Sunday, September 9, 2018

An excerpt

“...I know I keep overthinking and I hope one day I’ll learn to silence all these thoughts or to at least learn to live with it. And as much as I want to believe otherwise, I know I deserve all these after all the poor decisions I’ve made in the past that brought us to where we are right now. The only consolation I have is that maybe, just maybe, through my pain and suffering, you will eventually forgive me. Maybe if I suffer long enough and hard enough, I will be able to forgive myself for everything.

How I wish these words are enough to make you see the truth in my heart – that I have loved you and have not stopped loving you since the very start. Because if words are enough, then I will never stop writing about how much I want you to come back to me. I will never tire of writing how much I love you. I will never stop writing until you find your way back to me. I will never stop writing the same way that I will never stop loving you.”

Tuesday, August 28, 2018

how to fxn?

I still have few more hours to go before I go back to work but I am already constantly bombarded with questions inside my head on whether or not I can function normally later. The truth is, I have no choice. I have to work. I have to get things done in spite of my emotional state. I am expected to do what I will be told to do. I have no choice.

So tonight, I am praying for focus and clarity of mind. So help me God.

Sunday, August 26, 2018

looking forward to better days

For the first time since everything started, I feel better. My quick visit at Pink Sisters helped a lot. It was suddenly easier to let go of the things that I cannot control. I'm beginning to do it, little by little. Hopefully, the next days will be better. Hopefully, I will continue feeling better.

Oh, the magic of prayers. I am thankful.

Saturday, August 25, 2018

just about everything that matters #atm

The past days have been extremely hard for a lot of reasons and right now, I just want this all to end. I can't wait to see the light at the end of the tunnel even if it ends up blinding me. I just can't wait to finally know which direction to take after everything. Right now, all I hold on to are prayers and the emotional support I get from the few friends who I entrusted my side of the story with. Somehow, these have been enough to keep me going and to keep me sane.

Despite of it all, I am thankful for the true and new friends that I have right now. On top of everything, I am thankful that God seems to be hearing me out for real.

Expect the worst. Hope for the best.