An excerpt

“...I know I keep overthinking and I hope one day I’ll learn to silence all these thoughts or to at least learn to live with it. And as much as I want to believe otherwise, I know I deserve all these after all the poor decisions I’ve made in the past that brought us to where we are right now. The only consolation I have is that maybe, just maybe, through my pain and suffering, you will eventually forgive me. Maybe if I suffer long enough and hard enough, I will be able to forgive myself for everything.

How I wish these words are enough to make you see the truth in my heart – that I have loved you and have not stopped loving you since the very start. Because if words are enough, then I will never stop writing about how much I want you to come back to me. I will never tire of writing how much I love you. I will never stop writing until you find your way back to me. I will never stop writing the same way that I will never stop loving you.”

Happy birthday, Mommy!

Here's something I wrote for my mom for her birthday last April 17.

She doesn't look like she's 56 but she is. 

We all think and believe that our mom is the best mom there is because it'll be worse than a crime to say and believe otherwise, right? It's also what the law of God dictates. The fourth commandment clearly says, "Honor thy father and thy mother." Besides, she is the only mother I got which practically doesn't give me any choice. It's not like I grew up under someone else's guidance.

HOWEVER, that isn't really the case. I will tell you my mom is the best because that's a fact. That's THE fact. She really is. I can live one life after the other and if given the chance to choose who I want for a mom, I will choose her over and over and over and over again. Sounds like a cliche but again, that's a fact. That's THE fact. Being a mother, as I've witnessed, is a "tiresome-no-joke-I-want-a-break-but-who-am-I-kidding" kind of job and that is why everyday as I watch my mom do her thing, I still feel amazed with how great she is in being one. Her greatness honestly makes me doubt myself if I can be as great or a better one someday. She set the bar so high that reaching it seems next to impossible.

See, I can rave all day and bombard you all with reasons why I can confidently claim that I have the best mom but Mother's Day isn't until next month so I gotta save some for that. Actually, all I really want is to just greet her because it's her birthday today. Yes, it's her birthday hence it is only fitting to shower her with loving words and compliments that are based on facts of course, isn't it? *wink*

To my beautiful mom, happy, happy birthday! You're another year wiser and stronger and you should be proud, Mama. You've endured a lot. You may not be able to do most of the things that you want to do for yourself because you keep doing things for us and because we take a lot of your time and I admit we are oftentimes a pain in the *ss but please know that you are always appreciated and that none of your efforts and sacrifices ever goes unnoticed. We love you so much, Mama. Thank you for everything. Ikaw yung birthday celebrator but it was us, since the day you married dad, that was given the greatest gift - YOU!

Again, happy birthday and I hope you had a great time today because you deserve nothing but the best of everything. Love you so much and I'll see you soon!

                                                                                       ###

I love my mother so much and I can't imagine not needing her in this lifetime ever. My mom deserves more than well-stitched loving words and I may not be the perfect daughter but I am trying my best to make her feel loved every chance I get. My mom is the best. She really is. 

Kiss kiss kiss mo (sa pader)

She tries to kiss you.
And you pull away.

Our 2nd October 21st :)

with Bebe Love <3

…because the first one was when we became each other’s better half 

Off to Bohol to celebrate 12 months of lovin’. This was taken a few minutes ago at Manila Domestic Airport while waiting for our flight. We re so happy in lalalalalove!

Ay Em Paking PAGOD =(

1) Of nursing all these "why" questions.

2) Of hoping that things will get better.

3) Of feeling inferior.

4) Of understanding things that I don't really know.

5) Of feeling fat and unpretty.

6) Of feeling that I'm never good enough to get what I want.

7) Of hearing pleas and excuses of why things are the way they are.

8) Of feeling like I am non-existent.

9) Of waiting for nothing.

10) Of being stubborn.

I really need to be slapped in the face. True friends, where you at?

Slap me, please. Slap me f*cking hard.

Six months and counting ♥

Mitch and I celebrated our sixth monthsary in advance because the 21st would fall on Holy Week. We spent the day together and since we agreed to do something different on special occasions like our monthsary, we tried the Manila Bay Cruise at Mall of Asia. We took the Sunset cruise schedule (5pm-7pm) so we could watch the sunset together and watch the fireworks while cruising in the bay. It was a nice experience. The scenery wasn't outstanding, though. And the food offered in the cruise wasn't really that great. However, it was such a romantic experience to watch the sea turn orange as the sun exits the horizon.

Aside from the Manila Bay Cruise, we also tried Banchetto for the second time. We ate breakfast there. It took us about half an hour to decide on what to eat and on what stall to buy it from. Food was amazing!! We were really stuffed. After at bacnhetto, we went straight to MOA to catch a movie. We watched Big Mommas II and it was friggin' hilarious! After the movie, we strolled around then ate lunch at Kitaro where we spent half of the time laughing and camwhoring. Since the cruise isn't until 5pm, we killed time at Timezone where we, for the nth time, tried to take home a stuffed toy from one of the machines. Every attempt was an epic failure but we still had a great time. Then by 4:40, we left Timezone and went to the port of Prestige Cruise, Inc. The cruise was pretty much the highlight of our celebration.

Now, we're done with six and so ready for our seventh month. We can't wait for our next celebration. We'd be on Boracay! Yeaaaah! Fast forward to May 21, please!!

Inlababong Bogart: Post #1

He's all that matters. He can either break or make my day. Only he can do that. I'm just so in love and i can no longer explain why. Prolly because this time it's really real. He's that someone.*crossfingers*

Somebody in love with someone.

Somewhere along the road, you'll meet someone who will change your life. A person who will not change you but instead, will bring out a part of you that you never knew existed. And you'll love and hate the person that you are when you're with him - so patient, always understanding, always giving, never doubting, just loving. It's always his feelings before yours. Always him before you. Always. He has that great power over you all because you love him. And when you finally realize how much you have abused yourself, "Too Much Love Will Kill You" will play on the radio for the added coincidental drama. But you just laugh it off. C'mon, you love the person and if that's the case then you're ready to die anytime; afterwhich, you will still feel like you're on Cloud 9... Because this is what he do to you. He drives you crazy. He makes you fall endlessly.

He will hurt you in many different ways but will always stay loyal, faithful, and in love with you. He will upset you today then make you happy tomorrow; Disappoints you on the day after and will make you laugh the next day. He will give you a dose of frustrations at its most bitter taste every now and then but you'll still love him anyway. No matter what he do or how he disappoints you, you never see any reason to give up loving him.

He doesn't seem to know how much you love him no matter what you do or no matter what kind of surprise you come up with. That's just the way it is. That's just not possible because your words and actions combined will still not suffice the way you feel about this person.

You always want to see this person and be with him. But as much as you want to see him everyday, instances will not allow it and later on you realize that is a good thing. It somehow gives you time for yourself, or time with other things and other people. It provides you room to miss each other. You get to feel that strong urge of wanting and needing to see him... to be with him... with silent hopes that he feels the same. With him, there's always something to look forward to. You'll never know what to expect.

He is that someone you always think of in anything and everything you do. He makes the good things all the more joyful and makes the bad things easy to bear. He is that someone you want to talk to after a long day at work because just hearing his voice is enough to keep you energized. He is the first person you think of when something good comes up. And when you see an upcoming movie that interests you, you'd want to see it with him. When you feel the need or just simply want to go somewhere, he's the first person you want to travel with. Needless to say, you just want this person to be a part of everything you do.

When asked to spell love, you would spell out his name because to simply put it, he is your everything. He is your love. He is your pain. He is your happiness. He is your frustration. Every good thing about you is him. You love him and you just keep on falling and you will never hit the ground.

Love, Technology, and Everything in Between

Okay, I am surprised by two things. One, that Ashton can write this good. Two, what he wrote actually made sense. Well, I am an instant fan.

****************************************

I was shooting a scene in my new film, No Strings Attached, in which I say to Natalie Portman,

“If you miss me, you can’t text, you can’t email, you can’t post it on my Facebook wall. If you really miss me, you come and see me.”

I began to think of all of the billions of intimate exchanges sent daily via fingers and screens, bouncing between satellites and servers. With all this texting, emailing, and social networking, I started wondering, are we all becoming so in touch with one another that we are in danger of losing touch?

It used to be that boy met girl and they exchanged phone numbers. Anticipation built. They imagined the entire relationship before a call ever happened. The phone rang. Hearts pounded. “Hello?” Followed by a conversation that lasted two hours but felt like two minutes and would be examined with friends for two weeks. If all went well, a date was arranged. That was then.

Now we exchange numbers but text instead of calling because it mitigates the risks of early failure and eliminates those deafening moments of silence. Now anticipation builds. Bdoop. “It was NICE meeting u.” Both sides overanalyze every word. We talk to a friend, an impromptu Cyrano: “He wrote nice in all caps. What does that mean? What do I write back?” Then we write a response and delete it 10 times before sending a message that will appear 2 care, but not 2 much. If all goes well, a date will be arranged.

Whether you like it or not, the digital age has produced a new format for modern romance, and natural selection may be favoring the quick-thumbed quip peddler over the confident, ice-breaking alpha male. Or maybe we are hiding behind the cloak of digital text and spell-check to present superior versions of ourselves while using these less intimate forms of communication to accelerate the courting process. So what’s it really good for?

There is some argument about who actually invented text messaging, but I think it’s safe to say it was a man. Multiple studies have shown that the average man uses about half as many words per day as women, thus text messaging. It eliminates hellos and goodbyes and cuts right to the chase. Now, if that’s not male behavior, I don’t know what is. It’s also great for passing notes. there is something fun about sharing secrets with your date while in the company of others. Think of texting as a modern whisper in your lover’s ear.

Sending sweet nothings on Twitter or Facebook is also fun. In some ways, it’s no different than sending flowers to the office: You are declaring your love for everyone to see. Who doesn’t like to be publicly adored. Just remember that what you post is out there and there’s some stuff you can’t un-see.

But the reality is that we communicate with every part of our being, and there are times when we must use it all. When someone needs us, he or she needs all of us. There’s no text that can replace a loving touch when someone we love is hurting.

We haven’t lost romance in the digital age, but we may be neglecting it. In doing so, antiquated art forms are taking on new importance. The power of a hand-written letter is greater than ever. It’s personal and deliberate means more than an email or text ever will. It has a unique scent. It requires deciphering. But, most important, it’s flawed. There are errors in handwriting, punctuation, grammar, and spelling that show our vulnerability. And vulnerability is the essence of romance. It’s the art of being uncalculated, the willingness to look foolish, the courage to say, “This is me, and I’m interested in you enough to show you my flaws with the hope that you may embrace me for all that I am but, more importantly, all that I am not.”

- Ashton Kutcher

A Walk To Remember

This is Love.

Landon: I might kiss you.

Jamie: I might be bad at it.

Landon: That's not possible.

***

I miss this movie. I love the story. But I love the novel more.

Nicholas Sparks is a genius in love.

Boys Talk

Had a great serious talk with Stephen awhile ago. Was able to tell him almost everything that's been going on my mind lately and sobrang I feel a lot better now. Thanks to him for being all ears on me. Sabagay, malaki kasi tenga, haha! Kidding aside, I am super thankful I have friends like Stephen and the rest of my Meralco barkada. Love you, TOS!

Sleep, c'mon now. Let's go.

117.

It's Mitch's birthday today. Naka-birthday leave sha but since wala naman kami napagusapan na plan to celebrate together, hindi kami nagkita. I sent him a huge birthday card via LBC. Na-receive nya nung umaga. Natuwa naman sha at na-suprise, sabi nya. So Yey for that! :)


I was kinda upset that I didn't see him today, lalo na at may special occasion. But family should always come first, of course. So naiintindihan ko naman. May sort of panghihinayang lang, you know.


Change topic.

I was swamped with work in the office today. Tambak yung due ko for feedback letters, homaygad talaga. I even had to work during my lunch break just to make sure I'll finsih everything before five o'clock dahil hindi na kami allowed na mag-overtime, which sucks a lot! pffft.


Oh life! Kelan kaya ako matututo? Stubborn me. Parang may dyslexia lang ako when it comes to life. Hate it!

Yesterday is Love.

• Mitch and I met at Trinoma.

• We drove off to Il Terrazo at Tomas Morato.

• We ate (A LOT) at Carlo's Pizza.

• We had a funny "Gamit mo, linis mo... Pagkain mo, luto mo." coversation.

• Drove off to my lola's sister's wake at La Funeraria Paz, La Loma.

• He met almost everyone.

P.S. 2011, so far, you're so good! ♥

First 21.

How we spent the day? Nothing really special except that we played lotto. Harhar! And our "aalilain-mo-lang-ako-pag -nagkatuluyan-tayo-conversation" was just the funniest. We also watched Unstoppable, which by the way is a super cool movie!! Breathtaking. And the best part of the day... we heard mass together. It was just the first and we both pray to have more to come. We are just so happy in love.

P.S. Anj delos Santos and Gracie Manuel, if you two ever happen to read this, THANK YOU for helping me set up the surprise. It worked in a major majora waaaaay! :)

October is out. November is in.

I wasn't able to write much about how October was a blast for me. So much has happened... Too many interesting stories too tell but to tell a few, I'll share two of my most favorite happenings :D


LOW-LIFE POSER. Someone created an FB account using my name and my picture and added some of my Meralco friends. Most of the people my poser added were branch heads and team leaders. At first, I wasn't sure why the account was created though of course my first assumption was primarily to ruin me. I was just able to confirm it when my low-life poser commented on one of my friends' status. "Then go to hell"... That's what the poser wrote. Dumb ass!

To discover who my low-life-desperate-insecure-much-brainless-unicellular poser, was the least of my concerns but figuring out who SHE was was so elementary. I don't know if my poser was just trying to frame up someone. Well, it's either that or SHE was just too dumb to think that I wouldn't find out who SHE is. She's lucky that I didn't even bother to report her to our HR department.

I found out about the account through Jaic. She texted me asking why I created another account in FB. Thanks to her she took the initiative of sending personal messages to those who accepted my poser's invite. In fairness, the poser made me worry. I was feeling so helpless because my internet connection was f*cked up at the time. But like what the old folks say, "the good guys always win". BWAHAHAHAHA in your face!

The poser took the initiative of cleaning up HER mess. YEEEEY! Well, I wanna give her an A for the effort in creating an FB account and for adding an estimate of 50 people from Meralco; and A+ for the effort in creating an email for the bogus account. Matyaga si ate. Big deal ako sa buhay nya, HAVEY!

And for my poser, isa lang ang masasabi ko... "WALANG GAMOT SA INSECURITY TEH, SORRY HA." Imitation, indeed, is the best form of flattery.

***********

OCTOBER 21. I turned another page in my life and decided that now is the right time to start writing another story about love. I just feel so alive and happy and blessed. Life is beautiful... It still is, after all. I am in love and I wanna take this chance to try to see how far this will go. I love you, Michelle Anthony Sabalo Pineda! I am hopeful.

________________
P.S. About the Baranggay elections, I still voted. Harhar!

This is me, the raw me. The me that's been hiding all these years. For the first time, I don't feel scared of writing what I want. But as much as I want to write every feeling, every thought as long as this courage lasts I don't think I can do that. It's just not possible for someone like me because I know myself too well. I know perfectly that I will regret it later on if I do that.

But this, I wanna share to those who care and to those who don't. I have a lot going on in my life right now. I am so stressed with my work, my family issues, my health problem, and other personal stuff. Desperately, I am hoping that I will wake up one day and realize that all the problems have gone away. But those kind of stuff only happen in books and I am in no fairy tale. No fairy godmother to offer me wishes. No prince charming or knight in shining armor to come to my rescue. No magic carpet to take me away. This is real life where most things don't come easy.

No matter how hopeless things may seem, I still hope. No matter how broken my heart gets every time I fall, it still beats anyway. No matter how distressed I am by love, I still choose to open up my heart. No matter how down life puts me, I still choose to rise up and live every moment - good or bad. I still choose to live.

I don't understand why when I was living an almost perfect life, I longed for balance between happiness and sadness. And now that I am living the ideal normal life I suddenly feel weak and discouraged. I don't understand why it took me this long to finally recognize that I already have what I have longed for in the past years. Well, life only does what it does best. It always surprise you... never fails.

With this, I'd like to quote a character from How I Met Your Mother, "I think I forgot how it feels like to chase the real thing. I think I'm ready again."

Broken dreams are still dreams.

I am easily frustrated because I dream of a lot of romantic things. I'm no Andy Williams. I don't dream the impossible dream. I only dream of simple things. I dream about things that can happen to someone on any random day. Maybe that's what frustrates me most... that I have to dream of those little things while I see them happening to others every so often.

Oh well, maybe I don't dream and pray for it enough. I just hope that things happen for me before I get too tired of dreaming broken dreams.

Excerpt: A Bend in the Road

"Miles found himself thinking about Sarah Andrews once more.

He was attracted to her, that much was certain. He hadn't reacted that strongly to a woman in what seemed like forever...

...But this attraction for Sarah felt. . . new, and it made him feel new as well, as if anything were possible. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed that feeling.

But where would it go from here? That was the part he still wasn't sure about. He couldn't predict what, if anything, would happen with Sarah. He didn't know anything about her; in the end, they might not be compatible at all. There were a thousand things that could doom a relationship, and he wasn't blind to them.

Still, he'd been attracted to her.

Miles shook his head, forcing the thought away. No reason to dwell on it, except for the reason that the attraction had once again reminded him that he wanted to start over."

Kinikilig si Sangs.

Someone wrote what he feels in my hand. He traced and spelled the words carefully. It was inkless but it left a mark not in my hand, but in my heart. Haha. In short, kinilig ako. That's all I've meant to say. It really felt good and he is evidently getting good at this.

I am smiling. :)

New-old me.

There were times when I asked why there are relationships that grow cold. I thought figuring out where it went wrong would give me the answers I'm looking for but at the end of my attempts, I am back to where I started - still asking myself. Perhaps, no one can really question love because it's supposed to be felt, not to be figured out.

I just came out of a six-year relationship and the moment it was over, I thought life had already lost its meaning. I didn't know where to pick up from. I didn't know how to start over again. I thought I was faced with an impossible task of forgetting. I thought forgetting him will be the key to my salvation. However, all my efforts to forget him has just doubled the pain. The more that I forced myself into forgetting, the more intense the pain became. So I let myself move in my pace. Then, I started collecting myself, one step at a time. I lived every today and every tomorrow as it came. I started to make plans for myself. I made a list and lost it. But the point here is that I was able to make that first step. I realized and learned so many things. I realized that I can never take him off my heart just like the ones before him. They will forever be a part of me. They are a part of who I am. They were all like an added pillar that strengthened me as a person. I'd like to think they made me stronger and better.

Sometimes you really need to step back to see things in a clearer perspective and that's what I did. Thus, no more victimizing myself. No more why-questions. No more tears. No more hoping. No more pain. I realized that not all good things last. Note that this isn't pessimism. This is reality and this is as real as it can get. This is life.

I have no regrets about what happened. I am just thankful that once in my life the feeling lived in my heart and made me happy. Thank you.