Sulat kay crush

Dear Crush,

Mula dati pa, as in like mga 2008 or 2009 pa, napapansin na kita sa Multiply. Hindi ka pa ganun ka-visible sa dance community noon. Hindi ka pa ganun kagaling. Tapos ako naman member pa ako nun ng isang all-girl dance group. Since yung mga ka-group ko kaibigan yung ex mo na girlfriend mo pa that time, eventually naging magkaibigan din kami. To simply put, crush na kita talaga noon pa lang. Kaso taken ka at ako naman fresh from a 6-year relationship. Sad.

Ngayon, single nanaman ako tapos bigla nanaman kitang nakita online dahil sikat na choreographer ka na ngayon. Ayun, parang nagbalik lahat. Kilig na kilig ako pag napapanood ko yung mga sayaw mo. Kilig na kilig ako marinig yung boses mo sa IG stories. Yung tipong "Kaibigan" lang yung sinabi mo pero ang laki na ng ngiti ko. Pa-like like lang ako sa posts mo sa FB. Pinusuan ko pa nga yung profile pic mo. Pero sa dami ng reactions sa photo mo, alam kong suntok sa buwan ang isiping mapapansin mo ako. Kahit i-mention kita sa IG stories ko, di mo man lang ata napansin yung notif ng IG kaya di mo rin navuview or baka talagang ayaw mo. Nung nilabas mo sa twitter yung video mo kasama ang group nyo, shinare ko pa yun and may papansin na blurb pa na kasama yun pero waley pa rin. Kahit i-like di mo ginawa siguro kasi di mo na napapansin sa dami ng notifs na natatanggap mo sa Twitter. One time I even tried to reply sa IG story mo about your class pero ni-seen zone, wala. Sa dami ba naman kasi ng babaeng may gusto at nagbibigay ng attention sayo, pano mo nga ba naman ako mapapansin. Dadaan lang sayo ang notifs mula sa activities ko online na related sayo. Huhu.

Grabe! Nung first leg ng send off concert ng Alliance, ang lapit lapit ko lang sa pwesto nyo. Nasa taas tayo pareho and I was just three freakin' rows away. Sumisimple ako ng lingon sa pwesto nyo. Nakita ko busy ka sa cellphone mo. Siguro tinitingnan mo yung IG account ko, ano? CHAROT! Sa sobrang kilig ko, tinweet ko pa yung mga friends ko na may gusto rin sayo. Sabi ko ang lapit ko sa pwesto nyo. Abot kamay ang pangarap, ganern. OA, I know. Grabe, para akong highschool girl na may crush na upper class man. Seryoso.

Hay!! One day, magkakalakas ako ng loob na umattend sa class mo. And I'll make sure na mapapansin mo ako. Di mo man ako magustuhan, at least malaman mo na nag-eexist si acoe. Handa akong ma-friendzone kung yun lang yung way para maging parte ng buhay mo. Anuraaaaaw. Partida crush pa lang kita nyan, pano pa pag minahal kita. BOOOOOOM!

For now, makukuntento nalang muna ako sa panonood ng mga vids mo and sa pag-like ng tweets mo. Dito muna ako sa isang tabi at pupusuan ang mga FB posts mo. Pa-tweet tweet at pablog-blog about you. And sana one day, kapag nagmeet tayo, single parin tayo pareho and sana mapansin mo ang beauty ko. LOL!

(Siincerely) YOURS,
Zen

First Love Never Dies

Sometimes, you realize something and it breaks your heart.

Okay. I miss dancing. I still want to dance. I want to come back. But the more that I want it... the harder it is to reach. The feeling is like entering a place you know by heart only to find out that nothing there is familiar anymore. I guess I've been gone for so long. I don't know where and how to pick up. I always believed that if I really want it, I'll find a way to go back. But then, I realized that it's not always the case. Wanting something so bad doesn't mean you'll get it. Not possible especially if you're not willing to make a sacrifice. You cannot serve two masters at the same time.

I tried to find a tangent between dancing and my professional career but it is just so hard. I don't think I can meet the level of commitment that dancing is going to require from me if I ever decide to go back. And it's not like I can sacrifice my career for dancing. Reality check. I am not as good as others. There's no bright future waiting for me in dance. And I need something stable. I need a fallback.

For now, I will just keep my faith that my decisions will bring me to the right path. I am not losing hope because my love for dance will never end. No matter what happens, it will always be what it has always been to me - my first love.

First love NEVER dies ♥

My love for dancing, to simply put it, is undying! It started when I was in pre-school. My mom would always laugh when she talks about how "bibbo" I was. My mom was my first dance instructor. If passion for dancing is hereditary then I must say I got it from her. My dad's a good dancer too, though. His foot works are crazy. And he's really good in Cha-cha, most especially.

Going back to my younger years, I can say I've been dancing all my life. There were times though when I tried to leave dancing thinking it was necessary at the time. But dancing proved to be more that just an extra activity. It became more like my way of life. I dance what I feel and I feel what I dance. It was like that. My love for dancing has been tried and tested over the years. Now, I've finally came to a late realization that nothing and no one can ever take this away from me.

It feels so good to finally go back to dancing again after some months of absence. The feeling is beyond words to describe. I missed dancing and I missed Musiqality above all.

Dancing is love. Dancing is life.

Holy Sh*t!

These ladies are monsters! Hindi ako marunong sumayaw. Sabi na nga ba eh, putek! I just have to share this one. They really killed it! Deeeymm!

Yung sharpness and laki ng galaw ni Rino and yung locks ni Maryss, da best! Oh I just love it how these two is bringing it old school!

To relate, click on the link:

Urban Legends feat. Rino and Maryss

Definitely In Cloud 9 :)

I still can't believe that people actually loved my So Dope choreography. I honestly thought it was very amateur and that it will definitely show that it my first time. Well, I'm super duper happy that it went well. I got lots of good feedback and some helpful tips on how I can improve. It really inspired me to continue on trying. Perhaps, someday, if I work really hard, I'll be worthy of even just one collabo dance with two of the topnotch choreographers I have ever known - Erik and Louie! Yeah!

It still hasn't sunk in to me yet. At times, I'd like to think that I am just dreaming. I never thought I could pull something like this off. I was contented to just being in the background and dance whatever it is that was being taught to me. Thanks to Ja(ck)nina and Mai for pushing me and encouraging me to do it. Also, I am uber thankful to Erik for being so supportive and for encouraging me as well. Although sometimes I think he's just biased, his words really helped me A LOT! Of course, to God for giving me the patience, perseverance, and the creativity that I need to come up with the choreography. I am super happy!!

I was initially afraid that it might turn out as the greatest fiasco of all time for noobs who wants to try and be a choreographer. Fortunately, it turned out otherwise. It made my heart bloat to know that someone was actually inspired by my choreography. I am indeed in Cloud 9. I never thought I'd experience being commended for a dance that I can call MINE.

LIFE surprised me again. The only difference is, I'm loving it this time!

My choreography to So Dope by the New Boyz

BAGYONG EMONG!!!

DAMN YOU!!!
You effin' ruined my night.

It was a wrap.

Yesterday was a tiring yet super fun day. The shoot was a wrap and we all looked hot and fierce! Wooooh! We were all just laughing and taking pictures! There were, literally, flashes everywhere. We were like an "artista" for a day. Haha!

We all had to do a freestyle. Well, I'm not sure exactly how I did but I'll bet I looked stupid. So what? It was still fun. I had fun. It was like we were just bonding and not doing something serious like our portfolio, perhaps. :D

Yesterday was by far, the coolest day i've had with the girls.

WE ARE THE MUSIQALITY.
http://musiqality.multiply.com

Unprepared.

So today is 'the' day. We will push through with our photo/video shoot as planned.
I slept at 3:30am just thinking of what to wear. I need two sets of costumes,
one's hiphop and the other one should tell something about our occupation.
I'm confident about my hiphop attire. Just don't ask me about the other one.
Kung pwede lang magdala ng kuntador e! Haha!

Where are the creative juices when you actually need them?
SABAW.

PS. I dreamt I was back to school and that my team leader and her assistant are the professors!
Hmmm.. it got me thinking. What if... :)

"Pagod" is an understatement.

Training resumed today. Ja decided to take everything on a higher level... for almost an hour, all we did was stretching and conditioning. We were already very warmed up by the time Kuya Rocky arrived. At first I thought it was just one of his random visits but it turned out he was going to teach us a "Bobby-Newberry-Like-Choreo" pala for the shoot. I looked ridiculous, btw & fyi. Jusko, mas seksi pa gumalaw si Kuya Rocky kesa sakin. Anyway, it was just a couple of 8's but I really felt exhausted. Prolly coz this is something new to me... the conditioning, stretching, and the choreography. Yikes! I really have to practice, plus Kuya Rocky also gave us an assignment. Wooh, wish me luck coz i badly need it.

PS. I almost starved myself to death at work today.
Screw the internet connection at K.S.A. Boo!

SOMETHING TO DO, finally.

Was talking to Janina awhile ago about our plans on the audition. She asked me if I could be the facilitator of the event and I said yes. So now, I finally have something to do that's worth all my time. Lotsa things to take into considerations, lotsa things to do, lotsa things to plan. I'm excited to be busy.

Bum no more.
Bow.

sick again..boo!

Went to Ortigas yesterday for a check up. It has been almost 2 weeks already since I started having a fever, usually, during night time. My mom went ballistic on me coz I didn't want to go to the hospital. I really didn't think it was anything serious coz I don't feel really sick despite the fever. I feel lightheaded occasionally though. So to keep my mom calm, I went to Ortigas for a consultation.

"Twas a long, tiring day. I felt so exhausted walking under the sun from one building to another. It was like I was back in Elbi for a while only that instead of nature, you see tall buildings and people in corporate attire walking... with an umbrella! pfft.

Kung may sakit ka talaga tapos pinapunta ka dun, mabibinat ka lang. argh!

So they ran a series of tests... CBC, Urinalysis, Xray. The result was scary. Bad news is that, I am suffering an illness. Good news, it's not in any way, contagious and I am not dying or anything of the sort. THANK GOD!

The doctor said I need to have all the rest that I can get for a fast recovery. Good thing she didn't literally mention anything about toning down on physical activities. Whew!

LET'S DANCE! LET'S DANCE! LET'S DANCE! LET'S DANCE! LET'S DANCE! LET'S DANCE! LET'S DANCE! LET'S DANCE! LET'S DANCE! LET'S DANCE!

Lucky friday the 13th!

Friday the 13th nanaman kahapon. If I remember it right, 2nd na yan for 2009. But so far, I didn't encounter anything naman which will make me feel unlucky. As a matter of fact, I have felt super lucky during the two Friday the 13th. I have a fever yesterday, though. But it did not make me feel unlucky at all.

It was my second time to dance with my new crew last night. Comparing it to my debut dance with the group, I really think I did better. I felt more confident last night. I think I successfully redeemed myself from my not-so-great performance at Rockwell last, last month. And I'm so happy na finally, may video na nung dance. At least may mapapakita na ako kay Erik. Weeee!

This is a super tiring week for me and I'm sooo happy that this week's almost over. Finally, I'll get to have some rest and some time to relax and hopefully, finish my room makeover.

P.S. I'll be turning 23 next Friday.. should I celebrate that or what? Hmmm..

go ahead move if you wanna hit that.tired

I'm super tired. I still need to work on my stamina; otherwise, hindi ko kakayanin ung routine namin for the UP gig this 13th. Woooh! goodluck sa akin. Two reherarsals to go.. need to double time. I'm really tired. I think I'd sleep early tonight.. for a change.

Oha! Oha! At nakabuo ako ng isang sentence out of the songs that we're going to use. Pagod nga naman, wooh!

the votes were casted.

...and i am super satisfied with the result of our dance group's election. Now, I can leave the group with a calm spirit knowing that the group will be handled by the top most deserving members. Keep the flame burning guys. I'll miss you all big time.

whatta day it was

my january 26 was like 3 hours longer than the ordinary days. for the second time, we were invited to participate as a guest performer in UP Manila Indayog Dance Varsity's annual concert. i looked forward to it for weeks and i was really excited about it because it felt like years have passed since i last danced. of course, i was just exaggerating.. it was just months. anyway, i was also really excited for the new members of the compet team because that would be their first time to perform outside uplb as a guest. so as the days passed us by, i've been secretly having these daydream sequences where the team's having the time of our lives mingling with the other dance crews there. imagine, i was that excited. then few days before the actual day, mam jlu unintentionally ruined everything by announcing that besides sayaw manila, we will also be guesting in another event. she clearly told us that we will not be able to finish the event and that right after we dance, we would leave and go straight to the other one. frankly, i was a bit pissed off and really, really upset.

i was so upset because things didn't exactly turn out as i hoped it would, not even close... this will probably be my last time to perform in a big event with the competing team so i really wanted to make the most out of it. it may not be that big a deal for the others but for me it is. i initially succumbed to the callings of my true emotion but then i thought that if i'd continue to be upset and pissed off, i'd be wasting the small fraction of enoyment that's left for us to celebrate. so i took a deep breath and started to have fun. then i also realized that it wasn't the event that mattered, really... we won't be able to finish the event, so what? at least, we'd still able to dance and show them what we got. what's important is that wherever or in whatever event we maybe, we're all together because as cheezy as it is, i realized that being with the team is all that i need in order to have the time of my life. it's all that i needed and wanted to enjoy and celebrate for the last time.

...and God was so good that another invitation came to us, another outside campus gig. so maybe, that's my prize for being able to keep my cool inspite of everything.

God is good, all the time.
cheers.

Kudos to The Team!!

Yes, the group made it.

The team nailed the performance last night at the FUBU Street Dance Challenge. We bagged the third place. Jesus Rocks! We won a place and everybody saw and knows that the team deserves it. Some even said we deserve to be the second place. One said we can be the champion of this competition. Thanks to the respect and to the appreciation.

Third man yan, first, second, or kahit hindi nanalo, ang mahalaga nag-enjoy.

For the team, it's not all about winning ever since. We just want to show what we did with the talent He gave us. We believe that there are more important things than winning, kumbaga bonus na lang yun. We were after the experience, the fellowship, and the enjoyment. Yun lang ma-invite sa isang competition kung saan sinasabing best of the bests lang ang nabigyan ng slot ay sobrang laking panalo na for the group.

Oftentimes, gaining respect means more than winning... and to have it both, yes it's sooooper fulfilling talaga. Nevertheless, di man naka-place, it won't break the team's heart kasi nag-enjoy sila and we saw it when they performed the routine. Congratulations guys!

We're really happy talaga kasi kahit two weeks preparation lang yung Team for FUBU [kasi hindi naman na talaga gusto isali ni Mam Jlu yung team kaya lang bawal na mag-backout], naging okay pa rin yung outcome. God talaga has ways of making things happen. Much love and thanks to Him.

Dancing is our way of glorifying Him and we are very happy and thankful na nagugustuhan Niya ang mga inalay naming sayaw sa kanya.

To GOD be the Glory!
UPLB Street Jazz.... JESUS!!!!!!!!

Today's the Big Day

Grabe, bilis ng araw. Nagising na lang ako at na-realize ko na Saturday na. It sure feels weird na may comeptition pero hindi ako gumising ng maaga at wala ako sa Elbi.

Nakakapanibago yung sa araw ng competition, ang laman ng text ko sa mga tao ay "Guys good luck... Kaya NIYO yan." blah blah blah. Nobody even bothered to reply sa mga text na yun, busy kasi siguro. Then I asked myself, "Ganun din kaya yung pakiramdam nung ibang nagtetext na hindi na namin narereplyan sa mismong araw ng competition?"

Today's surely a big day sa group kasi FUBU Street Dance Challenge is one of the biggest competitions of the group. Aside from the fact that it's invitational, only the ten best collegiate dance crews were encouraged to join and guess what, [kahit obvious naman] we were one of the chosen few. Mas mabigat pa siya sa Skechers Street Dance Battle kasi best of the bests talaga agad yung labanan. Tipong one blow lang.

Today's also a big day for me. My being an alumna of the group begins in this competition. This is just the start so I guess I have to get used to it a-s-a-p. I also think it's normal for me to feel really weird and somewhat envious of them for the experience kasi fresh pa yung nangyari. Iba kasi yung kasama ka dun sa bumubuo ng team na kinilalang one of the bests tapos you get to represent the university sa isang mabigat na competition like FUBU. Nevertheless, I am really, really happy and excited for the team.

Naisip ko rin, okay na rin naman. Kahit di ako kasama sa lineup mamaya, I know I contributed a lot to bring the team to where it is right now kasi isa naman ako sa mga nagcocompete before this one. Plus, ang basis naman ng FUBU for choosing the ten best competitors ay yung past perfromances ng Team, which I was a part of. So okay na rin. Masaya na akong nakatulong sa grupo. Siguro, niloob na rin ni God na mangyari ito kasi baka time na para i-let go ko ang pagcocompete and be prepared for the bigger things in life. Bigger in the sense na mas magrerequire ng responsibility.

Anyway, I saw the team practice once or twice last week and I must really say that the routine got better and really, really stronger. I am pretty confident that they'll place in this competition. Ang galing talaga nila eh. *GOOSEBUMPS

Oh well, ngayon pa lang, winner na yung team for me. :)