walang gana

so i'm writing this a couple of minutes before i leave for kamote's place. we'll be having our pseudo-christmas party there. i was initially excited because namiss ko ung mga kumag kong barkada kaya nga super effort talaga kami na i-organize yung party. badtrip lang kasi people started texting, one by one, minute after minute.. take note: just today.. na hindi raw sila pwede kesyo ganito ganyan and blah blah blah. so medyo nawawalan ako ng gana kasi ayaw magsipunta nung iba. sheesh. i've known them since highschool and i can say that i know them enough to tell na they're just trying to excuse themselves. pfft.

i actually thought that this party will be the one thing that can sweep off my problems away but now, i'm halfway to thinking that i'm wrong. ohwell, everything's still premature to be judged so let's just wait and see later. *timecheck: ooops, i should be going.

------

Cargo: i tried browsing this certain person's friendster profile and i've only one question in mind:
Bakit nasa featured friends nya si Erik??? hmmmmm..

:(

i had a really, really terrible day. it was soooo bad that i can't even begin to write about it. so i guess i'll just pass on this one. this sucks.

day out with the kamote and pards

was able to catch gene last night in ym. he told me about his breakup with mileth and he really sounded depressed and sad. he wanted to create a diversion. so what better way to do that than getting a full body massage and a body scrub? huh. how i wish that happened. we just went to the mall and watched a movie. gene had fun naman so i think jo and i succeeded in helping him nurse his broken heart.

this day was such a bore so that was practically the highlight of my today.

oh oh, here's another one. lol

What kind of sexy are you? Brought to you by www.glam.com

You’re Sexy and Slinky!
You truly love being a woman. Whether at the office or a dinner party, you play up all your best assets without apology. You’re a free spirit and independent with a will of your own. You’re entirely comfortable with yourself, and people find you completely irresistible and intoxicating.

haha!! that's a nice one. :D

nonsense that's worth my time

To get rid of boredom, i tried answering this test about what kind of a kisser i am. and guess what?! The result is... *drum rolls

You’re a romantic kisser!
Your puckering preference is the stuff of swooning, dreamy love, be it accompanied by candlelight, moonlit skies, whispered sweet nothings, or no more than a perfect tongue-tango partner.


If you want to check the site, click the image. :D

always

i'll be seeing you all the time.
i'll never be gone.
i'll always be here even if you don't think i am.
i promised you then and i'll promise you now.
i'm always with you as much as
you're always with me, in heart and memory.

edit mode.

vague as it is, the title's that way for a couple of reasons. four days na lang 2008 na and i must say that i haven't been totally happy with myself this year. i screwed up some big things in my life and i did change both in a positive and a negative way. wasn't able to sleep at all two nights ago because i was contemplating and reflecting; busy comparing the way i am before 2007 came and now that it's about to end and i wasn't really happy with some of my realizations. and so i figured out that i really need to edit some of my ways. edit talaga ung term, hehe.

speaking of edit. i missed doing a lot of things, which i know, with all modesty aside, i'm good at like graphics and visual designs - editing pictures, in particular. i know myself. i have this tendency to rot on things that i suddenly don't do as often as before anymore. and even though i already am aware of this possibility, i still let myself stop on practicing my skill. yes i was busy but every time i have a free time, i chose to do other things and sadly, those other things are really not important at all. much as i hate to admit, i think my skill on graphics and visual designs is beginning to rot. to turn the table, i'm definitely including this in my new year's resolution.

in lieu to the previous paragraph, i also plan to dance again. i'd really make time for that. gaaad, ang taba ko na and even though i'm already aware of this, i can't stop eating. with someone with a big appetite and has no means to burn fats, what do you expect? i'm getting fatter every single day. dati 100 to 105lbs lang ako pero ngayon, tumataginting na 120lbs na ang weight ko. arg! soooper hirap pa naman mag-diet dahil sooooooper sarap kumain!

since i'm already finished reflecting and have finally identified what to change with my attitude, body and etc, i guess i'm now ready to write my resolutions for 2008. i'll do that later. and i really, really promise to myself that this time, i'll strictly abide with what's in that list.

while waiting.

trip ko lang ipost ang pics ni erik sa multiply account ko. and as i was browsing each photo, i can't help but laugh over some of his pics. andame kasi niya pics na funny faces, as in really funny faces to the point na mukha na talaga siyang mongoloid. :D namimiss ko na kasi siya eh kaya ayun.. hmm.. mukhang masama akong maka-miss ng tao. i'm pretty sure he's gonna kill me (with kisses, i hope :D) pag nakita na niya yung updated album niya sa account ko. :D

love you.

5335

just got home.

alright this is really creepy. another creepy-freaky coincidence. i was in the office kanina helping mom out with some of her work then we got this phone call. the call was received by tita milan so we just continued doing what we're doing and didn't pay any attention at all. not until tita milan's tone changed and began asking the caller "san niyo nadali?" "nagulungan ba?" "saan dinala?" "nakakulong ba si _________?" and et cetera. after hearing those questions we were like "uyy sino yun? anong meron?" call ends. tita milan told us that it was one of our conductors reporting an accident. unfortunately an old lady was hit by bus 5335 and was brought to the hospital. and the driver? he's in jail.

now here's why it got creepy. few years back, one of our bus units with the same bus number also got involved in an accident resulting to the amputation of the victim's leg. DISCLAIMER: the amputation was needed because the victim was diabetic. it wasn't because super grabe yung accident.and months after that, it got involved again in another accident. point is, it was always the bus with that number, 5335. i don't know if it's just an innocent coincidence or if these accidents were trying to send us some kind of a message. there's no way of knowing, right? so we just decided right then and there to change the bus number and not use 5335 in any of our units anymore. *goosebumps

oooooooh.

countdown.

six days to go before Christmas and i'm still not done shopping. hmmmm.. not that i'm broke, though i partially am. it's just that i'm having a pretty hard time thinking of what to give to my few chosen friends. my mind's cluttered with nothing but cheezy and expensive ideas. in short, fantasy. i already have a gift for mom and dad so that's two down and lots to go.

change topic. six days na lang pasko na but i'm still not feeling it. i don't want to sound cynical or something (because i have no reason to be) but that's the truth. i still can't feel the spirit of the holidays, unlike before. maybe it's because of the weather? or maybe because i'm preoccupied lately. coz i had a very, very crazy week. ooooh spirit of the holidays, nandyan ka na ba? *korni. obviously, i'm waiting for the spirit of the holidays to come to me.. or should i look for it? i want to feel the excitement, that tingling feeling when i attend the simbang gabi or when i buy putubumbong.

spirit of christmas, where art thou?
i'm waiting. come to me.

the closet queen a.k.a. tcq

She's back, finally. No matter how oa or how weird this may sound, talagang inaabangan ko ang pagbabalik niya kasi as in I really love her items.. the quality, the style, and everything. affordable pa. Amongst all online shops in Multiply, sa kanya lang ako bumili ng more than two items. Okay din kasi siyang kausap, very professional yet very friendly. Sayang lang kasi since I am busy during daytime, tuwing gabi na lang ako nakakaonline kaya when I checked her new uploads, most of the good items were already reserved. Errrrrrr. Sabi ko nga sa kanya, i'll wait for her next batch of uploads para talagang makapili ako ng husto. haha.

Online shopping addict na ako.
Hohoho!!!

tina's bday.

20 na si tina. porn mode. haha!

too bad, people are busy.. either with exams or with work. wala tuloy gathering para kay tina. i was thinking of planning something so i texted everybody to try to convince them that tina's bday is worthy for some of their time. kaya lang, they're very busy talaga eh. even the celebrator, herself, is busy. darn it. oh well, i just wish that tina's day will rock. :D

i miss the barkada. haha.. yuck, emo.

c'mon.

you're gay. admit it. kunwari ka pa.


*ooops bato-bato sa langit ang tamaan, walang karapatang magalit. :P

- 30 -


Note: I'm sorry for being blunt, at least I didn't drop any names. I just can't help it that I'm really, really annoyed by this certain person. grrrrrrr.

your my guardian angel...

I instantly fell in love with this song... the moment I heard it, all I can say was "aaaaaawww" See? it's not even a word. The song gives me a feeling of something that I can't really describe. I can't think of any concrete term to call the emotion that this song transcends to me. lss talaga ako. I can't imagine how much love or emotion the writer of this song has... for someone to be able to create a song as realistic and lovely as this, gaaaad, I don't know what to say except that i think s/he's really in loooooooove. *blush




Your Guardian Angel - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

late-night updates.

Missed writing here for the past week and right now, everything's just so crazy. Actually crazier than last week.

Anyway, I just got home from Elbi. Gaaaad. Speaking of Elbi, I miss it soooo bad.. the place, the ambiance, the people, everything! :( Top of it all, I miss Erik and the rest of the clan. All my years in college, I spent with the group. It was a drastic change for me to suddenly not be with them every single day. Same with Erik... soooobrang nakaka-experience ako ng separation anxiety. arg. We grew together at Elbi. Almost all of our special memories happened there. Elbi's our love nest. It was a witness of our four years together and even the moments before that.

Update No. 1:
Last night was a blast. We [clan] had our Preppy Christmas Party. Sooper saya. Everybody had fun, I guess. If there was an award for the Mr. and Ms. Parlor Games, I'm sure that would be given to me and Erik. We practically won all the games last night. Haha. The concept of the games were full of twists and I'd like to commend the youngest batch for that. It has been a tradition of the group na kasi that the youngest batch will be assigned to spearhead the Christmas Party. Moving on, I really had fun kahit na napaupo pa ako sa ngalan ng pagiging panalo. The part was crazy!! Even got crazier after the party proper. Some, including me, are on the pool while others are upstairs videoke-ing while drinking. As expected, there are some who drank too much and got so emo and were out of control. They made the night all the more interesting, that's all I can say. *grin. That was another sleepless night but it was worth the puyat. I feel sorry for those who slept early. They missed a lot.

Update No. 2:
Our business is what kept me busy the past week. This is the first time mom entrusted me with something soooo big, something that can make or break our life, so I'm really giving my all to it coz I don't wanna screw up. puh-lease. I'm super happy because I think I'm doing great and I'm actually enjoying it. It just made me feel so grown up already. Anyway, I was there at our stall last week except for Friday and Saturday. I went to Elbi last Saturday and went home today. About Friday? Well, it was my rest day which I wholeheartedly devoted to watching America's Next Top Model. Haha. I was pretty (and) bummed out. *lol

Update No. 3:
December 9 was utol's birthday. He's 19 already, which I found shocking coz I really lost track of his age. I stopped being concerned with his age since he was 8. Haha. Not that I don't care. I just didn't think of it as a big deal. So when he told me that he's already 19, I was like, "huwwwaaaaaaatt?!!!" Anyway, we celebrated his day at Antipolo. All the Fortaleza's were there plus some distant relatives and family friends. It was a fun day. I just have this gut feeling that he can still be happier. Kung nandun sana si gf... kaya lang, wala kasi siyang lisensya, hindi pa aprubado ni momi si gf and mukhang malabong mangyari.

Update No. 4
Erik and I celebrated our fourth anniversary at Trinoma. I initially thought that it will be just like our monthsaries kasi sa mall kami magcecelebrate. Things didn't go the way we planned it due to time and budget constraints. The original plan kasi involves our supposedly first out of town trip together, solo. So we ended up sa Trinoma. Yes we celebrated at a typical place but the day we had was beyond extraordinary. We really had fun and it was something we can really call a celebration of an anniversary. It may not be as extravagant as how we wanted it to be but that's beside the point now coz we really had a great time. Lustay pera mode kami as pambawi. A very happy anniversary indeed. :)

- 30 -

I left out so many details regarding all these activities, nalimot ko na kasi ung iba and medyo natamad na ako mag-type. i lost the momentum already eh. Sayang. goodnight.

kapalmuks.

Bad day.

Ewan ko ba kung bakit may mga taong ganun, ang kapal talaga. errrrrr. I've been trying to not let him get into my nerves pero I can't help it. Two-faced f*g.

If you'll do something for someone, even if it's out of will that you decided to do that, you should just wait for others to see and appreciate your gesture. Don't rant about it. You don't need to brag about it with the hopes of getting compliments. It just doesn't work that way. Instead na ma-appreciate, parang nakakainis. Epal.

*off topic:
Have not written here regularly for the past week/s and for a comeback post, this sucks. the topic sucks.

an encounter with an ex

Few minutes ago, an ex of mine, who also happens to be one of my kabarkadas, IM'd me in ym. He just said hi and we talked for like ten minutes and then said our goodnights-slash-goodmornings. To be honest, I was kinda shock that he IM'd me. Para kasi yung nakaka-loko, pasumpong-sumpong. Minsan bigla ang friendly and minsan naman parang umiiwas. And kanina, he was friendly. Hmmm.. Actually, I already knew that he's also online, I just didn't feel like talking to anyone kaya I ignored whoever was online on my ym list. And like I said, sala sa init-sala sa lamig kasi un kaya I really didn't take the initiative to start a conversation.

I just don't get it why he's like that. It just feels awkward coz I really feel na there really are times na iniiwasan niya ako. Haller. Ang tagal na since we broke up pero up to now may ganitong awkward moments parin lalo na pag magkasama kami sa lakad ng barkada. Nakadalawang gf na nga siya after me eh. Haller (again). He was the one who left me way, way back tapos siya pa yung parang nagiging aloof? Pambihira. It's getting kinda funny actually kasi ang weird diba? Pero I know na factor yung gf niya kasi selosa lalo na sa mga ex ni ex ko. Alam ko kasi ex's gf texted me dati and befriended me. Ex's gf was honest enough to tell me that she still feels jealous towards me. So I explained why she should not feel that way at all. At mukhang naging okay naman na after that kasi naging textmates pa kami ni ex's gf.

That's why I get weirded up by ex's actions and treatment to me. Weird for me kasi ako as in, super okay lang. No uneasiness at all when he's around kasi wala na sakin un. Not that I'm saying na may something pa rin siya kaya siya umiiwas and stuff... hindi ganun. What I'm trying to point out is ang tagal na nun kaya hindi na un issue pa dapat lalo na with our respective relationships kasi super tagal na nun, my gaaad. He's my friend and having a bitter past doesn't mean we can never go back to being really friends, at least for me.

Weird.

my infamous blog

I didn't publicize this blog account on my accounts so I'm pretty much sure that this blog site is worse than infamous. And I don't care. I didn't create this account just so I can have people look at it and see or critique what I wrote and how I wrote it. This account existed because there was a time in my life that I needed an outlet, something or somewhere where I can pour my heart out.

As a matter of fact, I'm much more comfortable in knowing that nobody (as far as I know) visits and reads my entries here. That way, I can fully exercise my right to freedom of speech. *lol

Another thing, I'm already done with college and I'm now venturing on something that's totally not related to what I took up. It's through this blog that I can be sure that my skills in writing and whatever it is that I learned in my course will be safe from rotting. Needless to say, this infamous online doodle pad is my practice space.

To end this, I don't really care if there are people who knows about this account. They just probably drop by because of my pics, hahaha! And they're pretty much welcome to have a glimpse of my sometimes-thrilling-most-of-the-time-boring-life.

I know that I am one infamous blogger of an infamous blog. And I'm proud of it.

december 4, 2007 - random babblings

I know it's already past midnight so it's not December four anymore. But since I'm still awake, my December four is still on going.

Took a day off work and relaxed a bit. Haven't done that for quite some time. My day was nothing but ordinary, boring and full of non-sense. Turned the PC on right after I woke up and ate breakfast while browsing some sites and checking my accounts. Before I knew it, I'm eating my lunch already.. take note, I'm still in front of the computer looking for some good buys on different online shops in Multiply. Technically, that was all that I did the whole day. I just vegetated in front of my computer.

Come dinner time, I just sat on the couch and opened the tv to watch teleseryes while waiting for my mom, dad and utol. As expected, they arrived just in time for pbb. They wouldn't miss a single episode of that for the world. Fanatics. Then we all ate dinner together and shared stories about how our day was, like we always do. I just listened to their stories and chewed on my food one spoonful at a time. Then I went back in front of my computer and buried myself on Multiply.

Talk about being bum. I think I had the most boring December 4 in the www.

[another operational definition: www in this entry means whole wide world and not world wide web.]
stylish eh? *wink

as promised :)

I know I promised to post here the pic of my first-ever-bought-in-Multiply dress once I receive it. Yes, I got it... i got the item, which meant that that was an authentic business transaction [in lieu to my post, Multiply Shopping]. No one's a bogus after all. :D

I got the item and I really loved it. Plus, I also bought another top from another online multiply shop. And I still have another one which was a pre-order. Oh and another one that I reserved and will pay later. Haha. Sinong naadik sa online shopping?!

So here it is, my SunCrackers dress, which I bought for only 250 bucks [including the shipment]:D

Reminiscing..

Few days ago, I had an encounter with the so-called Nostalgia. I was just thinking of how happy I am right now with Erik. See, it's December already, which means that we'll be celebrating an anniversary again - our fourth to be exact. I'm soooooo happy.

I can't help but reminisce how our love story started. We were just freshmen students when our relationship bloomed and now, I'm already done in college and it's Erik's last semester already. Four long years. And in that stretch of time, Erik has always been successful in making me feel really loved, wanted, cared for... with him I felt like I'm a gem, well-guarded, safe and sound, from anyone who would like to take me away.

Having him is more than an answered prayer. God knows how I wanted to have someone who would treat me as his treasure, someone who will make all the happy moments in my life all the more joyful, someone who'll be there through thick and thin, someone who'll embrace all my imperfections and will never take it against me. And He gave me Erik - the very someone who treated me the way I want to be treated and most of all, loved me with all of him, with all of his heart. Erik showed me love beyond compare. No man in my life has ever made me feel so loved like how Erik did.

Erik's a really, really great person. More than his good looks is his BIG heart who can show you that he really loves you - through words, and much more through actions. He is my man - my catch of a lifetime.

gloomy day

Yesterday...

It was around 11am when I stood outside SM. That was the first time I did that. For a first time-[r], it was indeed memorable... but in a not-so-good way.

Time check.

See, hours already passed me and random things happened in between; but I can still paint a virtual image of how gloomy that morning looked like. It looked really sad, much like an abandoned gray sky. Nothing but fog and running PUJ's. Just plain, colorless horizon.

Gloomy, cold day.
I need a hug.

Sheryl Cruz... I don't like her.

I don't like her as an actress. She tends to exaggerate her acting. I'm beginning to wonder why was she able to stay in the business this long... ayoko talaga sa acting niya, so full of effort.

Yeah, I know Miss Minchin is really a mischievous person in the kiddie series Sarah, Ang Munting Prinsesa. I just don't get it why every time she has to be mean to Sarah or to whoever, she screams from the top of her poor lungs while delivering lines. Argh. She's so noisy. Her voice is so irritating. Poor throat. Tsk tsk tsk.

Sayang, she's pretty pa naman. I think she's better off as an image model and not an actress.
Coz as an actress, she kinda suck. :D

Peace.

Life starts at 40.

Wala lang. This is my 40th post kasi. Sobrang non-sense diba? Kumusta naman yun. Haha.

Oh well, I just wish that this blog will have:
+ more life,
+ more visitors,
+ and more sense.

Maybe after this...
Life begins at 40, after all.

CHEERS!

♥♥♥

Okay, I'm not emo at all but let me be one for now.
I just wanna share this.

I am missing Erik really, really bad. We haven't talked as often and as "tuluy-tuloy" as before these past few days. But we're okay, it's just that, he's been busy and so was I. He was busy with dancing and I was busy with our family business. Ganito siguro talaga when two people don't do the same things together anymore, like us. *sigh

But hey, just so we're crystal, we're really okay. We're not on a rocky road and we're not breaking up or cooling off. I just have to say this, that I miss him big time. Call me defensive, I don't care. *wink.

Maybe this is a "patikim" on what it will be like when we finally both have our own jobs and pursue our own dreams. But nevertheless, I'm thankful to God that He is letting us experience this as early as now. At least, we can use this to our advantage. We can adjust on each other's schedule and make things work. I know we can pull this off. Kami pa?!

In a few days, we'll be celebrating our fourth anniversary. It will be our fourth December 6 together. Grabe, how time flies. Imagine, four years? Not that it's unbelievable. It's just that, I think it's an achievement to stay together for this long and still go stronger every day. Sa dami ba naman ng nakikilala namin sa araw-araw, at sa dami ng nag-interes na mag-penetrate sa relasyon namin... to celebrate our fourth anniversary is really both an achievement and a gift.

And may I add, I am very proud of the two of us because we never had a fight about him or me being jealous of another person. We never had a problem about that. What can I say, we're both good BOOs. :)

It's also very flattering because the people around us always tells us stuff like "Basta imbitado ako sa kasal ha...", "Kayo, mag-break? Newsflash yun pag nagkataon", and blah-blah-blah... It's a very nice feeling knowing that people get inspired with what we have. Few of our friends even told us that we are a living proof that true love still does exist in the world today.

There's nothing nicer than seeing people care for you and care for what you have and be happy because they can see that you're happy or be sad because they can see you're sad. It's nice to affect people's lives.

How I really wish for others to discover this infamous blog because I really want the whole wide world (www - lol!) to know that...

I am happily in love and happily loved.
Four years and will keep on counting.

the g-cash experience

Okay, you can call me "kamote" all you like. But yes, it's true. Today, I had my first gcash experience. Congratulations to me. Hahaha!! I cashed in 250 bucks for the dress I bought from a Multiply on-line shop. Now, I have done my part and proven that I'm not a bogus buyer so now, all I have to do is wait for 24 hours to see if she's not a bogus seller.

There's nothing much to write about really.

The Gcash experience, ladies and gentlemen, is the highlight of my November 26. Oh well, just another way of saying that my day is nothing but a bore. =D

s.c.a.r.y.s.t.o.r.y.

Freaky coincidence.

It was around 7pm when this happened. I was walking back and forth in the church's parking lot while waiting for my mom. It was kinda dark and there's nobody around. Then I received a text from one of my old friends [hi osang!].

This was the content:
A TRUE SCARY STORY

May isang mag-syota na kasali sa isang mountaineering group. Isang araw habang nasa camping ang grupo ay kinailangan ng babae na maiwan sa base camp dahil sa slight injury sa katawan. Batuloy ang grupo sa pag-akyat kasama ng kanyang bf at naiwan siyang mag-isa.

Umabot ng limang araw bago nakabalik ang grupo at laking pagtataka ng babae na hindi kasama ang bf niya.Tinanong niya ang mga kasama kung nasaan ang lalaki at ang tanging sagot lang nila, "Nagkaron ng landslide sa taas. Natabunan siya at hindi nakaligtas."

Hindi matanggap ng babae ang balita. Nang gabing natutulog na ang lahat sa base camp, parang may nag-udyok sa kanyang lumabas at maglakad-lakad. Sa paglalakad, laking gulat niya ng makita niya ang kanyang bf na gumagapang at puno ng lupa ang katawan at sinabing, "Buti nakita kita. Nagkaron ng landslide sa taas. Ako lang ang nakaligtas."

Ang tanong: Kanino siya dapat maniwala?

-30-

Given the place and the availability of lighting when I received that message, I guess it's normal to freak out. Right? Because I did... big time! Muntik nang matanggal yung balahibo ko sa tindi ng goosebumps ko kanina. It really was a freaky coincidence. Until now, nag-gugoosebumps pa rin ako pag naaalala ko.

Another product of boredom

I found this link while browsing my friend, Janine's Multiply site. I know that this is just non-sense but nevertheless, I tried it. I tried to see what the site will tell me.

Crap. By the way, the site is about knowing your past life.

I was reading the instructions when I ran on a funny part on it. Before the site can diagnose who you were in your past life, it would require you to enter your birthday, which was really fine and expected. It's just that, the way it was stated in the site... I can't help but laugh a little. It said: "To know the answer, just type in the date when you were born in your present life." I was like "Malamang birthday sa present life. As if naman alam ko yung birthday ko nung past life ko."

Fast forward. The result.

General Diagnosis:
"I don't know how you feel about it, but you were male in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Phillippines around the year 1425. Your profession was that of a builder of houses, temples and cathedrals."

Comment: Okay, lalaki raw ako dati... baka kaya boyish ako ngayon. BOINK.

Brief Psychological Profile:
"Ruthless character, carefully weighing his decisions in critical situations, with excellent self-control and strong will. Such people are generally liked, but not always loved."

Comment: Naka-relate ako dun sa "generally liked, but not always loved" na part. It holds a measure of truth kasi. Drama.

My sexy name is...

Click here to go to the site.

*drumroll please*

Actuall I've several sexy names... (haha, anti-climactic lang)
Depende sa kung ano yung itype ko, so I tried how clever this thing works. I tried my full name, nickname, real name and here's what I got. Hahaha!!!

ZEN = Zillionaire Exchanging Necking
Comment: Okay, ako na ang zillionaire!

RENZANNE = Ravishing Exciting Non-conformist Zealously Administering Necking and Naughty Embraces
Comment: Okay, ang daming adjectives, wala akong ma-say. Matry nga yung mas mahirap.

RENZANNE FORTALEZA = ayaw na niya.
Comment: Okay, akala ko mauutakan ko. =D 10 letters pala ang maximum.

Obviously, for the lamest reason - boredom, kaya ko ito naisipan gawin. To end this non-sense, I'd like to comment on my sexy name... names, for this matter.

Ako na ang mahilig sa Necking! Hahahaha!

How cute can babies get? omg.

I was browsing my Message Board (Multiply) to see what's new then I bumped into this post by my very good friend, AJ. It was titled Humor to 100%. So I checked it out.

After a couple of minutes or more or less an hour, I found myself still on that site and watching the video over and over again. It was really hilarious and really, really cute.

Pantanggal stress at pagod 'to.

I also posted it in my account. Click "here" to view the video. :D

Kudos to The Team!!

Yes, the group made it.

The team nailed the performance last night at the FUBU Street Dance Challenge. We bagged the third place. Jesus Rocks! We won a place and everybody saw and knows that the team deserves it. Some even said we deserve to be the second place. One said we can be the champion of this competition. Thanks to the respect and to the appreciation.

Third man yan, first, second, or kahit hindi nanalo, ang mahalaga nag-enjoy.

For the team, it's not all about winning ever since. We just want to show what we did with the talent He gave us. We believe that there are more important things than winning, kumbaga bonus na lang yun. We were after the experience, the fellowship, and the enjoyment. Yun lang ma-invite sa isang competition kung saan sinasabing best of the bests lang ang nabigyan ng slot ay sobrang laking panalo na for the group.

Oftentimes, gaining respect means more than winning... and to have it both, yes it's sooooper fulfilling talaga. Nevertheless, di man naka-place, it won't break the team's heart kasi nag-enjoy sila and we saw it when they performed the routine. Congratulations guys!

We're really happy talaga kasi kahit two weeks preparation lang yung Team for FUBU [kasi hindi naman na talaga gusto isali ni Mam Jlu yung team kaya lang bawal na mag-backout], naging okay pa rin yung outcome. God talaga has ways of making things happen. Much love and thanks to Him.

Dancing is our way of glorifying Him and we are very happy and thankful na nagugustuhan Niya ang mga inalay naming sayaw sa kanya.

To GOD be the Glory!
UPLB Street Jazz.... JESUS!!!!!!!!

Today's the Big Day

Grabe, bilis ng araw. Nagising na lang ako at na-realize ko na Saturday na. It sure feels weird na may comeptition pero hindi ako gumising ng maaga at wala ako sa Elbi.

Nakakapanibago yung sa araw ng competition, ang laman ng text ko sa mga tao ay "Guys good luck... Kaya NIYO yan." blah blah blah. Nobody even bothered to reply sa mga text na yun, busy kasi siguro. Then I asked myself, "Ganun din kaya yung pakiramdam nung ibang nagtetext na hindi na namin narereplyan sa mismong araw ng competition?"

Today's surely a big day sa group kasi FUBU Street Dance Challenge is one of the biggest competitions of the group. Aside from the fact that it's invitational, only the ten best collegiate dance crews were encouraged to join and guess what, [kahit obvious naman] we were one of the chosen few. Mas mabigat pa siya sa Skechers Street Dance Battle kasi best of the bests talaga agad yung labanan. Tipong one blow lang.

Today's also a big day for me. My being an alumna of the group begins in this competition. This is just the start so I guess I have to get used to it a-s-a-p. I also think it's normal for me to feel really weird and somewhat envious of them for the experience kasi fresh pa yung nangyari. Iba kasi yung kasama ka dun sa bumubuo ng team na kinilalang one of the bests tapos you get to represent the university sa isang mabigat na competition like FUBU. Nevertheless, I am really, really happy and excited for the team.

Naisip ko rin, okay na rin naman. Kahit di ako kasama sa lineup mamaya, I know I contributed a lot to bring the team to where it is right now kasi isa naman ako sa mga nagcocompete before this one. Plus, ang basis naman ng FUBU for choosing the ten best competitors ay yung past perfromances ng Team, which I was a part of. So okay na rin. Masaya na akong nakatulong sa grupo. Siguro, niloob na rin ni God na mangyari ito kasi baka time na para i-let go ko ang pagcocompete and be prepared for the bigger things in life. Bigger in the sense na mas magrerequire ng responsibility.

Anyway, I saw the team practice once or twice last week and I must really say that the routine got better and really, really stronger. I am pretty confident that they'll place in this competition. Ang galing talaga nila eh. *GOOSEBUMPS

Oh well, ngayon pa lang, winner na yung team for me. :)

Shopping on Multiply =)

This is actually the first time I'm going to do this. Do what? Buy something from someone I don't know.

Ooooh I just loved the yellow and black striped dress. It was really cute. If not for that piece of garment, I would not have tried this for the first time - trusting a total stranger. Though she seemed kinda nice, it's just so hard to trust. Especially if I'm about to hand in 250 bucks and just wait and sit for 24 hours to see whether or not this is an authentic business transaction.

Oh well, who knows this may turn out just fine. Bianca already tried doing this so I guess it's safe. I just fell in love with the cutie dress. Mind you. i'm not even a fan of dresses. i usually go for jeans or pedals but this one is totally different. It's really, really, as in uber-to-the-max cute!

Wish me luck! :)

I swear I'll post a pic of the dress once I get it. You'll see what I'm really talking about.
Smile.

on PBB.

OMG. I can't believe it. First time in the history of PBB that two housemates volunteered to exit the PBB house because of "Kuya". And take note, sabay pa sila. It was just so unbelievable that this happened. Also, that the other one, Macoi, actually has a point.. na medyo offensive si Kuya. I really understood him, without bias. I saw where he's coming from.

I feel kinda upset kasi Mcoi was my bet. He's smart, responsible and sensible. He's a good leader and really has what it takes to be the winner. I honestly thought Mcoi really has a big shot on this one, kaya lang nag-quit siya. Sayang talaga. On the other hand, I also feel bad about Ethel's decision kasi parang siya ung buhay sa PBB house. Siya lang yung namumukod tanging may loud na personality, the rest of the housemates are either safe or boring.

Had it been otherwise, I am sure that Ethel and Mcoi would have put up a really tight and good fight. Sayang talaga.

*sigh

A Minute In My Life I Wish I Saw Coming.

For quite some time, inisip ko na totoo yun... na it really happened. Pero after that, wala na. parang walang nangyari. Everything's back to normal. It was like the conversation was nothing but pure "make believe". Steady lang ako. It wasn't that big a deal anyway. Pero napaisip ako... Bakit kaya? I kept asking that myself pero hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa rin mahanapan ng sagot.

Then I thought, maybe that was the moment talking. All the pent up emotions were also there, talking and joking. Maybe the moon was blue that night. That was one heck of awhile. The one minute in my life that I wish I saw coming...

Broken hearts still beat.

This is an excerpt to one of my oldest journal entries. It was originally dated June 25, 2004. I wrote it around 3:02 in the morning.

I've been through the greatest heartache because someone in my past gave it to me. On the contrary, I want to thank him for that because it made me certain that I can give the kind of love, which can be called TRUE and SACRIFICIAL. Though I was hurt, I knew deep within that it was one of the best times of my life because during that point, I was certain that I know what love is and that I know how to love... and believe me, there is no greater thing than knowing and learning the raw facts of life. Yes, it was painful but it made me a better and a much stronger person. i learned about love the hard way but that doesn't matter because love entails being hurt and being hurt means that you are loving. And that is a good sign.

There you have it.

Laugh Trip: Funny One Liners

This is so hilarious!!

1. The more the manier.
2. It's a no win-win situation.
3. Burn the bridge when you get there.
4. Anulled and void.
5. Mute and academic.
6. Come let's join us!
7. If worse comes to shove.
8. Are you joking my leg?
9. It's not my problem anymore, it's your problem anymore.
10. What are friends are for?
11. You can never can tell.
12. Well, well, well, look do we have here.
13. Let's give them a big hand of applause.
14. Been there, been that!
15. Forget it about it.
16. Give him the benefit of the "daw"
17. It's a blessing in the sky.
18. Right there and right then.
19. Where'd you came from?
20. Take things first at a time.
21. You're barking at the wrong dog.
22. You want to have your cake and bake it too.
23. First and for all.
24. Now and there.
25. I'm only human nature.
26. The sky's the langit.
27. That's what I'm talking about it.
28. One of these days is not like the other.
29. So far, so good, so far.
30. Time is of the elements.
31. In the wink of an eye.
32.The feeling is actual.
33. For all intense and purposes.
34. I ran into some errands.
35. Hi I'm ____, what's yours?
36. What is the world is coming to?
37. What is the next that is?
38. Get the most of both worlds.
39. Bahala na sila sa mga batman nila.
40. Whatever you say so.
41. Base to base casis.
42. My answers have been prayered.
43. Please me alone!
44. It's as brand as new.
45. So... what's a beautiful girl like you?
46. I can't take it anymore of this.
47. Are you sure ka na ba?
48. Can't you just cut me some slacks?
49. Let's bring down the house down.

Laugh Trip: STOP ME MOMENTS

Boyfriend to Girlfriend:
"What do you take me for? Granted?!"

Guard answering the telephone:
"Ah yes, for awhile...Please hang yourself."

Starlet in an interview:
"If the odds are against me, then I will against them."

Inday Badiday asks a starlet about her mother's burial:
Inday: Kumusta naman ang libing ng nanay mo?
Starlet: Successful naman po.

Army officer to cadet:
Officer: Do you know why I ask you to stand?
Cadet: No sir.
Officer: Okay, why?

Teacher to students:
"Baka gusto niyong ibilad ko kayo dun sa covered court?!"

Sa isang examination:
Student: Mam, pwedeng gumamit ng liquid paper?
Teacher: Ang kulit naman! Sinabi nang yellow paper lang eh!

Teacher after the examination:
"Okay. Time is up! One, two, three... come your papers to me!"

A reporter interviews a politician about our economy, politician says:
"Talagang mahirap ang buhay natin ngayon pero slow by slow, we will success."

Teacher to students:
"Sorry class I am late. My mother died three years ago. And now, she's dead."

Heard in a fast food chain:
"Mam, baka po gusto niyo mag-avail ng KIDNEY meal?"

Teacher to student:
Teacher: What is your name?
Student: Mark po.
Teacher: What is your old?

In a restaurant:
Waiter: Sir, how do you want your egg?
Customer: Side in, side out.

Mom interviews her daughter's suitor:
Mom: What's your course?
Suitor: Geo po. (Geology)
Mom: Aahhh.. Geo-rnalism? Okay nga yan.

Suitor to girl:
"I love you. This is not a ball."

Teacher to students:
"Okay, form two straight circles and find your height alphabetically!"

Teacher to students:
"Okay class, it's time to go home. Form a line and pass out slowly."

Angry teacher to student:
"I want you to bring your mother and father, especially your parents, understood?! Bring them tomorrow in front of me, right here, right now!"

Emcee in a party:
"The next song is the favorite song of my best friend. And neither do I."

Posted in an establishment:
"None ID, Nothing Entry."

Two lousy-in-English friends talking:
F1: Am I raining outside?
F2: Not yet... Sprinkle only.

Alma Moreno in her show, introduces Nora Aunor who came in late:
"Finally! Please welcome, the late Nora Aunor!"

Tonight I Can Write

This poem is so, so, so beautiful. It's beyond words to describe.

By: Paul Neruda
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
Write,for example, "The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance."
The night wind resolves in the sky and sings.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.
Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.
She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.
Tonight i can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her.
To feel that I have lost her.
To hear the immense night,
still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.
What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.
This is all.
In the distance someone is singing.
In the distance.

My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.
My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.
The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.
I no longer love her, that's certain,
but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.
Another's. She will be another's.
As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body, her infinite eyes.
I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is short, forgetting is so long.
Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.
Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
And these the last verse I write for her.

Just a Survey

This is a survey I got from Friendster. Let me see how boyish and gurlash I am. =D

YOUR GUY SIDE:
[x] You like hoodies.
[x] You like jeans.
[x] Dogs are better than cats.
[ ] It's hilarious when people get hurt.
[x] You've played with/against boys on a team.
[ ] Shopping is torture.
[ ] Sad movies suck.
[ ] You own/ed an X-Box.
[ ] Played with HotWheels cars as a kid.
[ ] At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
[x] You own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega.
[x] You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
[x] You watch sports on TV.
[ ] Gory movies are cool.
[ ] You go to your dad for advice.
[ ] You own like a trillion baseball caps.
[ ] You like going to high school football games.
[ ] You used to/do collect football cards.
[x] Baggy pants are cool to wear.
[ ] It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
[x] Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
[x] You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
[x] Sports are fun.
[ ] Talk with food in your mouth.
[ ] Sleep with your socks on at night.
TOTAL: 11

YOUR GIRL SIDE:
[x] You wear lip gloss/stick.
[x] You love to shop.
[x] You wear eyeliner.
[ ] You wear the color pink
[x] Go to your mom for advice.
[ ] You consider cheerleading a sport.
[ ] You hate wearing the color black.
[x] You like hanging out at the mall.
[x] You like getting manicures and/or
pedicures.
[x] You like wearing jewelry.
[ ] Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
[x] Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
[ ] You don't like the movie Star Wars.
[x] You were in gymnastics/dance.
[x] It takes you more than one hour to shower, get dressed, (and make-up not incl uded)
[ ] You smile a lot more than you should.
[x] You have more than 6 pairs of shoes.
[x] You care about what you look like.
[x] You like wearing dresses when you can.
[x] You like wearing bodyspray/perfume.
[x] You love the movies.
[ ] Used to play with dolls as little kid.
[ ] Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy of it.
[ ] Like being the star of everything.
TOTAL : 15

Haha, wala lang. I'm still a girlie girlaloo pa rin pala. That's funny.

WARNING TO ALL, ESPECIALLY TO GIRLS!

Please repost this.

Jim Paredes wrote:

Something that happened in Katipunan, Q.C.

Dear friends,

Many of you may not have heard of the incident that happened to a friend of my son last week at about 6:30 pm right in front of the thickly-populated area of BPI-Katipunan, near Shoppersville. She parked her car right in front of BPI to make a withdrawal and to do some grocery. As she was getting into her car after doing her chores, a man suddenly appeared beside her and tried to bully her into moving to the passenger seat. When she pressed her car horn to call attention, he pushed her in the car and pinned her down with his elbow on her neck. It was a good thing that she had the presence of mind to continue to struggle and press on her car horn to catch attention (even if she had to use her foot to do this). Her assailant even tried to make people believe that it was a domestic matter by telling the crowd not to get involved as it was a "private matter". But with the onlookers multiplying by the second, her assailant finally gave up and ran. That was when she stood up and shouted for help. Thank God the guy got caught and is now under police custody.

Last Saturday, during the inquest, she told me that what gave her the guts to fight her assailant was the article "THROUGH A RAPIST'S EYES" forwarded to our e-group about a week prior to her attack. I am re-forwarding the article (you can find it at the bottom of this e-mail) for everyone's benefit. Please tell your friends, family, and loved ones about this. It works. May I just add that to a certain extent, we have to get ourselves involved if we see violence being committed on anyone like calling on a security guard or a police officer even if it appears to be a domestic matter. It seems that a lot of attackers use that tactic to get away with violence. Not many people know how to take care of themselves when faced with such a situation. Everyone, please be very, very careful.

THOUGHT THIS WAS GOOD INFO TO PASS ALONG...

FYI - Through a rapist's eyes!

A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:

1] The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman w ith a ponytail, bun, braid or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.

2] The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women whose clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.

3] They also look for women on their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.

4] The number one place women are abducted from/attacked at is a grocery store parking lot.

5] Number two are office parking lots/garages.

6] Number three are public restrooms.

7] The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they don't have to worry about getting caught.

8] If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn't worth it because it will be time-consuming.

9] These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas, or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands.

10] Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you're not worth it.

POINTS THAT WE SHOULD REMEMBER:

1] If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like 'what time is it', or make general small talk like 'can't believe it is so cold out here, we're in for a bad winter'. Now that you've seen their faces and could identify them in a line- up, you lose appeal as a target.

2] If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell 'Stop!' or 'Stay back!' Most of the rapists this man talked to said they'd leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.

3] If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yelling 'I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY!' and holding it out will be a deterrent.

4] If someone grabs you, you can't beat them with strength but you can do it by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm between the elbow and armpit or in the upper inner thigh - HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it really hurts.

5] After the initial hit, always go for the groin. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy's parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you'll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause him a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he's out of there.

6] When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.

7] Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don't dismiss it, go with your instincts. You may feel a little silly at the time, but you'd feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.

FINALLY, PLEASE REMEMBER THESE AS WELL ...

I know you are smart enough to know these pointers but there will be some time, when you will go "Hmm... I must remember that." After reading, forward it to someone you care about. Never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do it.

2. Learned this from a tourist guide to New Orleans: If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you... chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you and he will go for the wallet and/or purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc.) DON'T DO THIS!The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU LOCK YOUR DOORS...LEAVE!

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:

a. Be aware. Look around you. Look into your car, at the passenger side floor, and in the back seat.

b. If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

c. Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot).

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times. And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT! It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked "for help" into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle. I was going to send this to the ladies only, but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc., you may want to pass it onto them, as well.

Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it's better safe than sorry.

my mom's cuteness.

I just noticed that every morning, my mom doesn't leave for the office until Cedie, Ang Munting prinsipe is over. Hehe. She watches it regularly, daig pa ako. And there she said it, before she slept last night [take note: out of the blue], "Alam mo, tuwang tuwa talaga ako sa Cedie. Gustong gusto ko talaga yun." Then I thought, what does that suppose to imply? Is it..

A. She is pregnant at pinaglilihihan niya si Cedie? -- naku, wag naman po sana. not that i don't like another sib. ayoko lang na baka magmukhang cartoon character. =D


B. She wishes that my brother would be more like Cedie? -- pasaway kasi si utol lately. =D

..or baka naman..

C. Crush niya si Cedie?! -- hahaha, which is not likely. age gap, hello? reality, hello? TOINK. =D

Whatever reason she has, I just can't help but find it cute na isang uber busy person like my mom takes time to watch a kiddie show like Cedie. It wouldn't be that big a deal kung meron kaming kapatid na bata.. but NO!! my brother and I are both in College [graduate na nga ako, actually]. =D ain't she cute? :)


oh well, what can I say, astig ang nanay ko.
yeah, rock on mom!
\m/

Meantime Girl.

I confess. I was once treated like this. I was once a Meantime Girl.

She’s the one you call when you’re bored because she makes you laugh. She’s the one you talk to when you’re feeling down because she’s willing to lend an ear and be a friend. She’s not the one you call when you need a date to your company’s Christmas party, or to go dancing with on a Saturday night. She’s the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find "The One". You know, the one who you keep around in the meantime.

She’s not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don’t look at her as a "real" woman, either. She’s not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light. She’s too laid-back, too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by. She’s too understanding, too comfortable – she doesn’t make you feel nervous or excited the way a "real" woman does. But she’s cool, and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you’re lonely or horny and need intimate female companionship, she’ll do just fine. You don’t have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, and you don’t have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve. You’re not trying to get anything of substance out of her. She’s not easy, but you know that she cares about you and is attracted to you, and that she’ll give you the intimacy you need. And you know you don’t have to explain yourself or the situation, that she’ll be able to cope with the fact that this isn’t the beginning of a relationship or that there’s any possibility that you have any real romantic feelings for her. She’ll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went. She’s just so cool . . . why can’t all women be like that?!

But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don’t because to you, the situation between the two of you isn’t important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it’s really not fair. You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don’t think she’s good enough to spend any real time with. Sure, it’s mostly her fault, because she doesn’t have to give in to your needs – she could play the hard-to-get bitch like the rest of them do, if she really wanted to. But you and she both know that she probably couldn’t pull it off. Maybe she’s too short, or a little overweight, or has a big birthmark on her forehead, or works at Taco Bell. Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman. So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman.

You’ll joke to her that she should be the best man at your wedding, and she’ll laugh and make a joke about a smelly rental tux.

She doesn’t captivate you with her beauty, or open doors with her smile. Mainly she blends in with the crowd. She’s safe. She doesn’t want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room. But she wants to turn someone’s head. She wants to be special to someone, too. We all do.

She has feelings. She has a heart. In fact, she probably has a bigger and better heart than any woman you’ve ever known because she’s had a front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and she likes you anyway. She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you’ve given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is.

Anyway, yeah. I’m a Meantime Girl. Been one more times than I care to admit. I don’t know the reason, really, and at this point I don’t even care. I just want to let every guy know who’s ever had the good fortune to have a Meantime Girl that we may be a lot of fun, but we cry, too. A lot. And someday we won’t be around.

Unposted Blog

Here's an unposted blog. I saved this in my Multiply Account. I just wanted to write about this that time. This was dated September 9. If this someone gets to read this, perhaps, she will know that this is for her.

You didn't let me in. I just wish you did. I wanted to understand you, I wanted to be there for you, I wanted to be one of the people you turn to when you're in trouble. I wanted to be a friend but you didn't let me. You didn't let me in your world.. in your life. I don't know why.

It's just so frustrating to see new people get close to you easily because I've tried to do the same for years but nothing seemed to work. Maybe we really are better off this way. acquaintances and never friends.. sad. It probably is too late now anyway because issues keep popping between us. The gap is bigger. And pretty soon, I'll be going away. It just breaks my heart to feel that the existence of friendship between us has moved closer to impossibility.. and even though I would like to explain myself or my side to you, I don't know how.

I really do not know you. I never knew the real you because I never had the chance. I wish I did, though. You can believe everything I've written here or not. It's really up to you. Maybe this will be another issue between us... something you and your real friends will talk about. Maybe you'll think I'm not sincere or maybe you will see through my words.. I don't know. How am I supposed to know, right? I never got to know you.

I don't know if it will happen anymore. I don't know if you'll ever see me as a friend. For now, I choose to give up. People get tired you know. And I guess I ran out of ways to try being a friend to you. I lost hope. Maybe we've been trying so hard.

It took me years to realize that civil is all that we will ever be. Little more, little less. I don't know if you ever saw me as a friend or ever considered me as one. I wanted to ask you this question for so long but I didn't because I'm scared to know the answer. Believe me or not, being unwanted as a friend is just enough to break my heart. Maybe, this question is better left unanswered for now. Maybe the answers will unfold on it's own. Time will probably tell.

So before I end this, I want to say thank you and I'm sorry. I know you're not the only one who's been hurting and trying. And maybe you don't want it to be this way either but perhaps, it's for the best. Who knows in the future, our paths may cross again and maybe when that time comes, we can have a fresh start. I'd really love that.

Zen

i.n.s.e.c.u.r.i.t.y.

I was browsing my Multiply account to see which of my blogs deserve to be re-blogged [?!] here. Then I came across this entry, dated August 2. Guess what, I'm reposting it here. :D

"define INSECURITY: It is a behavior possessed by certain individuals who cannot accept the fact that no matter how hard they try, they can never level up to you. That is why they either hate you, backfight you, or imitate you. Just let them. After all, at the end of the day, they know for a fact that they can never come close parallel to you."

Perfecto.

The Eulogy of an Ex-Friend.

I was in third year college when I took up a subject on Interpersonal Communication. I really enjoyed taking that up. Even though my schedule sucked because of that subject, it was no problem to me. Fast forward. So we had this exercise on writing a eulogy. The twist here is that, we will write a eulogy for ourselves. What's really nice about this exercise is that who will speak and what that person will say is up to us.

I can bluntly recall that while our instructor is discussing the instructions, I've only one person in mind. I knew right then and there that she is the perfect person for this Eulogy exercise. Since I am so tired of her not apologizing for every single thing she did to me and to my mom, I made her apologize to me in my eulogy. Haha.

Read on.

We grew up together but we never really got close enough to consider ourselves the best of friends. But we were close in our own special way. Zen... well, she really is a funny person. She always has this extraordinary energy, which can make you laugh even if you don't feel like laughing. I don't know where she keeps or gets it but she has it.

She was always there for me, through thick and think, in my ups and downs. She was not just a witness of my heartbreaks, escapades, happy moments, and bitter ones... she was in a way, part of it. To have Zen as a friend is such a wonderful happening in my life, that I completely know now.

We have been through a lot of rocky roads and have bumped our heads quite hardly on each bend. We've learned our lessons separately in a hard way. But I loved her. I never stopped being her friend and I just wish she knew that. At times I'd like to come to her and apologize, pride just keeps getting on my way. Even though I know that that is the only thing that she is waiting for, I didn't give it to her. I know Zen very well. I know her enough to know she has already forgiven me for all the things I've done, even without my apology.

I have hurt her in ways that I know really made her feel bad. Sometimes, I just know I ruined her day. I kept telling bad things behind her back, branching those fabricated stories altogether to come up with pathetic fat lies. She never did the same. Instead, she just kept quiet. She kept her anger in discreet and went on acting like she doesn't know anything. It frustrated me. It really, really did. I want her to be mad at me so that I can justify my wrong doings to her. Worse, I wanted to be like her.

Needless to say, she is different. She handles things differently. I envy her and thought that I must hate her because people around us kept comparing us. I have more beauty, she has more brains. But see where did all these put me? I am now bound to hate myself for being such a bitch to a friend I always knew I have. Now, it's too late to apologize. Though I know that wherever she is, she can hear me and probably can see all the bits of sincerity in me, it's still not enough. it's a cliche but if I can just really turn back time, I would be a better friend to her. I swear.

Zen, wherever you are, I am sorry... really, really sorry for everything. I missed you during the times I pretended to not know you at all. I missed you during the times I just kept on hating you... and now, I'll miss you forever.

-30-

Believe me, after this exercise, I really felt good. And hey, I got a flat one for this! :D you might want to try doing this, it's emotionally healthy.