alone(ly)

No matter how hard I try to fight off loneliness, it somehow manages to get to me. It's prolly the holiday season or my hormones, or maybe both, that suddenly made me extra vulnerable to this kind of year-end drama.

Well, here's the thing. I am already used to dealing with and doing things alone but lately, I've been uncontrollably emotional about this. There were times when I'd rather go home late than be alone in my unit because the idea has become quite intolerable. On some nights, I would even skip dinner just because I don't feel like eating alone. I even had few crazy and overly dramatic moments where I'd torture myself with romantic movies and cry. Generally, the idea of not having someone to do things with suddenly became too much to handle.

I'll be honest. I miss having someone to take sweet and goofy selfies with during random date nights. I miss the fights, the arguments, and most especially the kiss-and-make-up part. I miss receiving love notes/letters that I would definitely reread over and over again because I am a sucker for old school romance like that. I miss the feeling of preparing gifts and surprises for special occasions like anniversary, Christmas, and Valentine's. I miss the randomness, the drama, the intimacy, and the security of knowing that someone is committed to loving the good and bad version of me.

I am missing a lot of things but above all these, I do miss waking up to the idea of being a part of someone's future plans.