Fading

I want to tell you I miss you but what good will it do? With the numerous times you've made me feel dispensable, I know doing so will only be pointless. 

How I wish finding answers to my "why" and "how" questions is as easy as typing keywords online and wait for Google as it loads the answer. But I can't google your mind. If I can, maybe I already raped the search button so many times.

So I guess there's nothing left for me to do but this... do nothing. Do nothing as the days go by without a word from you. Do nothing as we both get used to not talking to each other anymore. Do nothing as we move on with our lives. Do nothing as you forget about me. Do nothing as I try to forget you even though I know I can't. Do nothing as the memories of you and I fade in the shadows of what ifs and what could have beens. 

Oh f*ck, I miss you.

What a journey it has been.

Like a line from a song, what a journey it has been. Whew! But I survived! Well the pain hasn't completely gone yet but it's more manageable now. I tried to stay away from this page coz I felt like I needed to stop writing. For the first time in so many years of writing my heart out in this page, I felt like it wasn't helping me... Instead of helping me move on, it's making me victimize myself more. Now I am back coz I am better. I feel better. Not completely okay but at least, better. Still broken but better. Still bitter but a little better. 

It's already July so what's the plan? Well, I guess it's never too late to finally and seriously go through my plans. This month until next month, I plan to get my student driver's permit and enroll in a driving school. And if schedule permits it, I will try to learn how to play the guitar. Words words words. Hopefully I will be able to achieve these. 

See, I'm back to writing nonsensical stuff now. It just proves that I'm back to the new old me. 

Laters, baby.