this is it!

I looked at myself in the mirror this morning, naked. And I wasn't really happy with what I saw. I saw someone who needs to be reconstructed. I feel like I've lost control over myself. Worse, I feel like napabayaan ko ng sobra ang sarili ko. I ate too much. I was bummed out. And now, I feel so unpretty inside and out.

So now, Imma start losing weight by following a strict diet. And who knows, if I become successful in this one, this maybe a good start for my reconstruction. And hopefully, by the end of June, I'll be back to my old physique and be a better person.

Tell Me How I'm Supposed To Breath with NO AIR?

I just found this song in my anak-anakan's friendster page and the moment I heard it, I fell in love with it. The title is No Air by Jordan Sparks feat. Chris Brown. It doesn't matter whether or not I can relate to the message of this song... I JUST LOVE IT.

Tell me how I'm suppose to breathe with no air
[oohhhh]
(Verse 1)
[ Jordin S.]
If i should die
before I wake
Its cause you took my breath away
losing you is like living in a world
with no air
Ohhh...
[ Chris B.]
Im here alone
didnt want to leave
My heart won't move, its incomplete
wish there was a way
that i can make you to understand

(Pre-Chorus)
But How [how]
Do you expect me [me]
To live alone with just me [me]
Cause my world revolves around you
its so hard for me to breathe

(Chorus)
Tell Me How im supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live can't breathe with no air
thats how i feel whenever you ain't there
Its No Air No Air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gon be without me
if you ain't here i just can't breathe
Its No Air No Air

No air air (ohhhh)
No air air (noooo)
No air air (ohhhh)
No air air

( Verse 2 )
[ Chris B.]
I Walked, I Ran
I Jumped, I Flew
Right off the ground to float to you
Theres no gravity to hold me down
For real

[Jordin S.]
But Somehow, Im still alive inside
You took my breath But i survived
I don't know how But i don't even care

(Pre-Chorus)
So How (How)
Do you expect me (Me)

To live alone with just me (Ohh)
Cause my world revolves around you
its so hard for me to breathe

( Chorus)
Tell Me How im supposed to breathe with no air (ohhhh) [ohhh]
Can't live can't breathe with no air (ohhh) [ohhh]
thats how i feel whenever you ain't there
Its No Air No Air
Got me out here and the water so deep (So deep)
Tell me how you gon be without me (Without Me Yeahhh)
if you ain't here i just can't breathe
[nooo airr]
Its No Air No Air

No air air (ohhhh)
No air air (ohhhh)
No air air (ohhhh)
No air air (No More)

uhh uhh uhh
[baby]
No Air (ohhh)
uhh uhh uhh (Baby)
No Air (ohhh)
uhh uhh uhh
No Air

Its No Air No Air
Heyyy..
Oooooo..
No Aiiiiiir
Oooooo..

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
(Chorus)
Tell Me How im supposed to breathe with no air (ohhhh) [no air]
Can't live can't breathe with no air
thats how i feel whenever you ain't there [no breathing] [no breathing at all]
Its No Air No Air
Got me out here and the water so deep (So deep)
Tell me how you gon be without me (Without Me Yeahhh) [cant breathe without ya baby]
if you ain't here i just can't breathe
Its No Air No Air


Do you expect me
To live alone with just me
Cause my world revolves around you
[babyyyy]
its so hard for me to breathe


(Chorus)
Tell Me How im supposed to breathe with no air (ohhhh)
Can't live can't breathe with no air
thats how i feel whenever you ain't there [not there]
Its No Air No Air
[ Jordin S.]
Got me out here and the water so deep
[ Chris B.]
Tell me how you gon be without me
[ Jordin S.]
if you ain't here i just can't breathe
[Both]
Its No Air No Air

No air air (ohh)
No air air (ohh)
No air air (No air)

Jordan Sparks feat. Chris Brown - No Air

what's for tomorrow?

okay... it's weird alright. bigla bigla ko lang naisip at bigla lang akong nagkaron ng urge na gawin ang bagay na yun. kaya naman, bukas na bukas, after ko pumunta sa dentist, imma buy a copy of gossip girls. haha, oo, bigla akong nagkaron ng urge na mag-marathon nun. napaka-downer ko na kasi ngayong summer diba... at least kahit sa usong mga dvds man lang maging updated ako. lols. actually, minamarathon ko rin yung queer as folk ngayon pero wala lang. if there's anything i'm good at, it's multi-tasking. so kering keri lang.

my plan for tomorrow? magpaka-bum lang. ang galing no? ohwell... anyway, sasamantalahin ko na talaga habang hindi pa ako nagsstart sa work ko. my bum days will soon be over kaya dapat sulitin to the max!! haha!

my day wasn't a bore (at all) kaya lang nakakatamad magkwento so i guess my may 18 ends here.

four days.

A lot has happened in four days...

First up, I had my brace removed already. But in weeks time, Imma have it put back because according to my new dentist, we need to repeat the orthodontic treatment that my old dentist did. Hay, panibagong gastos nanaman. But at least now, I have an assurance that something will happen at hindi yung parang pupunta lang ako para magpapalit ng goma ng brace. eeerr!

Second up, I've finally began (again, for the nth time) reconstructing myself. But this time, it has to be effective! It really should be after all the things that happened because of this. I feel crappy and depressed right now but if this is what it takes to fall in love with myself again, then so be it.

"People think that losing the one you love is the most painful thing. But the truth is, it's when you lose yourself in the process of loving someone too much."

Third up, I'm more than halfway done in processing all the requirements I need for Meralco. I already have a cedula, barangay clearance, police clearance, NBI clearance, and an SS number. Hopefully, by the month of June I'll start working. In the meantime, I think I just have to enjoy my bum days while it's here coz it will soon be gone.

Fourth, tomorrow, me and my relatives will go to Bataan for the late celebration of Mom's Day. Woot! My first ever decent and appropriate activity for this summer. Hahaha! Ohwell, Imma make the hell out of it. And what excites me the most is that Erik's gonna come. Maybe we'll be able to spend some quality time there and talk about things. :)

Fifth, I'm such a loser. I still haven't seen the Iron Man. I didn't have the luxury of time when I have the money and now that I have all the time in the world, no more money. Life is bitchy. Lols.

i know i'll make it through this. i am strong and i am tough. i don't easily give up.

you know, i'll die for your love.

thank GOD

i kinda knew it. it always go that way. when a part of my life is already okay, another part would start getting crappy.

the past days, i was really happy because i finally landed a job on my top most prioritized company but last night, the tables started to turn (once again). my brother met an accident. he was bumped by a car while he was waiting for a jeepney. good thing the driver did not attempt to leave him. he was brought to the hospital and was taken cared of. thank God he doesn't have any serious injury. he stayed in the hospital for a series of observations, tests, x-rays and etc. the findings were normal. so we were able to go home already.

i don't know. i still can't get over the fact that he met an accident... that for that moment, his life was somewhat in danger. thank God nothing worse has happened to him.

"people leave you when you need them the most."

oh happy day!

Yeah. This day rocked.

If you have read my previous entry, I mentioned there that I was feeling really positive about my application at Meralco. And yes, I was right. I did get in. I'll be assigned at Valenzuela Branch, which is a really, really good thing coz that would mean lower transportation cost for me.

Thank God that I got in. My uncle told me that the panel interview was just a formality, that whoever qualifies for the panel interview already has a sure slot in the company. But sad to say, two of my schoolmates didn't get in. I feel sad for them. And of course, really happy for me. Life's beautiful, after all.

And tonight, imma celebrate this victory with my barkada. Though medyo may tampo ako sa isa sa kanila, keri lang. This is still a happy day.

I ♥ today! Kasama na ako sa labor force ng Pilipinas... soon!

Hearting today ♥

I don't wanna get too excited yet but I can't help it. I had my panel interview at Meralco and I think (and hope) that the result will be good. I mean, that I'll get in. It was a loooong day but I kind of feel like every thing was worth all my efforts. I really feel positive about it especially when one of the panelists mentioned "Anyway, we're going to hire you.." Waaaah! I really hope they would. It's too early to say but in the meantime, imma keep my fingers crossed.

Change topic. Had my hair cut today. About three inches was cut off but I still think that it's still kinda long. Ang init pa naman. So I'm planning to go have my hair cut again, maybe next week.

Anyway, before I went home, I dropped by at Gene's together with Tina and Cho. We were just four yet we had fun. I helped Cho write a cover letter for his resume... yeah, "helped" though I wrote the whole thing while he was busy texting his ex-girlfriend. That kinky guy, hahaha. We ate lotsa yummie empanadas and consumed two pitchers of juice. What can I say, we were "a bit" hungry. We're planning to have an overnight at Balia's tomorrow to celebrate something that I don't want to mention here yet. It's gonna be fun, I know. It always is.

I love this day. Everything went well eh and most importantly, today wasn't boring at all. Though there were moments of "little" sadness here and there, I managed to survive. Hahaha!! I wish tomorrow will be a nicer day or at least, be like today.

My mind's so tired already. I need a rest, a gooood looong rest.

I have an appointment tomorrow at Meralco. It will be my final interview. Wish me luck.


I can't write anything decent. I just feel so exhausted. I need a rest.

and because i feel so drowned in mixed emotions already. i am tempted to smoke my very first cigarette stick. is there any other way to wash this off? i can't stay calm. i am soooo confused.

why do some people have to be insensitive and dishonest?

so how do we know if something is right or wrong? should we base it on norms? or do we just have to trust our own judgment? or how we feel about it?

how do we say that something is stupid? is it based on a social criteria? or do we just say that something is stupid because we think of it as such?

..and how do we deal with all these when it all get mixed up?

=c

Today is not a happy day.

hopeful.

Nakaka-stress na nakaka-excite na nakakapagod (..at nakaka-nosebleed) mag-job hunting. Right after ng job fair lagi na akong naka-abang sa mga tawag ng companies. Oo, assuming ako na tatawagan nila ako. Haha. In fairness naman sa pagfifeeling ko, tumawag naman talaga sila.

Imagine, in a span of two weeks, bigla experienced na ako sa mga interviews at bugbog na ako sa exams. For example kanina, I went to Meralco for an interview and additional screenings "daw". Wala akong idea sa kung anu-ano ung additional screenings na tinutukoy nung nagtext sa akin. Pero pagpunta ko dun, ito ang nangyari:

I arrived at 8am kasi un ang schedule ko. Pinasagutan kami ng 2 essay questions then right after that, kinuha ung height and weight ko then derecho na sa interview na nag-last lang for 5 minutes ata o mga 7 minutes. Tapos binigyan ako ni Miss HR ng slip at ininstruct niya ako na pumunta sa may POEA, may testing center dun. Ipakita ko raw ung slip na binigay niya.

So, since malapit lang, nagtaxi ako. Wala pang 15 minutes nandun na ako. Jusme, sakto lang ung paghalungkat ko sa bag para hanapin ung coin purse ko kasi pagkahanap ko, nandun na ako sa parking lot ng building nung testing center. So nagstart ako magtake ng exam at 9:45 am. Yung una ko inansweran ay about verbal, numerical, and abstract reasoning. Tapos, may binigay sa akin na test about emotions and reactions. Tapos akala ko yun na at pwede na umuwi. But NO. Sabi nung proctor, be back at 1pm daw. Edi kumain muna ako sa Galle. I went back at exactly 1pm. At dun pagkaupo ko, binigyan ako ni Ginoong proctor ng lima ata o anim na booklet na sagutan ko raw. At eto pa, may blank sheet of paper para raw sa autobiography. Ang haggard. Sana pala di ako naglunch kasi ugali ko nang antukin after kumain lalo pa yun, siesta. Haha. At around 3:15 natapos din ako sa wakas.

Nakakapagod talaga pero sana, as in sana, makapasa ako sa Meralco. Maganda kasi ang benefits dun. Sana okay. Ilang beses ko na itong sinasabi sa mga entry ko pero uulitin ko, "wish me luck".

Sa Friday, meron nanaman ako interview. Sana naman sa dami ng interviews na pinuntahan ko, eh kahit dalawa dun eh ma-hire ako. Haha.

May puntahan sana ang pagod ko. :)