an encounter with an ex

Few minutes ago, an ex of mine, who also happens to be one of my kabarkadas, IM'd me in ym. He just said hi and we talked for like ten minutes and then said our goodnights-slash-goodmornings. To be honest, I was kinda shock that he IM'd me. Para kasi yung nakaka-loko, pasumpong-sumpong. Minsan bigla ang friendly and minsan naman parang umiiwas. And kanina, he was friendly. Hmmm.. Actually, I already knew that he's also online, I just didn't feel like talking to anyone kaya I ignored whoever was online on my ym list. And like I said, sala sa init-sala sa lamig kasi un kaya I really didn't take the initiative to start a conversation.

I just don't get it why he's like that. It just feels awkward coz I really feel na there really are times na iniiwasan niya ako. Haller. Ang tagal na since we broke up pero up to now may ganitong awkward moments parin lalo na pag magkasama kami sa lakad ng barkada. Nakadalawang gf na nga siya after me eh. Haller (again). He was the one who left me way, way back tapos siya pa yung parang nagiging aloof? Pambihira. It's getting kinda funny actually kasi ang weird diba? Pero I know na factor yung gf niya kasi selosa lalo na sa mga ex ni ex ko. Alam ko kasi ex's gf texted me dati and befriended me. Ex's gf was honest enough to tell me that she still feels jealous towards me. So I explained why she should not feel that way at all. At mukhang naging okay naman na after that kasi naging textmates pa kami ni ex's gf.

That's why I get weirded up by ex's actions and treatment to me. Weird for me kasi ako as in, super okay lang. No uneasiness at all when he's around kasi wala na sakin un. Not that I'm saying na may something pa rin siya kaya siya umiiwas and stuff... hindi ganun. What I'm trying to point out is ang tagal na nun kaya hindi na un issue pa dapat lalo na with our respective relationships kasi super tagal na nun, my gaaad. He's my friend and having a bitter past doesn't mean we can never go back to being really friends, at least for me.

Weird.

Broken hearts still beat.

This is an excerpt to one of my oldest journal entries. It was originally dated June 25, 2004. I wrote it around 3:02 in the morning.

I've been through the greatest heartache because someone in my past gave it to me. On the contrary, I want to thank him for that because it made me certain that I can give the kind of love, which can be called TRUE and SACRIFICIAL. Though I was hurt, I knew deep within that it was one of the best times of my life because during that point, I was certain that I know what love is and that I know how to love... and believe me, there is no greater thing than knowing and learning the raw facts of life. Yes, it was painful but it made me a better and a much stronger person. i learned about love the hard way but that doesn't matter because love entails being hurt and being hurt means that you are loving. And that is a good sign.

There you have it.

I'm sober.

I won't let bitterness and sadness eat what's left of me and my heart. It's time to get up and dust myself.

If there's one thing I've learned in this life. It's this: I should be strong especially when people expects me to be weak. There is someone or some people out there who would kill just to see me break and fall. Guess what, I'm not about to let them win. So whoever they are, if they really exist for me, their quest is doomed to fail.

The game is ON.