Wednesday, August 9, 2017

independent living

I was in college when I learned to be independent. I got in to UPLB so I had to stay at a dorm during my first year. It was where I experienced washing my own underwear for the first time since it didn't feel comfortable and safe to send to laundry service together with my other clothes. It was during then that I learned how to cook my own food - fry eggs, hotdogs, cook pancit canton, mash potatoes, and etc. It was also the first time that I had to live away from my family.

Now that I'm already working and since I've been transferred here in our main office in Ortigas, I had to live away from them again. It was easier then though coz I had other people with me. I had housemates and roommates but now, I don't. I'm living independently ALONE. Does that make any sense?

Living alone is exciting, liberating, and empowering but of course there's also a downside to it. There always is. I have my lonely nights too - nights when I wish that I am watching TV with someone or with a group of friends, someone to eat dinner with, someone who I can tell about how my day was while moving around the unit and multi-tasking at wits end, someone I can literally drag downstairs for a swim or for some air... just someone or some people who can help me feel sane. Although I also love the fact that I can have a quiet time or just do anything I want anytime without bothering and considering anyone else, I figured it's still better to not live alone.

Right now, I'm sick as f*ck and it'd be really nice to have someone around who I can ask for small favors like "Pasuyo ng water, please?" or "Can you check if may lagnat ako?" or someone who will listen to my rants about my headache and clogged nose. Huhu. It's really hard to move around while feeling dizzy and feverish. I always hafta make sure that everything I need is readily reachable coz I frigging hate it when I have to stand and move around. It actually makes me hate the fact that I am alone, literally and figuratively, It'd be helpful and great to have someone I can make lambing to, you know... Someone who will look after me not because he is obliged but because he really wants to do so. I wish someone is taking care of me especially at a time like this.

Gaaaaad... I hate it when I become clingy and needy. I need to get rid of this flu A-S-A-P! I hate the fact that I can't cling to anyone else but myself.

I hate feeling the need for a boyfriend but not actually wanting it. I'm so evil and selfish. *sigh*

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