Tuesday, September 23, 2008

oo, insecure ako. e ano naman?

I feel insecure, so whut? what’s the fuss? kasalanan ba ang maging insecure paminsan? if it is, to whom should i apologize? kelangan ko ba magconfess sa pari? i sure know that it’s a negative thing but i don’t think it’s a sin. i see it as a phase, at least for me. hindi naman ako habang buhay maiinsecure. ang OA naman kung ganun diba.

when one feels insecure, maraming factors yan. but the gist of it all is that you think that the person’s better than you in some ways and you cannot accept it. you don’t want it that way. since wala kang magawa na immediate action regarding that, you cope with the situation by feeling insecure. diba? also, it does not mean that you hate the person.

like me, naiinsecure ako ngayon sa isang particular na babae. aminado ako. kasi naman, she’s pretty, magaling sumayaw, and *blah — sa akin na lang ung isang reason. i don’t hate her. i don’t even despise her. akshali parang nagooverlap ung inggit and insecurity.. related sila, parang ganun. wala pa naman sigurong naaresto at nakulong on grounds of pleading guilty about insecurity no? okay. based on my experience, feeling insecure towards a person can both be a harmful and helpful thing. depende e. harmful if mag-settle ka na sa idea na s/he’s better than you. kasi nakakadepress ung ganun diba. but it’s helpful naman if it will serve as some sort of motivation to be better.

if it’s the latter, i think there’s something that we should ask to ourselves.. something that i’ve been ponderin’ about lately. tama ba na gamitin ang insecurity as a motivation to become better? kasi diba pag ganun, it’s like you’re competing with that person when the only person you should be competing with is YOURSELF. MESELF. Pero in fairness to my situation, naha-hype talaga ako to become better lalo na sa mga aspects na sa tingin ko (right now) ay lamang sha sakin. ampanget pakinggan at ang loser, i know. that’s why i’m trying to redirect things regarding this matter.

if i really want to become better, i should do it for myself. yan ang pilit kong sinasaksak sa isip ko. and not to prove that i am better than her. mas healthy kasi un diba? the only problem is, it’s difficult coz the situation itself is vague. you cannot draw the line between the two. i sometimes get confused if i’m on the right track - you know, trying not to use my insecurity as the main motivation coz oftentimes, the two situations seem to overlap.

ang hirap. so if you’ve a better idea? share niyo naman. you might actually help a lot of insecure people out there, not just me. :D

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