e.s.k.a.p.o.

Gusto ko umeskapo. Natuturete na isip ko sa dami ng mga problemang iniintindi ko. Minsan napapaisip ako, pag ba tiningnan ako ng tao, katanggap-tanggap pa kaya sa perspesyon nila kung malaman nila na bente-uno pa lang ako? O magtataka na sila at magugulat na ganun lang ang edad ko? Effective ba ang stresstabs?

Minsan ang sarap na lang mag-wala, magsisigaw, at magtapon ng gamit. Yung tipong one time big time na pagwawala, yung nakakahingal, yung nakakaiyak, yung nakakagigil, yung nakakaubos ng energy. Ang sarap siguro nun noh? Yung may sandaling panahon na wala kang lakas kaya may excuse ka na huminga ng maluwag at humiga sa kama nang walang iniisip habang yung katawan at isip mo nagiipon ng energy dahil alam mo sa sarili mo na ilang sandali lang ay magiisip ka nanaman ng solusyon sa problemang kinakaharap mo. Nakakabusog. Nakakauta. Nakakasawa.

Pwede bang umeskapo na lang? Lalayas, magpapakalayo-layo, magtatago, hindi magpaparamdam... okay ba yung ganon? Kahit isang araw lang... isang araw na wala akong iisipin, walang iintindihin... isang araw na hindi ako makakaramdam ng galit, hindi ako iiyak, hindi mangangalumbaba, hindi magkukunot ng noo... isang araw na pwede akong ngumiti, pwedeng tumawa, pwedeng humalakhak kasi ganun talaga yung nararamdamam ko. Yung tawa na walang pinagtatakpan, tawang tunay, tawang totoo. Nakakamiss lang eh.

..on pain and rage

Right now, I could only think of one way to get even with those people who continue to hurt my family. I can't help but see injustice in all that is happening right now. For all the things they've said to my mom... the harsh things she heard from them.. though I was taught by my parents to always respect a person no matter what, I still can't help but to feel hate, anger, and rage towards them.

Seeing those tears from my mom's eyes, grrrrrrrrr.... every time... every f*cking time, I wish to take revenge. But my mom would just say, "Hayaan mo sila. Wala na tayong magagawa dun."

My mom choose to keep silent. All she will do is cry and then that's it. I don't know how she manages to ignore all these and how she can just let things go and not fight for her self. How I wish I can be like her. I wish I can be as peaceful as her.

Okay na lang. Maniwala na lang tayo sa karma. Si God na ang bahala.

...on cars and challenges

I'm doing a project about cars right now. And I feel totally challenged because my knowledge on cars can just go as far as "Ooooh, I love the green-ess of the car." "It's Mazda 3, siet." Sa ngalan nga naman ng pera. I may not know a lot about the subject but I think I can still nail this article... I hope. Wish me luck for my 5-page article due at 2am, March 7.

broke in the wrong time.

The first one was tolerable. Though I want to watch, I let Ne-Yo's concert pass since I'm not a big fan of him naman. I like his songs though and I've lots of friends who went there to watch. Even my cousins watched the concert. Wrong timing kasi eh. I have the money but I don't have the luxury of time to go to Manila and watch. So okay lang, it was not that big a deal for me coz I'm no Ne-yo fanatic at all. But when I heard that Maroon 5 and Incubus will be having their concert, super na-sad na lang ako. As expected, the tickets were already sold out. Late ko na kasi nalaman. Actually, my friend's selling his tickets for the Incubus concert kaya lang kumusta naman, 3k+ ang worth eh. Hay. Eh I'm planning to buy two tickets, one for me and one for Erik coz we'll be celebrating our 51st Monthsary. So that would cost me six thousand bucks. Eh jusko saang lupalop naman ng wallet ko kukunin ung 6k, diba? Hay. Now, I have the time and the heart for the performers but I don't have the money anymore. Life can really be bitchy sometimes.

omg. i love this song.

I've created a playlist in my player where I compiled all my favorite songs and I lamely labeled it as "faves". It contains more or less 70 songs. But for some unknown reason, I chose to listen to Chris Brown's With You last night. As in out of the estimated 70 songs in my player, I played Chris Brown's With You over and over again. I'm actually listening to it right now. I feel this song.



With You - Chris Brown


Chris Brown - With You lyrics