and because i feel so drowned in mixed emotions already. i am tempted to smoke my very first cigarette stick. is there any other way to wash this off? i can't stay calm. i am soooo confused.
why do some people have to be insensitive and dishonest?
Showing posts with label dilemma. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dilemma. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
shaping up
been down lately. done some thinking and i finally admitted to myself that i'm totally screwed up. my life's a mess and has no direction. sure i have goals and that was what i always thought mattered. and i'm so stupid to even think that achieving my goals will be just as easy as having one... you know, crossing the bridge when you get there. i always thought it will dictate how i should live my life and which path to take but i'm wrong. totally wrong.
now, i'm an unemployed-bum-parent-dependent person.. in short, a loser. ouch. i need to start learning how to stand on my own. i don't want to be like those people who i dislike for not being able to support themselves or at least try to be independent. but i'm afraid that is what's happening to me... i'm being the person that i don't like to be.
had a talk with my mom recently. she asked me about my plans, whether i'm planning to get a job or to pursue another field or a master's degree. then, there was an awkward moment of silence. what's worse is that, it wasn't because i can't seem to put into words my great plans. it was because there are no great plans... YET. and this uber disappointing fact made me feel as if i'm a part of a so-called social status, popularly known as the Losers. several jobs have been presenting itself to me but i turned my back on them for personal reasons. my life's still a mess and i just thought that it'd be better if i make my next move once i get into shape. i don't want to engage into something unprepared. so i took some time off to contemplate.
now, i gathered up my thoughts and managed to collect myself. my "life"-plan is still a work in progress but at least there's an improvement. just wish me luck and don't jinx me.
whew.
now, i'm an unemployed-bum-parent-dependent person.. in short, a loser. ouch. i need to start learning how to stand on my own. i don't want to be like those people who i dislike for not being able to support themselves or at least try to be independent. but i'm afraid that is what's happening to me... i'm being the person that i don't like to be.
had a talk with my mom recently. she asked me about my plans, whether i'm planning to get a job or to pursue another field or a master's degree. then, there was an awkward moment of silence. what's worse is that, it wasn't because i can't seem to put into words my great plans. it was because there are no great plans... YET. and this uber disappointing fact made me feel as if i'm a part of a so-called social status, popularly known as the Losers. several jobs have been presenting itself to me but i turned my back on them for personal reasons. my life's still a mess and i just thought that it'd be better if i make my next move once i get into shape. i don't want to engage into something unprepared. so i took some time off to contemplate.
now, i gathered up my thoughts and managed to collect myself. my "life"-plan is still a work in progress but at least there's an improvement. just wish me luck and don't jinx me.
whew.
Monday, January 7, 2008
on idle times... updates
haven't been able to blog lately... and it's because i was sick. actually, i still am but i'm feeling a whole lot better. have nothing much to write about, really.. i just want to write. i have so many thoughts in my head and i don't know which one to write about. so lemme try..
first up: there's my dilemma of whether or not to go with my family in migrating to canada. sure there are bigger opportunities there but i'm not quite sure if i can give up my life here for a promising life abroad. you know it's not easy to just leave everything behind especially if i have lived here all my life. this is the place i've known and seen for almost 22 years. i can't just give this up.
since i still haven't decided about this matter yet, i can't figure out my next move. i just graduated last semester so right now, i don't know whether i'll study again or start to work. if i decide to go with my family, i'd have to study again because i'm already turning 22 (ouch) on March, which means that in terms of age, i'm already expected to be independent already so i'd be required to file a solo application for migration. that's the rule of the Canadian embassy. To work or not to work - that is the question. *boink
second up: diet. i really need to slim down. gaaad. i'm getting fatter and heavier day by day. but how can i slim down? i don't have time to exercise and whenever i have time, i feel lazy to do so. haha. kidding. ang sarap sarap naman kasi kumain. arg. my mom always reminds me about my weight and physique. eto na kasi ang pinakmataba kong katawan. imagine? from 100 to 105lbs, i now weigh 120lbs? gosh. i'm starting to feel very body-conscious for the first time. ohwell, you know what they say, there is always a first time for everything. this just sucks. that's it.
those are the two major dilemmas i have. petty as it is for others, for me it's a big big big deal. God, please guide me.
first up: there's my dilemma of whether or not to go with my family in migrating to canada. sure there are bigger opportunities there but i'm not quite sure if i can give up my life here for a promising life abroad. you know it's not easy to just leave everything behind especially if i have lived here all my life. this is the place i've known and seen for almost 22 years. i can't just give this up.
since i still haven't decided about this matter yet, i can't figure out my next move. i just graduated last semester so right now, i don't know whether i'll study again or start to work. if i decide to go with my family, i'd have to study again because i'm already turning 22 (ouch) on March, which means that in terms of age, i'm already expected to be independent already so i'd be required to file a solo application for migration. that's the rule of the Canadian embassy. To work or not to work - that is the question. *boink
second up: diet. i really need to slim down. gaaad. i'm getting fatter and heavier day by day. but how can i slim down? i don't have time to exercise and whenever i have time, i feel lazy to do so. haha. kidding. ang sarap sarap naman kasi kumain. arg. my mom always reminds me about my weight and physique. eto na kasi ang pinakmataba kong katawan. imagine? from 100 to 105lbs, i now weigh 120lbs? gosh. i'm starting to feel very body-conscious for the first time. ohwell, you know what they say, there is always a first time for everything. this just sucks. that's it.
those are the two major dilemmas i have. petty as it is for others, for me it's a big big big deal. God, please guide me.
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