I haven't read any book for months now.
I no longer dance.
I do not even browse YouTube anymore.
I stopped blogging.
I stopped writing notes/letters.
I stopped collecting Zebra-printed things.
I'm not as excited as I used to be anymore about Purple stuff.
I no longer collect iPhone cases.


You lose something everytime you change. And this time, I lost a lot.
I lost myself.

Have you seen it?

First Love Never Dies

Sometimes, you realize something and it breaks your heart.

Okay. I miss dancing. I still want to dance. I want to come back. But the more that I want it... the harder it is to reach. The feeling is like entering a place you know by heart only to find out that nothing there is familiar anymore. I guess I've been gone for so long. I don't know where and how to pick up. I always believed that if I really want it, I'll find a way to go back. But then, I realized that it's not always the case. Wanting something so bad doesn't mean you'll get it. Not possible especially if you're not willing to make a sacrifice. You cannot serve two masters at the same time.

I tried to find a tangent between dancing and my professional career but it is just so hard. I don't think I can meet the level of commitment that dancing is going to require from me if I ever decide to go back. And it's not like I can sacrifice my career for dancing. Reality check. I am not as good as others. There's no bright future waiting for me in dance. And I need something stable. I need a fallback.

For now, I will just keep my faith that my decisions will bring me to the right path. I am not losing hope because my love for dance will never end. No matter what happens, it will always be what it has always been to me - my first love.

Nth Comeback post

Out of boredom, I decided to read my older entries. Doing so made me realize that most of my entries really didn’t make any sense. If it isn’t about how boring my day was, it was about how things suck. I wrote a few happy entries, though. I don’t know. I miss writing with passion. I miss writing and actually making sense. What happened to me?

Back?

I lost passion and want in writing. I lost time. I lost everything I have that makes me want to write. And just because I wrote again today, it doesn't necessarily mean that I had it back, whatever it is that got lost. I don't know really. I am tired of analysing things so I'm just writing while I want to. No more over-thinking because it stresses me A LOT.

So yeah, I guess I'm back to writing (for) now.

back to writing.

i want to get back to writing so badly.
i want to get back to sharing a part of me to the whole wide world.
or to whoever cares to waste time in reading this.

i wanna get baaaaaack!

there's just too much to share.
too much to rant about.
too much to laugh about.
too much to talk about.

i miss you, blog.