Unposted Blog

Here's an unposted blog. I saved this in my Multiply Account. I just wanted to write about this that time. This was dated September 9. If this someone gets to read this, perhaps, she will know that this is for her.

You didn't let me in. I just wish you did. I wanted to understand you, I wanted to be there for you, I wanted to be one of the people you turn to when you're in trouble. I wanted to be a friend but you didn't let me. You didn't let me in your world.. in your life. I don't know why.

It's just so frustrating to see new people get close to you easily because I've tried to do the same for years but nothing seemed to work. Maybe we really are better off this way. acquaintances and never friends.. sad. It probably is too late now anyway because issues keep popping between us. The gap is bigger. And pretty soon, I'll be going away. It just breaks my heart to feel that the existence of friendship between us has moved closer to impossibility.. and even though I would like to explain myself or my side to you, I don't know how.

I really do not know you. I never knew the real you because I never had the chance. I wish I did, though. You can believe everything I've written here or not. It's really up to you. Maybe this will be another issue between us... something you and your real friends will talk about. Maybe you'll think I'm not sincere or maybe you will see through my words.. I don't know. How am I supposed to know, right? I never got to know you.

I don't know if it will happen anymore. I don't know if you'll ever see me as a friend. For now, I choose to give up. People get tired you know. And I guess I ran out of ways to try being a friend to you. I lost hope. Maybe we've been trying so hard.

It took me years to realize that civil is all that we will ever be. Little more, little less. I don't know if you ever saw me as a friend or ever considered me as one. I wanted to ask you this question for so long but I didn't because I'm scared to know the answer. Believe me or not, being unwanted as a friend is just enough to break my heart. Maybe, this question is better left unanswered for now. Maybe the answers will unfold on it's own. Time will probably tell.

So before I end this, I want to say thank you and I'm sorry. I know you're not the only one who's been hurting and trying. And maybe you don't want it to be this way either but perhaps, it's for the best. Who knows in the future, our paths may cross again and maybe when that time comes, we can have a fresh start. I'd really love that.

Zen