Sunday, September 12, 2010

Kamote No More!


It's a really funny thing that I finished college without being able to watch the UAAP Cheerdance Competition live at the Araneta Coliseum. But this year, I will be kamote no more! Oh I'm so excited and I just cannot hide it. Yeyeyeaaaah!! It'll be my first time later. I do hope it's gonna be special. :D FINALLY!!


Friday, September 10, 2010

Hyperactive mind.

Most times we plague ourselves with questions that we know we cannot answer; or at least, not right away. I'd like to think that we all have this tendency to make things hard for ourselves. We complicate things. Come to think of it, had we chosen to care less about the things that bother us, we wouldn't be suffering lack of peace of mind. But because we have a mind and heart and because we know how to use it, we always choose to do otherwise. We always end up forming theories in our mind that we know we are bound to debunk. We debate with ourselves. We try to figure and unravel things out even though we know that we are most likely to fail than to succeed. We always end up recognizing the slim possibility of successfully making sense of everything; failing to recognize the fact that if there's a possibility that we will, there's a greater possibility that we won't. It's just the way it is.

Peace of mind and piece of mind do not really go along pretty well, at least for me. I suck at thinking. I always overthink things and I can't seem to get a hold of it. It's too early to feel tired but my mind already is.

Maybe I can go back to my sleep now.

Monday, September 6, 2010

GV, come to me! Keep coming!

Okay, I'm no longer emo. But I am sick and I don't know why. I don't understand why my temper is 38 when I don't even have colds or a sore throat. Anyway, that's the least of my concerns right now. I'm just feeling this day, though tiresome, I sorta feel bettter - from being highly emo to a little bit emo nalang. Hehe, ang arti lang! Tomorrow, I hope it'll be "No longer emo" :)

Good vibes, come tome. Keep coming to me! I need you! :)

Sunday, September 5, 2010

falling apart.

I woke up with the urge to re-read everything I've written here. Maybe I need a validation of how wrong I am when I wrote yesterday that I haven't learned anything for the past 24 years. I need this. I just feel so down since I don't remember when and I want this feeling to go away. I am emotionally tired. The thought of failing has never motivated or challenged me in anyway. In fact, it caused me to drown myself even more with thoughts of how I am falling apart. I am never good in turning negative things into positive thoughts. I no longer have the ability to see the brighter side of things. The fire has died out a long time ago.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

This is me, the raw me. The me that's been hiding all these years. For the first time, I don't feel scared of writing what I want. But as much as I want to write every feeling, every thought as long as this courage lasts I don't think I can do that. It's just not possible for someone like me because I know myself too well. I know perfectly that I will regret it later on if I do that.

But this, I wanna share to those who care and to those who don't. I have a lot going on in my life right now. I am so stressed with my work, my family issues, my health problem, and other personal stuff. Desperately, I am hoping that I will wake up one day and realize that all the problems have gone away. But those kind of stuff only happen in books and I am in no fairy tale. No fairy godmother to offer me wishes. No prince charming or knight in shining armor to come to my rescue. No magic carpet to take me away. This is real life where most things don't come easy.

No matter how hopeless things may seem, I still hope. No matter how broken my heart gets every time I fall, it still beats anyway. No matter how distressed I am by love, I still choose to open up my heart. No matter how down life puts me, I still choose to rise up and live every moment - good or bad. I still choose to live.

I don't understand why when I was living an almost perfect life, I longed for balance between happiness and sadness. And now that I am living the ideal normal life I suddenly feel weak and discouraged. I don't understand why it took me this long to finally recognize that I already have what I have longed for in the past years. Well, life only does what it does best. It always surprise you... never fails.

With this, I'd like to quote a character from How I Met Your Mother, "I think I forgot how it feels like to chase the real thing. I think I'm ready again."

Broken dreams are still dreams.

I am easily frustrated because I dream of a lot of romantic things. I'm no Andy Williams. I don't dream the impossible dream. I only dream of simple things. I dream about things that can happen to someone on any random day. Maybe that's what frustrates me most... that I have to dream of those little things while I see them happening to others every so often.

Oh well, maybe I don't dream and pray for it enough. I just hope that things happen for me before I get too tired of dreaming broken dreams.


Oftentimes, I feel that I do not give enough. It's either I give more or I give less but never enough. And I don't know what the heck is wrong with me. I don't understand why after 24 years I feel like I haven't learned anything. Now, I'm starting to feel scared that none of the things I want and dreamed of will ever happen for me. I'm such a waste. Something is wrong with me and I have to know what that is. I need to get away. I need change.