenings :D

LOW-LIFE POSER. Someone created an FB account using my name and my picture and added some of my Meralco friends. Most of the people my poser added were branch heads and team leaders. At first, I wasn't sure why the account was created though of course my first assumption was primarily to ruin me. I was just able to confirm it when my low-life poser commented on one of my friends' status. "Then go to hell"... That's what the poser wrote. Dumb ass!

To discover who my low-life-desperate-insecure-much-brainless-unicellular poser, was the least of my concerns but figuring out who SHE was was so elementary. I don't know if my poser was just trying to frame up someone. Well, it's either that or SHE was just too dumb to think that I wouldn't find out who SHE is. She's lucky that I didn't even bother to report her to our HR department.

I found out about the account through Jaic. She texted me asking why I created another account in FB. Thanks to her she took the initiative of sending personal messages to those who accepted my poser's invite. In fairness, the poser made me worry. I was feeling so helpless because my internet connection was f*cked up at the time. But like what the old folks say, "the good guys always win". BWAHAHAHAHA in your face!

The poser took the initiative of cleaning up HER mess. YEEEEY! Well, I wanna give her an A for the effort in creating an FB account and for adding an estimate of 50 people from Meralco; and A+ for the effort in creating an email for the bogus account. Matyaga si ate. Big deal ako sa buhay nya, HAVEY!

And for my poser, isa lang ang masasabi ko... "WALANG GAMOT SA INSECURITY TEH, SORRY HA." Imitation, indeed, is the best form of flattery.

***********

OCTOBER 21. I turned another page in my life and decided that now is the right time to start writing another story about love. I just feel so alive and happy and blessed. Life is beautiful... It still is, after all. I am in love and I wanna take this chance to try to see how far this will go. I love you, Michelle Anthony Sabalo Pineda! I am hopeful.

________________
P.S. About the Baranggay elections, I still voted. Harhar!

Apathetic? NAAAAT! :D

2010-10-24T19:31:00.004+08:00

I am a registered voter but tomorrow, I guess Imma stay at home or prolly hang out with friends. Not because I'm apathetic or apolitical but because I am clueless on who to vote.

Okay, this is much too non-nonsensical for a comeback post. Ikr.

Kamote No More!

2010-09-12T02:07:00.003+08:00

FINALLY.

It's a really funny thing that I finished college without being able to watch the UAAP Cheerdance Competition live at the Araneta Coliseum. But this year, I will be kamote no more! Oh I'm so excited and I just cannot hide it. Yeyeyeaaaah!! It'll be my first time later. I do hope it's gonna be special. :D FINALLY!!

GO UP PEP!!PAYT PAYT PAYT!

Hyperactive mind.

2010-09-10T02:36:00.001+08:00

Most times we plague ourselves with questions that we know we cannot answer; or at least, not right away. I'd like to think that we all have this tendency to make things hard for ourselves. We complicate things. Come to think of it, had we chosen to care less about the things that bother us, we wouldn't be suffering lack of peace of mind. But because we have a mind and heart and because we know how to use it, we always choose to do otherwise. We always end up forming theories in our mind that we know we are bound to debunk. We debate with ourselves. We try to figure and unravel things out even though we know that we are most likely to fail than to succeed. We always end up recognizing the slim possibility of successfully making sense of everything; failing to recognize the fact that if there's a possibility that we will, there's a greater possibility that we won't. It's just the way it is.

Peace of mind and piece of mind do not really go along pretty well, at least for me. I suck at thinking. I always overthink things and I can't seem to get a hold of it. It's too early to feel tired but my mind already is.

Maybe I can go back to my sleep now.

GV, come to me! Keep coming!

2010-09-06T22:08:00.002+08:00

Okay, I'm no longer emo. But I am sick and I don't know why. I don't understand why my temper is 38 when I don't even have colds or a sore throat. Anyway, that's the least of my concerns right now. I'm just feeling this day, though tiresome, I sorta feel bettter - from being highly emo to a little bit emo nalang. Hehe, ang arti lang! Tomorrow, I hope it'll be "No longer emo" :)

Good vibes, come tome. Keep coming to me! I need you! :)

falling apart.

2010-09-05T09:55:00.003+08:00

I woke up with the urge to re-read everything I've written here. Maybe I need a validation of how wrong I am when I wrote yesterday that I haven't learned anything for the past 24 years. I need this. I just feel so down since I don't remember when and I want this feeling to go away. I am emotionally tired. The thought of failing has never motivated or challenged me in anyway. In fact, it caused me to drown myself even more with thoughts of how I am falling apart. I am never good in turning negative things into positive thoughts. I no longer have the ability to see the brighter side of things. The fire has died out a long time ago.

2010-09-04T18:40:00.003+08:00

This is me, the raw me. The me that's been hiding all these years. For the first time, I don't feel scared of writing what I want. But as much as I want to write every feeling, every thought as long as this courage lasts I don't think I can do that. It's just not possible for someone like me because I know myself too well. I know perfectly that I will regret it later on if I do that.

But this, I wanna share to those who care and to those who don't. I have a lot going on in my life right now. I am so stressed with my work, my family issues, my health problem, and other personal stuff. Desperately, I am hoping that I will wake up one day and realize that all the problems have gone away. But those kind of stuff only happen in books and I am in no fairy tale. No fairy godmother to offer me wishes. No prince charming or knight in shining armor to come to my rescue. No magic carpet to take me away. This is real life where most things don't come easy.

No matter how hopeless things may seem, I still hope. No matter how broken my heart gets every time I fall, it still beats anyway. No matter how distressed I am by love, I still choose to open up my heart. No matter how down life puts me, I still choose to rise up and live every moment - good or bad. I still choose to live.

I don't understand why when I was living an almost perfect life, I longed for balance between happiness and sadness. And now that I am living the ideal normal life I suddenly feel weak and discouraged. I don't understand why it took me this long to finally recognize that I already have what I have longed for in the past years. Well, life only does what it does best. It always surprise you... never fails.

With this, I'd like to quote a character from How I Met Your Mother, "I think I forgot how it feels like to chase the real thing. I think I'm ready again."

Broken dreams are still dreams.

2010-09-04T12:28:00.005+08:00

I am easily frustrated because I dream of a lot of romantic things. I'm no Andy Williams. I don't dream the impossible dream. I only dream of simple things. I dream about things that can happen to someone on any random day. Maybe that's what frustrates me most... that I have to dream of those little things while I see them happening to others every so often.

Oh well, maybe I don't dream and pray for it enough. I just hope that things happen for me before I get too tired of dreaming broken dreams.

fail

2010-09-04T10:31:00.003+08:00

Oftentimes, I feel that I do not give enough. It's either I give more or I give less but never enough. And I don't know what the heck is wrong with me. I don't understand why after 24 years I feel like I haven't learned anything. Now, I'm starting to feel scared that none of the things I want and dreamed of will ever happen for me. I'm such a waste. Something is wrong with me and I have to know what that is. I need to get away. I need change.

Excerpt: A Bend in the Road

2010-08-30T12:31:00.003+08:00

"Miles found himself thinking about Sarah Andrews once more.

He was attracted to her, that much was certain. He hadn't reacted that strongly to a woman in what seemed like forever...

...But this attraction for Sarah felt. . . new, and it made him feel new as well, as if anything were possible. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed that feeling.

But where would it go from here? That was the part he still wasn't sure about. He couldn't predict what, if anything, would happen with Sarah. He didn't know anything about her; in the end, they might not be compatible at all. There were a thousand things that could doom a relationship, and he wasn't blind to them.

Still, he'd been attracted to her.

Miles shook his head, forcing the thought away. No reason to dwell on it, except for the reason that the attraction had once again reminded him that he wanted to start over."

Kinikilig si Sangs.

2010-08-22T00:20:00.004+08:00

Someone wrote what he feels in my hand. He traced and spelled the words carefully. It was inkless but it left a mark not in my hand, but in my heart. Haha. In short, kinilig ako. That's all I've meant to say. It really felt good and he is evidently getting good at this.

I am smiling. :)

Krispy Kreme: Make Today Special

2010-08-19T20:32:00.006+08:00

It was a busy day in the office and I was feeling stressed out. But a surprise came just in time and made my day. I am smiling. Really, really smiling.

Just like Krispy Kreme's tag line, "Make Today Special". And today was indeed special... Really, really special. The gift was sweet but the person who brought it is waaaaaaaaay sweeter. Thank you!

Make Today Special

Enjoying the sweetness :)

To Multiply or Not To Multiply?

2010-08-18T18:40:00.003+08:00

While transferring files from my desktop to my new baby, I saw this folder saved as "For Multiply Upload". So I opened it and boy, was I surprised of how many subfolders were saved there waiting to be uploaded. It has been a long while since I last opened my account. I even had to retrieve the password, imagine that. As per records, my last photo upload was dated October of 2009.

Due to some changes that happened in my life this year, I was reluctant to use my existing Multiply account since it was full of memories of my past. I even considered making a new one. but then I thought, so what if it has too many memories of my past? It was a part of my life no matter what happens and a new multiply account won't erase those memories and it's not like I would mean to that. I've always been good in keeping memories, especially the good ones.

So I decided to keep my old account and to update it. It'd be interesting to browse the account maybe after a year or so and see the transition from one chapter of my life to another. I just wish there's a way to change the user name though; but since there's none (yet), I guess I'm stuck with it.

Check out my Multiply Page: http://zen06.multiply.com
The Brief Online Documentation of my Life :)

unHEALTHY

2010-08-18T15:39:00.005+08:00

This will be the first time I'll be writing about my health condition. I'm not going to pour out the details, of course. I just want to share this experience.

For the first time, in this series of medical consultations, I went to the doctor alone. I was so scared. Thanks to my uber wild imaginations and dream sequences that I suppose rooted from my belief that I should always expect for the worst but hope for the best. Well actually, there was never a time (so far) that I didn't feel scared of what the findings might be so I'd always bring my mom with me. But since my mom can't come with me, I had no choice but to come alone.

I hope this will be the last time I'll be going through this (physically) alone.

This may sound exaggerated.
Heck I hope that I just exaggerated this.

hopeless me.

2010-08-12T08:58:00.000+08:00

I've been reading about other people's lives. They share such interesting stories every now and then. Made me wonder why my life isn't like theirs. They are about the same age as mine, some prolly even younger but they are out there in the wild chasing their dreams while I'm stuck here in my room dealing with this effin' stiff neck and headache.

Though it's next to impossibility, I hope someone gets disappointed too upon visiting my blog and finds nothing new to read. Kahit isang tao lang, sana meron. Kahit isang tao lang.

null.

2010-08-11T20:40:00.000+08:00

Today can't get any uglier. Empty. Much like this entry.

Purple Smile.

2010-07-31T18:12:00.004+08:00

I'm finally able to find and buy a purple netbook with great specs at a reasonable price. And I've been thinking of what to name her. Yes, she's a she. Harhar. I'm going nuts! Haylavet!

New-old me.

2010-07-18T15:57:00.005+08:00

There were times when I asked why there are relationships that grow cold. I thought figuring out where it went wrong would give me the answers I'm looking for but at the end of my attempts, I am back to where I started - still asking myself. Perhaps, no one can really question love because it's supposed to be felt, not to be figured out.

I just came out of a six-year relationship and the moment it was over, I thought life had already lost its meaning. I didn't know where to pick up from. I didn't know how to start over again. I thought I was faced with an impossible task of forgetting. I thought forgetting him will be the key to my salvation. However, all my efforts to forget him has just doubled the pain. The more that I forced myself into forgetting, the more intense the pain became. So I let myself move in my pace. Then, I started collecting myself, one step at a time. I lived every today and every tomorrow as it came. I started to make plans for myself. I made a list and lost it. But the point here is that I was able to make that first step. I realized and learned so many things. I realized that I can never take him off my heart just like the ones before him. They will forever be a part of me. They are a part of who I am. They were all like an added pillar that strengthened me as a person. I'd like to think they made me stronger and better.

Sometimes you really need to step back to see things in a clearer perspective and that's what I did. Thus, no more victimizing myself. No more why-questions. No more tears. No more hoping. No more pain. I realized that not all good things last. Note that this isn't pessimism. This is reality and this is as real as it can get. This is life.

I have no regrets about what happened. I am just thankful that once in my life the feeling lived in my heart and made me happy. Thank you.

First love NEVER dies ♥

2010-07-18T10:24:00.006+08:00

My love for dancing, to simply put it, is undying! It started when I was in pre-school. My mom would always laugh when she talks about how "bibbo" I was. My mom was my first dance instructor. If passion for dancing is hereditary then I must say I got it from her. My dad's a good dancer too, though. His foot works are crazy. And he's really good in Cha-cha, most especially.

Going back to my younger years, I can say I've been dancing all my life. There were times though when I tried to leave dancing thinking it was necessary at the time. But dancing proved to be more that just an extra activity. It became more like my way of life. I dance what I feel and I feel what I dance. It was like that. My love for dancing has been tried and tested over the years. Now, I've finally came to a late realization that nothing and no one can ever take this away from me.

It feels so good to finally go back to dancing again after some months of absence. The feeling is beyond words to describe. I missed dancing and I missed Musiqality above all.

Dancing is love. Dancing is life.

Fat Wednesdays

2010-07-14T21:27:00.000+08:00

Oh I dread Wednesdays all because of the fit of my uniform. My Wednesday uniform makes me look fat. Oh lemme rephrase that. It really shows that I am fat and is getting fatter. Demmit. I get pretty much the same comments from different people every Wednesday. "Tumataba ka ata ah..", "Ma'am, bumibilog tayo ah.", "Zen parang tumataba ka nga talaga." My reaction? I just answer with a smile while punching them straight on the face in my mind. 'Twas a joke, of course, but half-meant. :D

Gaaaaaad.. this is so depressing. How many times do I have to tell all of you, I am not fat. I'm just BIG BONED! Hahaha!

Where was I?

2010-07-13T19:37:00.005+08:00

It's been almost a month since my last entry and reading "I missed writing here." shouldn't come as a surprise. Seriously. I wanted to write about everything that happened during my absence but I'm feeling lazy as usual. As much as I hate writing in bullet form, I sometimes make exemptions courtesy of laziness by yours truly. Pretty much like this one. Duh.

Eclipse. I finally got to see it. Yes, 'finally' really is the perfect word. It was nice. Bella got prettier and Jacob is still a hunk as ever! I think it's the best among the series. The dialogues were sweeter and smarter. The only thing I didn't like about the story is the climax. It was sort of 'bitin'. Oh and also, I still don't get it why it was entitled as such. It's either I'm too slow or the title really does not have any relevance to the story at all. I guess I better start reading the book. My date thinks the change of director prolly has something to do with the improvements in the screenplay and the cinematography. He can be wrong but I think he's right. Or am I just bias? ;p
Toy Story 3 in 3D. Such an adorable movie. It was funny and a tearjerker at the same time. The story sort of reminded me how some things are really inevitable and how these things can hurt you but still make you feel alive. Well, we only gain in life.
Divisoria. Another 'finally'. After a long time, I got to visit the place again. Shopped a little with Avs and Kiwi. Had an encounter with flood and wished that Jaic was there with us. Lol. No matter how crowded it gets, Divisoria simply is the place to be.
Knight and Day. Had a movie date with Froggy and Avs before going to Avs's surprise birthday party. She was totally clueless and I loved it. Hehe. It was a great gimmick and congratulations to Froggy for a well-planned surprise. :D
Legally Blonde. The perks of being a Meralco employee!! Yeah. We got to watch this for free. FYI, I'm referring to Nikki Gil's theater play and not Reese Witherspoon's movie. Nikki was good, in fairness. I didn't recognize Cris Villongco, who played the role of Vivian. And Nyoy Volante really is a small guy. Hehe. Oh and Jet Pangan was part of the cast too.
QUALITY TIME. The best part of everything. 'Nuff said. OMG!
Family Bonding. I dated my family one Sunday... My treat, for a change. Had a great time; I wish my brother's here though. Yayan, my adopted baby brother, finally had his first professional haircut at Cuts for Tots at Trinoma. He's the cutest rock star ever!! :D
Date. Long talk about life, love, and everything in between. Plus the fireworks for the added romantic drama. I am smiling. I definitely am. Thank you. ♥
Musiqality. I miss them so bad. I'm so excited to finally see them again after months of being MIA. I missed dancing but not as much as I missed these ladies.
Service Application. After six months of handling complaints, I am back in service applications. Paguran nanaman itey! WARLA! Less monitoring, less irate customers, less phone calls, less stress but more pagod... mooooore pagoooood. Demmit!!
Masters Degree. I am craving for higher education. Or do I just miss being a student? But this has to wait til next year. My savings is still not enough. Gaaaad... I wanna study again.

Days weren't as boring and as hectic as before. My life started to make more sense and became more interesting. I am finally back on track. Things are a lot better now. The sun always shows up after the storm. That's just the way it is.

♥

2010-06-16T19:40:00.002+08:00

It feels so damn good when someone hears a song and automatically thinks of you.

"When I'm in love, it'll be for better.
I'll give you my heart forever and ever.
No arms can ever hold you more than I do.
No man can ever love you babe it's true.
You came to me from heaven, yes it's true."

OH MY GOSH... You make me wanna say,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.... Oh My Gosh!

date.

2010-06-07T23:47:00.003+08:00

I was finally able to watch Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time!! Yey!
It was a really good movie. Every cent was worth it.
I really had a great time.
THANK YOU. ♥

Umayngas!

2010-06-06T01:08:00.004+08:00

I WZ SurPrIsed 2~ seE~ tHat ITz pst 1aM alREADy P0WH.
i dOnT FeeL Sleepy At ol p0Wh.~
wT~ D hEcK P0wh. ~

Haha. What the fart?! Buti na lang hindi english speaking/texting/writing ang mga Jejemons. Ampanget pala pag nagkataon! Jejeje! Oooops! Goodnight, World Wide Web a.k.a. Whole Wide World.

ANTM Cycles feat My Personal Favorites

2010-06-05T14:09:00.013+08:00

I am bored and since I can't feel or think of anything I'd love to rant, I mean write about, this photo-blog entry about my personal favorites in all cycles of America's Next Top Model should suffice.

ANTM Cycle 1
Elysse Sewell

ANTM Cycle 2
Shandi Sullivan

ANTM Cycle 3
Eva Marcille

ANTM Cycle 4
Naima Mora

ANTM Cycle 5
Jayla Rubinelli

ANTM Cycle 6
Danielle Evans

ANTM Cycle 7
Michelle Deighton

ANTM Cycle 8
Renee Alway

Brittany Hatch

ANTM Cycle 9
Chantal Jones

ANTM Cycle 10
Whitney Thompson

ANTM Cycle 11
Marjorie Conrad

*** *** ***

Cycle 14 is still ongoing, if I'm not mistaken. I haven't watched Cycles 12 to 14 and I'm planning to buy a DVD of it soon. I am still bored. Whut da fart?!

Finally Living. Selflessly Loving. Really Learning.

2010-06-05T09:59:00.004+08:00

June is so far, okay. Nothing unusual or worth-writing has happened yet. Whether it's a good thing or a bad thing, I don't really care. Though lately, I've spent most of my free time thinking about my life, about what I want, and what I need. I initially planned on making a list of everything I want and need to serve as my easy guide on the things I have to work for. Then I got lazy. HAHA. How I hope it's that easy. Making a list of what you want and need with the goal of crossing out as many as you can. It can be that easy but I know myself too well. I am not good with lists anymore. Chances are, I might even misplace or lose it even before I can cross out something from it.

It's amazing how everyday seemed like a chance of discovering something new about me. Funny how every time I daydream or indulge myself to self-evaluation, I find that I am still not the person I want to be or I think I could be. At least, I'm not becoming the person I hate either. Now, how's that for a good thing? Well, I've been through so much lately and I'm letting myself recover and move at my own pace. I really think that's by far the best thing I've let myself do. And when I finally get back to my old ways, it will all feel like brand new because I've changed. Yes, I did. And everything, good or bad, that I've learned and felt and saw and smelled and touched and thought and did, I owe it all to life. I am alive and I feel alive.

My life isn't perfect, not even close but I love it this way. It is better this way because I am learning (A LOT). This is probably what I need. This is probably what I want.

MONDAY.

2010-05-31T18:00:00.003+08:00

Did you know that "Tinimbang Ka Ngunit Kulang" was Christopher de Leon's first movie? Now, lemme ask, who can tell that I am bored? Anyone who'd say that I am bored should be crucified! Woooh!

I am sick. I spent the whole day in my room and much to my dismay, I thought I heard Matchbox 20's Unwell play in the background. I could have done a flawless, award-winning MTV for the song. or NOT! Thanks to Cinema One killing time was tad bit easier than expected. And as a matter of fact, I am currently taking time in thinking of things to do for tomorrow because it looks like I'll still be spending the day off. Darn this fever! Note that my temp since noon was consistently 38.5.

I am literally unwell. Boo me!
ineedurloving.

As random as it can get.

2010-05-30T12:56:00.006+08:00

I am at home but my mind's elsewhere feeding me stuff to think about.

I've procrastinated enough and losing weight has to start today. Goodbye fried chicken. Goodbye hotdogs. Goodbye candies. Goodbye chocolates. In short, goodbye good life! Boohoo!
I am already 24 and should act and think like 24. I've lacked maturity the past months and handled things poorly. I've hurt people and have no right to complain on how they've hurt me too. It was a rude awakening but I am thankful that I have now came to these realizations. I'll be back on track in no time. I've lost and found my way.
Nicholas Sparks once wrote: "We attempt to be accepting of others. Sometimes we aren't but at least we try."
Chocolates are effective energy boosters. But since I am placing myself under strict diet, looking at his picture should be enough to keep me going.
I need to start saving. I've been working for two years already but I still haven't saved enough. It's not that I don't see where all my salary has gone. In fact, I see a lot of it in my room... in my closet, specifically. I see it in every top or dress that doesn't fit me anymore. Demmit!
Goodbye to you, self-absorbed b*tch a.k.a. ME!
I am in love. I am in love with life. I am in love with love. I am in love with everything there is to fall in love with. Best of all, I am in love with a fickle-minded-cutesy-patootsy-purple-ogre! I am thinking positively. GV! GV! GV!
I still can't believe that I managed to screw up the first half of this year. Oh well, what's new. It's what I do best but ain't it too early for that? I remember promising myself that this year will be MY year; that I will attract all positive vibes and will finally make things happen for me. How do I expect to keep my promises to other people when I keep breaking the promises I make to MEself. I have to grow up. I have to catch up to my age. Seriously.
Amidst of all the chaos I am in, God was still kind He gave me someone who amazingly helped me pick up my broken self and reminded me that life is still beautiful after all. THANK YOU.
I am no writer and I've had four long years of college life to prove that. Well, I will prolly always be this "wanna-be-this-or-that-or-this-and-that" person until I finally find the motivation I need to actually get up and do something to get what I want or to be who I really want to be. Motivation, where the fart are you?!
It's funny how Facebook provides much too many ways on how you can expose your inner feelings in the whole wide world-world wide web (www). By just liking those funny-silly-meaningful pages that regularly appears in your message board, you've somewhat successfully expressed what you feel or want with the great possibility that it will reach the person ion your mind when you clicked "like". Guess what I just liked awhile ago: "Remember how close we used to be? Yeah I miss that :(".
The truth shall set you free. It always have and always will. It's much too cliche-ish but the measure of truth in it is undeniable and most of the time, unbearable.

*** *** ***

Tired mind. Tired body. Tired heart. BUT...
I still feel alive.

The BEST MOM awards goes to...

2010-05-30T09:41:00.005+08:00

... MY MOM!

Well, not because she is the only mom I have but because she really is the best mom.

I have always wanted to ask her how she does it. I mean, being a mom is the noblest-most-tiresome job ever, not to mention that they cannot take any day off, right? It's not like they can post a note on the fridge and say "I'm on leave. Do not disturb." I know she's tired but still she never lets it show. Our moms are the most selfless human beings in this world and they give the best comfort too, don't you agree? It doesn't matter where as long as I am with my mom, it ALWAYS feels like I am home.

Going back to the days when I was still pasaway, though I still am only that I toned down, I remember some times where I thought my mom would give up on me but didn't. There was a phase in my life when loving me was, I think, the hardest thing my mom ever did. She prolly even doubted herself because of me, of the way I was when I was in grade school and in highschool. Despite of everything and anything, she kept on loving me. I gave her a hard time in loving me but she was still there. She stood by me until I was matured enough to realize everything I did and that I wasn't in any way deserving of her love.

I am who I am because of my mom and the things I learned through her and from her. She is a large part of who I am. She is my best friend. She is my idol. She means the world to me. My mom is my everything! Too much for an over-used statement but if I were given a chance to choose who I want to be my mom, I will choose her EVERY TIME.

I always told myself that by 24 or 25, I will be someone's wife and by 26 I'd be a hot mommah (Hihi!). But because I am still single, I obviously have to make some adjustments. LOL! However, I also always ask myself am I mother material? It sure feels good to have my baby but am I up for the challenge? Am I or will I ever be ready to do what my mom have done for me and for our family? Then I realized, I don't have to worry at all because I LEARNED FROM THE BEST!

Facebook Status: Mothers don't just know best. They also LOVE best!

Bull crap. Ouch.

2010-05-28T19:52:00.003+08:00

Someone bluntly told me that my explanations were all "bull crap". Yes, that was the term used. I am not taking it against her if she doesn't want to believe me but does her words really have to be that sharp and painful? It felt as if the sadness and helplessness surfaced and came to me all at once. It was beyond melancholic in so many levels. I initially asked myself what it is that I did that made her hate me that much, you know, to use those kinds of words to pertain to what I call "my feelings". But then I realized, it's not what I did but what I did not do that made her turn her back on me. So yeah, I prolly deserve it.

If only....

Mabuhay si Alessandra!

2010-05-27T21:27:00.000+08:00

Sabi ni Alessandra de Rossi:

Umarte lang ng naaayon sa itsura. Pag hindi masyadong maganda, wag masyadong maarte.

Haha! Antaray talaga. I saw this posted at a friend's wallpost at Facebook. I just thought it would be funny to repost it. Winner talaga ang hirit ni Alessandra, natural na natural. At higit sa lahat, meron shang point. Aminin! :P

workaholic me?

2010-05-27T20:22:00.003+08:00

I spent 13 hours at the office multi-tasking almost half the time - processing service applications while accomplishing my rebilling forms. Spell tired? I'm not even excited for tomorrow because I still have to work on Saturday. Yes, I am a self-proclaimed workaholic and I hate it.

I lost my mood. Have you seen it?

Can't get enough of G1BO.

2010-05-05T15:15:00.004+08:00

I can't help but be amazed on how Gibo addresses the questions thrown to him. I just want to share his answer when asked by Sionil Jose of Philippine Star about his vision of the country.

I want to see a Philippines that is peaceful, has strong institutions of governance, has modern infrastructure, has food security, is technologically and educationally advanced, with a people who have the capacity to make rational decisions for themselves, true freedom of thought and of expression, a power in Southeast Asia and perhaps the Asia-Pacific, ecologically rich and diverse, in short a country where our people would want to remain.

I can almost taste hope while reading his answers. To relate, read on Sionil Jose's Interview with Gibo Teodoro. He is the perfect man for the post. I do hope he wins because it is our nation's loss if he doesn't.

G1BO is a smart choice. He is the smart's choice!

2010-05-05T12:31:00.009+08:00

I have finally come up with a decision. I finally know who I'm voting for in this coming Presidential elections. I was initially torn between Gordon and Gibo for they were the two best candidates for the post. However, with the help of some articles, websites, fan pages, and the like, I have decided to go for Green. Yes, Gibo is my president.

It is both upsetting and frustrating how the national elections (this and the earlier ones) have become more like a popularity contest than an election where we're supposed to vote based on credentials, legislative accomplishments, and everything of the sort. Most of us think that by voting, we have already exercised our right as a citizen of this country. Yes, that's right. Even I believe that but I also believe that it doesn't just end there. To fully exercise our right to vote entails voting with the right reasons. Vote because you believe in your candidate, in his platform, plans, and capabilities. There are no wrong candidates in every election only better ones. One is always better than the rest and that's why you should root for that candidate, whoever it is. Voting will not definitely make you look apolitical but wasting your vote will make you one. Voting based on the wrong reasons is far worse than not voting at all. Isn't this the time when it is relevant to say that the future is in our hands?

I am not gonna vote for the lesser evil or for someone who has repeatedly, time and again, stressed out that he will end poverty. Instead, I will vote for someone who has aside from concrete plans on how to bring about positive change in the country's situation, also has a deeper knowledge and understanding of leadership. With this, let me quote Gibo, "I believe the country, more important than needing a strong leader, needs strong leadership. This is the difference between what I perceive to be contemporary viewpoints, the failure to distinguish between the person and the institution. Oftentimes, strong leadership is built around an individual and stays that way, while I believe in creating lasting institutions with the clear position that my participation will be temporary."

The last line of his statement was my favorite. With our economic situation, what we need is a leader like him; someone who walks the talk, works with integrity, and has a genuine want to put our country back on track. The other candidates may also have these attributes. It's just that with my president, I AM CERTAIN.

Wala si Zen... tulog... lumabas... nasa banyo!

2010-05-05T07:36:00.004+08:00

Have been feeling sick since the other night so I've decided to take a leave from work. For the meantime, I'll just take advantage of my situation and do what I've wanted to do on times like this - BUM OUT! :D Movie Marathon. Blog. Surf the net. YouTube. Music downloads. Iso.hunt. Food trip. SLEEP.

In short, today will be "buhay baboy" day!
I'll Oink the day away!!

on smiling and cancelled plans.

2010-05-03T15:05:00.004+08:00

I am sad but yeah,
I UNDERSTAND.

on to randomness.

2010-05-03T10:22:00.008+08:00

Just got this from a friend's page. I'm re-postin'.. waddup!

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You’ll have your heart broken and you’ll break others’ hearts. You’ll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you’ll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you’ve never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. You just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone’s hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, and smile until your face hurts. Don’t be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back."

* * * * * *

I'm still not done with my soul-searching.
And I'm praying so hard for everything to go okay.
I already know what I want and I finally know what to pray for.
Been successful in clearing up my mind.
I'm getting up again and this time I am stronger.
I know better now. I am BETTER.

...of silver and love.

2010-04-27T22:01:00.004+08:00

In a few hours it'd be my mom and dad's Silver wedding anniversary. Awww.. How time flies. I can still remember when I or we thought that they aren't going to make it this far. Well, everybody go through tough times. Sabi nga, the wisdom we gained via experiences, we owe to the sad/bad/tough/whatever-you-wanna-call-it times, right? :) And now, here they are, at home, fighting sleepiness just to kiss and greet each other at exactly midnight. Oh I'm singing... "25 years of my life and still trying to get that great big deal of hope.. lalala ♪♫" WAHAHAHA. Kiddin'. How about "Endless Love" for the added cheesiness and extra drama, eh?

I am so proud of and happy for mom and dad for getting this far. Their marriage may not be perfect (whose is, anyway?) but see, they still stuck around and soldiered on and will, in a few hours, celebrate 25 fruitful years of togetherness. This somehow makes me want to believe (again) that it's worth it to risk being cut open for a promising prize that we all call "forever".

Someday, I wanna be able to have this same experience. I wanna be able to enjoy that great feeling of sharing 25 years of marriage with someone and be able to look back and laugh at myself 25 years ago when I doubted love. This is indeed a moment to be merry. I just wish I had ample time to prepare a sweeter surprise/gift. And oh, how I wish I can reveal the surprise on time for their anniversary; but unfortunately, the surprise has to wait until mid of May. Dang! Better late than never, I always say (as an exuse.. errr!).

I love my parents.
I love silver.
I love love.

CHEERS TO THE GOOD LIFE!!

Oh I just wanna be...

2010-04-25T23:18:00.003+08:00

... a JEJEMON!
Bwahahahahahahaha!

I just wanna be Overloved by someone who's over in love with me.

Yesterday SPENT.

2010-04-25T16:57:00.004+08:00

Spent the whole morning at the office. More computations, more fun.. Yehessss!! Miraculously, I didn't feel bored or lazy or not in the mood while dealing with paper works. I was productive, for a change. And oh I missed bonding with my officemates! I certainly hope they missed me too. Well, mukha namang oo.

******

Spent the whole afternoon at the mall with a friend. And the perfect word for the afternoon was "FINALLY". I just wish we had a longer time to kill. The "usap time" was sort of bitin but I'd rather have it that way than none at all.

******

Spent the night with Musiqality. We were supposed to get tired and sweaty altogether. But BOO ME I got injured even before I can warm up for our gymnastics training. So I just stayed on the side and enviously watched them sweat up in doing some skills. DEMMIT.

suweeeeeet!

2010-04-23T18:20:00.002+08:00

Yehesssss...
I finally got the result of my promotion.
Thank you, Lord!! :)

Epiphany, and et cetera.

2010-04-21T23:02:00.005+08:00

I had an epiphany.. The moment was a rude awakening. I was sooo stupid to even believe that something good was gonna happen today. I was stupid to believe that he's gonna go out of his way for me. Who am I anyway. I'm just this stupid girl who, out of sheer stupidity, hoped for a stupid miracle. Not into me... not into me... not into me...

* * * * * *

It was a long and tiring day. Went to Ortigas for a consultation with our company dietitian and dermatologist. I was there from 11:15 to 4PM just sitting around, wandering, waiting, hoping to see a familiar face. Ate snack with Istipen then went to Trinoma. Met with Gracie and Istipen (again) at around 6PM at Starbucks. We can't think of anything to do so after eating at Goldilocks, we decided to watch Kick Ass. It was sorta morbid. Nevertheless, we liked it.

* * * * * *

BE SURE THAT YOU MATTER IN THE SPACE YOU OCCUPY.

you were there.

2010-04-17T09:59:00.001+08:00

i had a dream.

it was sorta blurry.

but you were there.

we were together.

nothing unusual though.

you were just there and i was too.

THE END.

♥

2010-04-17T02:42:00.004+08:00

Pesteng Love yan!
Ang sakit sa ulo!

2010-04-15T23:16:00.003+08:00

What was up with me today. I had no energy at all and I intentionally swamped myself with paper works and computations. While my office mates were laughing, I was there at the other end of the lobby pretending not to hear anything. I was sort of anti-social. I felt empty. I wasn't feeling happy nor sad... as in nadah! I was the last one to go home. It was around 7:40 when I swiped out. That was the end of my Thursday at the office.

* * * * * *

Am I really ready? Am I really up for this? For the nth time, I'm throwing myself out there in the wild. and yes, I feel scared but it's not what's out there that scares me really but the uncertainty of what lies ahead. It's the uncertainty of what's gonna happen that bothers me. But hey, I'm done with being safe so let this battle begin.

* * * * * *

Stranger in love. Oh life!

* * * * * *

Happy Birthday, Coach Ayeng Paitone! ♫♪

detox.

2010-04-14T00:24:00.003+08:00

Spent the weekend at Baguio with my co-employees. It was a much-needed vacay. I am so stressed and Baguio was a sweet remedy! It always is. ♥ I was planning on posting some pictures but I forgot I gave Gracie my camera since I am feeling lazy to upload everything. Well, to sum it up, I HAD FUN.

Since I was there last year, I sorta took the honors of touring them around. It was one hell of a trip. The food was super great and the place, Woaaaah! I am still blown away by its beauty. We took a lot of pictures.. as in a lot. When I say "a lot", I'm talking about more or less 500 photos! See?! We had so much fun. We were stress-proof. Hihi.

Baguio is lalalalooooooooove! ♥

* * * * * *

I remember I planned on traveling frequently this year and so far I think I'm doing good.
Bohol... Baguio... San Pablo, Laguna... what's next? :)

About Me? Fail!

2010-04-06T21:47:00.003+08:00

I thought of writing something else in my profile here in Blogspot instead of the plain "I DANCE." beside my picture. But I can't think of anything to write. How's that.

MAJOR MALFUNCTION.