dear zen

This is prolly a stupid idea... not just the fact that I wrote "dear zen" as a title but more so because I'm going to lecture you here. Here for the world to see, for your readers to read, not that there's any. Anyway, you're up for some online belting. Brace yourself.

Don't be stupid, zen. You're taught to be smart. You are smart. And smart people make smart decisions, smart choices. You graduated from a great university hence the least I expect from you is to be anything but stupid. But you are being stupid right now. Not just in love but with everything. Look at you, you're such a mess. You have to get your act together and quit delaying your plans. Get that COE you need for your Canada trip. Talk to your team leader about the transfer you're planning to make. Book that vacation you've been wanting to go to.  Send that email you've been meaning to send. You have all the time you need right now. Make things happen. You no longer have any excuses. 

Also, you have to learn to quit thinking of other's feelings before your own. That's prolly what has been wrong with you all these time. Maybe that's why people make you wait. Maybe that's why they don't treat you as someone who's so important. Maybe that's why they're not afraid to lose you. Maybe that's why you don't get treated that way you always wanted. Because you always make yourself available for them. You're always willing to wait. Always willing to give way for others. Always willing to put yourself last. Always trying to understand. Always with the shorter end of the stick. Always putting yourself on the losing end. Wake up, darling. You get treated the way you let people treat you. So if you allow them to leave you sitting on a corner of their life waiting for when they need and want you again, good luck with that. YOU ARE NOT A DOCTOR ON-CALL.

Value yourself so you'll be of value to others. Don't make them feel too comfortable around you. Don't make them feel like you're always going to be there for them. Sometimes changing the way you want to be seen by others really involves a little tweaking on your natural self. Not that there's something wrong with you being real and honest but you have to protect yourself. Protect your heart. Then maybe, just maybe, you may end up getting all that you deserve.