midnight feels

There are still some days when I wake up to the feeling of brokenness and sadness. During these days, I automatically give in to the sad thoughts that seemed to have found its way to the surface during my sleep. During these days, I still harbor the same questions that I asked myself back when you told me to fight for you.

There are days when I just want to stop thinking about you, to just give up loving you, and to stop waiting... But I guess it is true what they said that the heart wants what it wants. This heart wants what it wants and this heart still wants you. And as much as I no longer want to hope, a part of me is still holding on to the slight piece of thought that maybe, just maybe, yours still wants me too.

Right now, I just try to get my mind off things by spending time with friends, writing, reading, doodling, dancing, archery, binge-watching TVD on Netflix, and a whole lot of other activities. I hope that the fact that I have not been crying as often as I do before is an indication that what I am doing is effective. I cannot be more thankful for having such great friends who make me feel loved and cared for. I am thankful that God has surrounded me with people and opportunities that reminds me of His love and presence. Because of all these, my purple heart still manages to smile. I may have lost you but I still have lots of reasons to smile and to be thankful for.

If there's anything good that came out of this fiasco, it's the fact that my relationship with God has grown significantly stronger. It is His words and my prayers that are really helping me through everything. Through the power of prayers, I believe that, little by little, I am getting better despite the occasional bad days. There are less sleepless nights and less tears. I am also slowly getting my appetite back and even though it would mean gaining all the weight I've lost, I think that's still good.

My faith is bigger and stronger than my pain. With God by my side, there is nothing that I won't be able to face. I am saved.

on smiling and cancelled plans.

I am sad but yeah,
I UNDERSTAND.

waiting in vain

For the first time in a long while, I felt so bored. I already checked all my accounts, even my email addies which I do not usually do I even checked my accounts at jobstreet and jobsdb for like thrice in a span of two hours already but I still feel bored. Argh. I wish the companies would start calling me already. Actually, they already did, things just happened to screw up by themselves. The first one was a company, which I wasn't able to identify because the friggin' battery of my low tech phone (6610i) died. They called again after a few hours but I wasn't able to attend to it because I was having an exam at Meralco. Unfortunately, they didn't call again. Then the other one was last night, from PATECO. I missed their call..twice. I was hoping they will call again today but as of now, nadah.

Like I said, things screwed up by themselves. Well, that's one for a change... lols. But seriously, I'm really going nuts right now, checking my phones every second hoping that the companies will start calling me up for interviews.

Such a hot aftie, it makes me feel so cranky. Good thing I'm all alone-y. YUCK!

Wish me luck.